hit me in the face with your shovel
your words burn
(I'd rather have the oven explode)
I'll choke myself on a whole pack of gum
while I think of her hands,
dripping like rain,
the rain that I have forgotten
the rain that has been abandoned
by God himself

every drip was one that believed it was important
or at least someone did
but it hit the ground like my tears late
at night so I browse whatever
I can to find people more upset than me

whether it's some sort of catharsis
some sort of coma,
I sit down and contemplate,
breathe in, and breathe in, and breathe in
don't sit back,
acknowledge me the way I wanted to be ignored

there's no shame in giving up,
everyone does one time or another
are you worried?
are you crying yet?
I keep telling myself I did nothing wrong
move away
I have a pair,
I promise
I won't give up this time
I've tried as hard as I could
(you have nothing to complain about)

one day you'll throw me out, like how
they always throw me out
and I will fall from the sky
even if you want to take me back in

she sew me up inside of the mist
carried me up the Fibonacci
she was my first(and true) love
i remember her taste

a warm ticking embrace of heat
feed me and roll your eyes
one day one day one beautiful sun shining day

but all of this power is gone
a floor full of broken glass
i just want our friendship back

like a boy who spills his soda
a little girl who has dropped her cone
if i could i would travel back in time
tell her how much i cared
but as usual right  now i am once again alone

Re(call)
hills likewhiteelephants
or(f

u
some[c]thing
li[k]e that)

away
away
tornado
away
pine
away
disappear
thin
thin
thinn­er
forever and always
y
o
u
know i think
you know
blown away
Hemingway
i'm blown(like you)
away

highway speeding,
fast track-(I'm bleeding)
this is never ending(never
gonna' end)
time's barrier crosses down
through the town of the past
and little things different
yet so the same
just the way I wanted to be
our two souls,
you and me,
together we'll see
past all the roads spat out of black holes
(our own little life)

through metal invisible bars
we're crashing dreams like cars.

everything's interesting when it isn't
distant closure fills the void
that i enter every time i move
i feel myself to smooth my body
in the gaudy sort of visions
of people dying on hills

every day feels like the last
and looks like the next
it's not hard to see how much you hate me

bleeding through gifts and embraces and conversations
unlike anyone else i strove to plug in
to you unto you into you
what i'd do

but you turned the cold shoulder
getting older and colder
older and older
and you're getting more and more and more and more and more and more
the same

i don't want your time if you have none to give me
see i believe it when i'm sinking in the depths
among the stars and across bars
i'm sinking into you
and you hate and hate and hate and hate and hate because you're
exactly the same

evil and
abismal as
me
see
you hate
everything
about me
as i forget
the words
imadeupthreeminutesago
you're something I never should have had
and never did in the first place
but if you can, for all the things i gave you,
give me something (just see)
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
drown me
you drowned me
still drown me

because a door broken through with a hammer is beautiful
            dreams shattered by what you know
words are only words until they're laid out like a puzzle
            meant for only the robbed to find

and if the sun doesn't give you inspiration for your insides
          i have no idea what will drown me out
flush me into reality of feelings and blood and other various wires
        give me your hand i want to become you

let me become you into your mind give me your mind
          (it's been awhile i guess a little too long)
but maybe that's my fault a little maybe just a little bit
           give me peace in my mind just a little

because thinking is not doing thinking is not doing
               (****** my mind)
because thinking is not doing i can not make this better
              (give me your mind)

my mind is dying my mind is dying thinking is not doing
            thinking is different not doing take action
against whatever may come my way there is no wall there is
            no wall i remember it so clearly now yes-

there's a place
                               illuminated
by thousands of shining stars
where Heaven looks down in a kickback smile
where your drift over the air like a goddess holding an apple

and it's a place just for you and me where
no one else will ever be allowed entrance through the invisible gates
one day we will go there to sprint among the flowers and drink from the Nectar a sign saying
Welcome to the Garden
you smile and the flowers rise and the animals run
how peaceful how beautiful this thing this dream this
(give me your heart, dear)

we're disintegrating home
she's looking into my eyes
she feels just like Summer

time to pleasure the Rising
let the words flow into blood
the blood is what spells love is what is anything really

Summer is a time for pleasant beings
retracted and disillusioned Trees
apples and berries everywhere oranges abundant

all of this World is her's to keep
she just need to dance her eyes over the doubts
that tell her inside that she needs to follow everyone else into oblivion

since she's more than that i know I can tell her that
even if i'm not worth fighting and yelling for
i won't stop fighting for her

in the end I know she's looking and thinking of me
with Summer coming home from a long journey
comes the most beautiful and an abundance of Love with an abundance of fruit and trees and

there's a time and place for everything and that's now
i know she's falling for me as I Her
because this i know was made to be

back when i could remember something fake
i think deep down inside i could understand and dream
and dream i do today but i've waited for my take
so one day i'll run down the dirt from the woods into the stream

that was who i was sitting desks apart little child
little child look at me it's me it's really me
look up at the sun the weather's a tad mild
(for my taste) i look at You and do you see it do you see

i think now you do and the waiting's worth it
and wait i did and wait and wait and wait and i waited for you
deep down knowing you really did (a little bit)
i just hope it's the same obsession you have like i too

time and time again (i will spend my eternity with you)
you told me people were meant to be with each other like the stars align in the sky
i agree oh god i agree (just love me) i want to
i want to feel your heart and my hand through your hair and sigh

i think this is the world dream you resemble it with perfection
you can take everything because you deserve it all
don't let me go don't let me be some kind of correction
or something and on and on i'm a little (tall

er) than you but no matter no matter so many differences yet the same
our hearts and souls match and it makes me smile
and you too I notice it You notice me
you see me you see me you see me i know you see me I feel you see me you see-
(for all it's worth it'll be worth the while)

I'm unsatisfied with This
   i remember when it felt
more black and white, my life now
more vibrant in color--
it is not a good thing

easy as i came
under the naked sun
naked, everyone
i knew something before, but
the feeling's expanded
there's no clear answer to the questions
and i don't know how long i can go on
i can not repeat my past, the past i don't have
(stretched out of me)
why did you live me in this body

abletosaygood bye one more time say
heyla ha-ha heyla ha-ha-ha hey
time's a ticking time bomb
anne why home anna time gone
no one's ever gonna hold me like a tomb me me down
throughout the ground no one's coming no one's arriving
meet you half way shove it all down

heyla ha-ha
i'm right here
sink in the black sea

right    so   where were       we?

in a dreamless midnight someway
i wish i were you

as powerful as it would be perhaps
i wouldn't be able to love Me in your mantra anyway

'Doctor' I called after he left
on the heel of his foot he turned, sort of old and grey, not whimsical nor lyrical not left
the wrong life the wrong dream
what, he says, angered i respond with haste
'There's no such thing as too much poetry'

sick to
            sweat cold to the
bone
once again home again lying down
the words the picture made by the words

such a soft sweet voice
making the drum beat gently enough to loud and louder
scream a
again

the pictures and the words make the stream flow
understand a little
just understand

check me see if it's
bro  k
en
what do i need to see the being up within me
the road to the back of me i'm walking backwards

this is not the path i was supposed to go on
but stopping to get on my knees wont help me anymore

(it is as it always is was as it always does
good to you look at you
and your imaginary dress I love it
let's go into town for a day beforehand
god, you're beautiful
i hope you know that
just the gallivanting and the laughter could make me happy
smile a little just smile
perk up
there we go
look up
let's go
let's go into
let's go into into
let's go into town for(ever) a few hours before the big Night)

[her face is my most wonderful creation
just respond and check me
unplug put on some makeup
scream inside silence and dreams]
refluff to me circiling 'round ruin everything You ruin everything

I called in the new year like I rang in
every other day

it's decided to be cold and i've decided
to be a little to with the times
forget remembrance of things past,
what about remembering what happens in the future?

depends on the definition of future though,
whether it exists, or not, is up to you
which you probably believe it
like how you believe everything
although i do too, from time to time
we just can't seem to convince each other of anything we
believe in

this is the most agonizing time of the year,
with a new year there should be new events,
but everyday seems to be exactly the same as the other
so what's new and old doesn't matter

and i think i'm to blame
because i bet i'm the one who tried to shake you
and break you

all i need you to do is let me
capitalize myself
and perhaps just let me hold you a little bit
before i end up falling away again, and again

i got locked in the times,
but perhaps when you look at me
the sun will come out and shine
and I'll know your mine

or whatever
nightmares and dissapointment are all that come from this ******* weather anyway

world's a hot place,
doing 90 on the road to Broadway,
what did I say?
where did she go
What do I know?

how do you feel?
do you know what's here,
and what's real?

you have questions about
questions for questions asked
to prophets and leaders,
he's blacked out in the gutter,
through the sewer
how'd one get to be so political?
one like me can't be so hypocritical,
you're skeptical like me,
anxious,
asking who do I want to be?
Where do I want to go?

I thought two years, hell,
no one year that this is what I would do
but the longer I go,
the higher I climb,
the farther and faster I fall,
(did I hear you call?)

I wake up every day late and
sweating, saying
I'm betting today will be exactly
the same as yesterday

I bet you're angry,
but today I was happy,
even if the farther I go,
without someone to touch,
makes me think I can do so much

but it's pathetic
(who's worthless now?)
2.

I went to bed wet and tired,
fired up and worthy,
watching videos til three in the
morning,
waking up at eleven to squeeze some hours of worthlessness
into my life

this is the second part,
I have words left,
you took my keys and never came back,
well I just go home and sit and pack
up all my things into corners of my room
while people yell at me in my mind
because there's no better way to pass the time than
wondering about the future

I wonder so much I've lost all my wonder,
I dream so much but I can't even remember,
I don't even cry anymore,
the sad thing there's nothing to cry about

so I guess in the future when I do finally cave in,
when the waterfalls flow,
then that'll be a real sight,
they'll turn around and say,
"Hey, did you hear that so and so made Sayer cry?"

What a pity,
where did my inspiration go?

the longer you go without someone's touch,
the more you love them so much,
you forget lunch,
you're the most depraved of the bunch

I hope you have a good life,
I still have words left,
but I wake up hitting my pillow
after remembering to release every once in a while

I have lost the ability to think and love,
that the only thing to love is myself,
I hope one day I am as unlucky as you
to scream in my head is a pleasure,
your affection wasn't a treasure
you are worthless and pitiful,
and I'm sure you can **** all night,
all right,
you can **** all night
and I can laugh at the thought,
who would have thought,
that you could **** all night,
all the way
until the moon sails over,

who's worthless now,
huh?
Who made the mistake
Who's head is in a basket
i won't be in a casket
and you can make a racket while
i swim in summer's breeze
(all by my lonesome self)
I'm the ***** now

spinning through a mirror on a solitary
style in the winds of Winter
devouring faces near and far

vulnerable outside here in your
glorious shadow, night or morning
hit me in the head as I stare into
an empty room-
so full, so full

full of gentle movements uncaring
and believable in terms of healing
your grace is ungraceful
(you expect to much)
I can't even believe it

responding to the response that never came,
a little trigger to get your attention

I'm,
holding on
running in a circle,
so nice
doing the dance on the ice

it's alright,
and it's okay
you tell me in my mind
it could be no other way

the farther away I am,
the closer I get
little things that remind me,
and even as I wish I could erase your face
you keep showing me these other things
another side, a hole in the wall
a hole in my heart
outside your window,
running in circles,
so nice, so very very nice
doing this dance (alone) on the cold
hard
sharp
ice

your warm arms are
my fire in my

Elysian Fields

red cold love(r)
trying to vanish into focus
little black spot on the scope can't see me

anywhere anytime anyplace
you can be my pretty little piece of grace
chopped off by the stars cutting the night sky
i can fall
i already have fallen

easy to look up when i continually fall
whether this choice is a good choice i just need to sit and wait
for the right time and the right place
to come into whatever this hole needs

yes a need
my hole is growing hollow
fill it up but you're connected in a dispute of fire
you're getting burned and i'm getting burned
i know it the way you're a little disconnected
not so with me not so i see it

do my eyes sparkle and are the see-through like a clean lake
can you see the bottom of me
because i don't think there is a bottom
i'll just keep falling,
and falling,
and falling
(no bottom)
and right as i hit that impossible sidewalk-

You can take me back up again like I know You will

kick my body out to the right
spiraling in spiraling into
the void cut down and slicing like
a blade in the dark
a bark
that's forgotten in the depths of the night

a symphony of black holes screams out as blood shoots out
from the sun reminding me of when it all fell down

time likes me likes you
what do i do
take it all away from you
take it from me everything
i want you to take everything from me

spiral into my existence while
you destroy me.

words
be
tter
soft
   and not sorry
non apologetic
shivers

warm skin hot candles
back t
o
the
good
stuff(like you)
never,
really
ever

would if i could
would you
remember me
if you
could
would you
remember who
i
actually
wanted to
be

never,
really
tumbling towers
toppling over
copying
words  again

and all this to be meaningless
perhaps
i'm a dying art
(put your mind into it)
naturally curious
about me
and my
dying slipping art

nothing ever works

and then there was the the idea of Then and Now

Do nothing? Do something? My mind and body is being pulled in different directions yet the only way I want to go is with you
it was harder to know the directions when you're not next to me
yet in the same room
the songs plays on

i knew that moment was cracking
some barrier broken, me looking into your face (yet not your eyes)
i felt the Two one in complete Eden and like a complete disgrace
killed and split right in two
yet i knew i wanted this i always wished for it
for years (implying you have)
my hand on your back
i moved it up and down
just to sink into the sound
oh god
how beautiful
how couldn't i tell you

but the rest of the day was
something exploding inside the night
as i felt a disconnect from earthly things
my fault, I'm sorry
my mind everywhere i walked on among the silence
and maximum volume of my thoughts
and do i love you or do i feel connected to you?

tempted by snakes and broken down by evil
living life in the veil
someone screaming in my ear:
can't you hear?
delusion or confusion (or love)
you've always been my here and i don't want to
go in the other direction no matter how satisfied i'll be
i don't want to scream about some ******* influx of dreams in the night so then drinking from the ocean i'll shoot up and bellow:
can't you see
you were supposed to save me

because perhaps i don't want to know but i don't know what i did considering that I've done something in the first place because i really haven't done anything ever

The Piano creates the rain
sadly reminding girls of boys of the strain
that is the world outside
and the cries from wolves that are muffled by the
trucks colliding with each other
at midnight

and the world is what wants to say goodbye
for I know that it is I that wishes to start all over
every day only dreaming that the world
could be screaming an scheming to send me back
to know the do's and the do not's of the standards
of the universe
and the galaxy ***** the world in the spits it back out
every time I wake up

the bed spins and I chew packs of gum within an hour
for all the power held to me is the vulnerability of my
wealth and steam
and the girls inbetween

through the insults and the rain
I have left my mark across the scale
and in vain I have fallen to the bottom
this time still chewing lots and lots of gum
to keep me occupied from the thoughts
that are slowly making my mind more gray
and it was fine for a little while
and perhaps I'm only overreacting,
that I'm underrated and someone's
angel that exploded into a star
but slowly eternity isn't looking so peaceful,
only sleep.

you sent the light up to the darkness of the midnight of the world and e
very
thing was very very peaceful until i was awoke and couldn't fall back asleep to
the so
und of your voice crackling but you were not there you
we
re never there
will
you ever be there when i need you i need you answer me

tumbling over and over again

hold my hand and don't let me pine away

                                            into a hundred simple breaths taken by an angel

forever I will wait as we watch the fire

                   of a thousand suns set our bodies into flames



we'd jump into the river to cast out the flames

in that river your eyes will shine brighter than those suns

and your smile will turn the night to day



                                         because there is magic in the air tonight



we'd step out of the river, and I'd dry you off

but it would rain as if it had never rained before

                                however we will still follow our glory

                                                                                                           as long as our hearts aren't a puzzle

                                                                 yet to be

                                         put together



so I won't pine away into this darkness

for you are my light

and into the sky we'll take flight

as I hold you closer than ever before

for years upon years

it will seem like eternity

but in  a blink of an eye

if you're not there



then



                                                             forgive me(I'm sorry)

there's not quite a feeling
like feeling
touching and bluffing your way through life
time is of the essence, but you have none of it
eight of work, eight of work, eight (if lucky) to sleep
repeat

life is a faulty alarm clock
it is against you and the rock
you've built your house on

I've sat in caves and wondered aimlessly
thinking of the rain and the wolves outside
they said to go up north,
**** your phone and **** your internet
drive until the road gives out and you come to a lake
so that you can bask in the glory of the Lord

The eyes of the doctor to the dying patient are beautiful
my life has been slow but fruitful
I don't need *** but I need money,
and hell, perhaps it's kind of funny
that I've been doing the same thing over and over
and over and over and over again

I don't have a car but I have a job,
I don't have a girlfriend or someone to love, but I have a job
and I can go a long time thanking someone
I don't believe in for my blessings,
the messages are gone when I sit upon my foundation
I listen to loons and the rain at five in the morning
that was a feeling I miss,
not the fishing line in the weeds,
but the time it takes to slowly lower myself
in a cage in the cool, misty
floating water

and perhaps the greatest things I've told myself
was that it is okay to die a ******,
and it is okay to let people down,
and it is okay to let yourself down,
and it is okay apologize
and it is okay to sit down and give up

maybe someone to come pick me up isn't what I need,
but I can't break my heart anymore
it has become shielded but fragile
and I'm screaming at trivial things,
wondering where I've gone all my life

and I hate being so scattered,
as if nothing has ever mattered
(and it is okay to sleep too much,
it is okay to sometimes think of you
my heart, my heart
my god, my god
where have you been)

the words are soft,
they travel far and long
to every song for every boy
and every girl in this old world,
make music for the music players,
let me burst into the scene like an
exciting extra in a ****** film,
let me die in a vain way,
sometimes I wish someone would just say
the words and I could go

I could go because I always need
people to tell me what to do

Where are you? I am so sorry

and sometimes I just wish I'd get an accident
because I can't bring myself to do it myself
so I'll try to fall asleep to a film,
dim the lights and bring on the night

remember the nightmares, remember the childhood,
remember the prayers, remember the songs
remember the radio, remember the stars,
remember the hospital, remember everything-
that doesn't matter anymore

and it is okay to die

you are the definition of beauty and peace
of my hope my smile i can not frown when you're around
you look you smile as well and one day
our lips will meet as One

soforth the idea my love
your smile your face your laugh
my muse o muse descend as the angel
where are you i feel my heart

*there

time's T(w)oo

sweet forget blinking red

               reading aloud deserted
again

made of stone
on the ground,
the rocks on my back
stabbing in there,
I know you're there
I know this is what I get
I've gotten it now, mrs. ms. miss
yes, I have
smile your invisible smile. Right?
right
yes, right
sigh
there's nothing to ask me
don't ask anything
shh
not one more word
you voice sounds like someone else I know
but it's time to move on
carry everything from the bonds
to the chains
to the words
and to the answers
and you can look at me and tell me finally that you've
waited all this time that you, yes you
finally want me
and I'll lay back down on the sharp rocks and say
I have you now
I have you now
I have you now

tangle up as One inside the darkness of the mind
break bad the love of mind and put it back together  (******* swine)

i think to know that this is this
and all everything else is a Wish
inside the holy temple of our Mind

since this is Us and let me be someone to be someone we are Someone
i knew the danger before it even worked, and let me be...alone...

I
try to be
fine
along the line
to take what's mine
i knew it the moment I saw you the Real time
the real moment I held you close when you cried
and all that i tried
and all that i did
will be

good

I am yours and I wish you could be mine

one
beautiful
baptismal
spectacular

day
(I am yours)

t e y
   h
all
{sp
u
er}
forgot
me today
they all did
they all always never will

ha
usually as usually usually is usual

Bring your iron,
and circle 'round my neck
two ions spiral out from ***
revival in the undertow
come out and play you *******
fraud

and pause the unseen game
tell me I'm not lame and that
I will walk one day
far away from all the pain
to shoot a bullet in the clouds to
stop the rain
when crazy comes it comes in spurts
just like snapping my neck when it hurts
your body is on the pedestal
can never change or never learn
you had the old ones in your hand
to take a stand to end what's man
and tell them all or just tell one
to **** what burns in the descending sun
and all that's left is
miles of life that's left
on cracked sidewalks
in forgotten places


and if I hold your hand you'd **** me
want me dead for calling you beautiful
forget the idea of loving me
come see through all the cafes and the dinner tables
that you'd wait for mindless hours
I hope he really likes you a lot
and gives you all that he's got
since I have nothing left to give
but time that's not even precious
anymore than it was before
you left and never talked to me since
but to be fair I didn't talk to you either
because maybe I was just to broken hearted
that you of all people could just leave me here
and I was like a young child being left by his mother
at the big store where I couldn't find anything
or anyone so I sat and cried in the middle so someone
could come find me and ask if it was going to be okay
and I'd say all I ant is my mommy
well all I wanted and all I really needed was you
but I highly doubt that it's all going to go through
some small crack, some small percent, dance
around him all the time

dance around his body
when the song stops playing,
kiss him softly
just make sure to never send me
any picture or any memory
because really I don't want to care

but really I just care too much
to let this go into the endless ocean
a million miles away from my home

so
    so
       so
           so
                so

the most beautiful form that connects people together
every word important
can't stumble upon the stumble upon the stumble
fall down the hill
rolling, falling
waking on top of water, floating
in the midst of the flowing
waterfall

imagine a god and the devil standing high
god watches over the world like he's supposed to
everyone is calm, until
one thing goes wrong  
and then the radio goes out
and someone falls out their window
and the person who goes after does it
on purpose and then everyone starts jumping off their balconies, skyscrapers until the blood on the sidewalk is too much
for anyone to manage

and the guilt is strong
but the love is stronger
yes, yes I like you
I can hear it
they can hear it
maybe they're telling me
maybe I've waited this long for something so
simple yet so complex
and you can cry and I cry
yes, yes
I understand finally
that it's a move
and the smile is real
and the face is bright as the sun and the sun doesn't
burn anymore it just glows
glorious revelation
hallelujah
the chorus goes on
we can both smile
the other lyrics don't matter
nothing that happened ever mattered even if it was
the only thing that lead me to this point
and the sun comes up
and the sun comes up
but the people are still jumping
and there's still that tidal wave of blood
rip out my hair
I know it
I knew it
I'll know it
perfection is the invisible key
but I'm content when the head falls down

cold
little hot little cold
and old
and tiny compared to
sold

i've been
over this for awhile now
but that's alright
it's okay
i will end this some other way

time
to scratch
my face before
the floor
collapses from
underneath my feet

hello and goodbye,
just like that
in a blink of an eye
with a the click of a button
i'm over all of this
to take it all away and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait
for nothing
and to sleep
to sleep
sleep.

the idea is so foreign to me
so unaware, so pure
so *****, so clean
under the starlight which she praised
on sunny days of nostalgia and honey
she came to me the next day to say hello
but she never said good-bye

and partially it was my fault
but partially it was her's
everyone had their beautiful intimate moments
everyone I knew
they all complained and cried
and some of them said they would even die
but who am I to judge
the closest thing I ever had was far away
and now she's even farther.

when I think about going back in time
to change so many little things
I think of the sad times
the crippling times
since they've been so abundant

and maybe the idea is so foreign to me
that it's a dream I cannot remember
that it's in a place unrecorded
not written down
a town in the middle of nowhere
somewhere I need to disappear completely
somewhere I finally need to see

a few years ago I'd breathe in the sea
and the sea would breathe in me
when I believe the time has come
I will think of her and colors
caused by oil on the pavement
explode in my head

and I dream forever, and ever

a yellow beam:
the town erupts with a scream
a scream
a dream
my team
you, can I (you and I)
break me down into my particles
something's behind my back
something's ruptured inside
i've fallen apart

i don't want your condolences for nothing
how can i complain when i have virtually everything in
the world i could ask for
i just have to close my eyes and
...
crash

i've been struck by eternity,
and the idea that there's someone else in my body
this ****** into the inside
i feel our shadows collide

time to be the man with the plan
want my checklist, you want my
nothing, everything
i'm unable to do a lot
able to do something
except define me
control me
see
it's not that hard
play the card
win your earnings
drag it into your pockets, shove it;
shove it in there
feel uncomfortable
feel like me,
see
again
the never ending bittersweet
perfect circle
drawn by hand, by
the man
the accomplished
sorry, so sorry
sorry i'm not your idea of
a *******
man
but i must release this
i'm the man with the plan
i must go on

i've been struck by eternity
and the idea that there's someone else in my body
time to slide right out of this dream
unto reality, with a beam of light

i will be me
you too
i will hold you
until the night comes and day passes by
the dream that one day
we will come full circle
and that
i will understand that
everything is not a plan

you need to too
you need to too
you need to too
you need to too
you need to too

curtain falls
you've descended from heaven
I don't want to
I don't wait to wait
another year to just hold
you forever

(since everything's safe and warm in your embrace while you're around)
there's no doubt
there's no doubt

(it's unmissable)
what do you want
I am the master of my own fate
but deep down inside my self wants everything to fail
so i keep on rowing the boats and breathing while I sleep
to reach the destination everyone wants to get to but some wait longer
like me and patient as i am i can no longer survive so instead
i live and live on because I keep rolling on to get better
and better instead things keep dwindling down
until i reach the bottom and there I softly
hit the ground because They want me
to keep going and rolling on (to get
better and better) so I listen to all
of them like I have before and
the music cracks louder
and there's a pause
when you look
at me so I
smile

at the end I see the door
there is no heaven and there is no hell
they're just going to send me right back
to the ******* beginning again
(it's unmissable)

I am the one who wants
to
talk to
you
I am the one who wants to hold you
(all day and all night long)

I am the one
who
loves to
buy you
things,
imaginary
distorted rings
I am
the known
the blown
the unsought dreamer
oh, what
to do
I am the
one
who wants
to feel (inside
you)

I can't help
but be, a little bit honest
I can't
not,
be a
little bit
curious
why then
do
i know
what's right in the end
where is my
reward
my Lord, my journey
to the end
to the death
do us part?!

words are violent
the times are too
since I'm done now how am I supposed to know what to do

exactly the same spots to sit in
drowning in the dreams of sin
embrace what will never come

I never knew or did anything to tell you how much you mattered
I guess you didn't mean that much to me then
it's good to move on and on
cut downs poles and burn down closets
(I'm hiding under your bed)
can't get me
three hours can be too short
and three minutes can be too long

I can be in the burning bed
like my burning head
every aspect of the idea (of being done)
disgusts the truth

conventional as it is to ask where you are
and what have you done to the one
I used to know and will I ever see you again
I think it's something I feel and will feel for a long time
(not understanding the basic complexities of human interaction)

and it's too hard
and I probably can't do it
as I journey into the world
out the door
I probably can't do it

if I could go back in time to win you over
I probably couldn't do it
so I wouldn't and I'd still be here anyway
the burning bed hurts like hell and
it's never going to stop since
I'll never die

and if I asked for just two minutes
would you be polite and give me three
(I don't ever want you inside of-)
or would it better to just lie down
and get up and look at you
and hang myself in your closet?

(there's a limited time to look into my eyes and tell me how you're doing or what you feel because I'm not going to do it anymore this is your responsibility not mine I feel it all the time and time is done)

coming out from the water
and into the light
breathing heavy
then smoothly
I come out of the fight

time ***** in my waterfall
and time tips over the filth (and lies)
and storms come over to break the rules
and expectations and strike its lightning with force
and disgusting tests and trials
set fire to the trails to send out a message
SAVE OUR SOULS

perhaps I would
no longer would I love the invisible taste of
broken walls
and I come up from the water one more time
breathing heavily,
then smoothly as I come to shore
(who will rescue me?)
I think I've find the answer but it's still buried deep
in the sand

"don't complain"
I understand, I won't, I won't
I won't I won't I won't

II

no one's going to respond
I think I can feel the wind pushing me back
to make me spiral back into the void

**** the void
got everything I need right here
packed bags and held up
burnt chapters from years ago

how did they detect this?
got out of here alive
which might be an understatement
blasted out

(walking on the sand digging killing
eating dying trying flying in my mind)
you gotta know
the wind's blowing me back
into the void
invincible so I just have
to avoid it
until I've come full circle
(the whole island's a circle)
but who cares
the birds are coming down
from the town
that isn't there
(grow up)
I already have
still got a lot to do
lots of doors to open
but come on
the wind is blowing me back into the void
but it doesn't matter much


III
life's an abrupt ending
starvation on the beach with no way home
the wind can take me back home
since I just needed to wake up
all I ever needed to do
wake up
I'll I ever needed to do
wake up
hold on
wake up
got something stuck right here
it could be gone
I think it's looking up from here
blazing fires fuel my eyes
I'm just back in the water
doesn't matter
never has
I have this
wake up
I'veneverwantedwhatineverwantedionlywantedwhatiwanted
life's abrupt
"grow up"
I already have

bye

you're magnificently beautiful,
inspiring,
but
I'm not saying
a word

i ****** in my reality,
and fell into the dream

yes to the left hand crush --

i am the one who knows the Sun
distinguishing the left from the right
say no to society
backed up propriety
my Country is my nothing
my heart is in the grey abyss

say no to surprises because
at once, when you swim up from the shallow waters
they cease to exist
and say no to advances by
people in dances
left, and right
fists in the air
(this is nothing)
perhaps a little to dissuaded from reality
i'm not as drunk on ego as you think
i discovered my disguise in
my face in the corner

say no to the News
and yes to its addiction
believe nothing from people who know
nothing
propaganda exploding in the mist
until it clears up
i've found while you swing around
i'll smash a window with a chair
until everyone's aware
masks or no masks
attention via attention
stand hold
body down
say no to deconstruction
live the fast life
while i sit down and wait
for some little clue

until i realized that all of you
in one loud, pulsing moment
their all the same
and you too
you've fallen so far even though
i've fallen the farthest
but at least i'm honest
ask me again and i think
it'll be the disguise under the skin in
my mask and you hold on
to my choices
and i say no to this 'society'
and i'll say no to you
yes
i'll say no to you
i know i can do it
because all this time i haven't loved you
i've hated you

(I remember the whips)
and the way out
filled with doubt and
violins in the distance

no way out there's no way
I'd get out alive
cars crashing and dishes breaking
are in the future
(but if that's what He wants let it be)
let it be
life is easy
life is hard
life is wrong
life is long
yet so short
everyday seems to never end until I realize I'm
back in bed with thoughts of
(her?)
you in my head
and there's no rain
or there is rain
but no peace

I have observed the multitude
******* each other (over)
"be grateful for what you have"
especially when you have nothing
take what you have and get what you want
until you realize what you want
isn't anything you want

it could have been easy but it
didn't have to be since
I'm more patient than anyone else has been
especially since the outcome is Nothing
so shove it to the side and let it
rust and rot

I can take what I need and feed
on the rest of them
the prey will pray the day away
just like I do

I need to forget about waves
and the yelling and the screaming
and the fighting and the end it all
thoughts that slowly penetrate the
walls of my room
so take me home with you one more and the only time
(the countdown has already started)
let me explore the depths
or throw me down in the streets
either could be the same
through the delusions and every time
I talk to myself
I remember why I was here in the first place

and every day I'm alive
I'm fighting to survive
walls and the ceilings
are falling down and the music gets louder
and louder and the colors are more vibrant
and I look over and everyone's moving
and I wonder why I got so confused in the first place and what I'm doing there
and then I try and try not to cry
(I need help, I'm sick)
just frozen in time
waiting and waiting and waiting

they all surround me and
I wish I could be someone else
since I walk faster or leave
and they leave
she leaves
you leave
until they're all gone
doing something else
it's a catastrophe
that the invisible bombs are falling down
in my mind

don't leave me hanging anymore
everything in life is so abrupt
I can't check out much longer
since I'm stuck here forever
as the music keeps playing and I'm just waiting
and waiting and waiting
for something more because life is easy and life
is hard and life is wrong and life is long
but it feels so short
for no reason

and when I calm down
I just wonder why I'm doing this in the first place
cross out everyone because it's
all my fault
I'm the worst person in the world
I wouldn't want to be around me either
can't escape the abruptness of the saving and the dating
because I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting
and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and-

across the mountains
           and the land
the sea whispers
                    mistakes

I said goodbye once
twice, three times
until the thought of chimes
fell down onto the porch
and in this dream I could see your yard and fields
and I only heard one car in one hour

i can take what I like to like
and come to terms with it and love it
break it up and turn it to ****
because since the lights are falling down
from the sidewalk and in the town
we walked and it was raining
and I have never ever used an umbrella
and I didn't then either since
I can't break that pattern
no not even for you

what I'd do to take the outside and break it in half
like it was a ******* pencil
smothered with a pen
and choked and swallowed
hung to dry
I could fly in that dream but only for a second or two
since I never told you my obsession with flying
or lucid dreaming

all I wanted to do is want to do it again
to try again because maybe it was
something I said or maybe it was
something I didn't say
and if I knew that it just
wouldn't matter I
would flatter
myself and walk the other way

the other way toward the
beginning and through the end
no matter what I tried to do
sports acting speech reading out loud
pounding words to the page
it all turned into ****
call it self-loathing
or what you will
I've tried harder in the past few months years weeks and hours
bowing down the the powers that be just didn't seem right to me
no not anymore
the differences are strong and the fight has been long
but I need to let go or act
then in a few years time forget these words ever existed
or me
my existence has eradicated tropes and cliches
and I just wanted to say
I love(ed) you so very very very much