meanings have no meaning
souls that never really crossed paths
crushed beneath large trucks
what is this world we live in
life is a wall made up of consequences
and I can't even do it

and the stomach twists and turns
the worst case scenario rakes and rips me apart
until I ***** blood and waterfalls
can't clean it up

what is the meaning
what is a life
no one's talking about it
that life's a wall made up of consequences for my
and your actions
remains of the day try to smile
at the sun because the sun is up and up is good
and I can't settle myself in for a goodnight's sleep anymore
because I'm not young anymore and it's time
to grow up and be a man and be a man and grow up
and never again will I (have I never ) wanted to wander into
death's black shadow over the
reaper reaping ***** souls

(I love you all)
the grand piano's
broken because someone
went in there (restrain myself)
comments are the life and what is life
anyway
and the words and the songs sweep me over and send me flying over the ocean
because that's where I can take it (I'll never do it again I promise)
and truth is I'm afraid of being a little too much
but in the end I'll just be too little
(eye contact)
and then this happens and my god
I wanted it a little while ago and I
could feel the sun inside of my chest
burning and there was hope
for the first time
but then it hit me
crashed into me
when everyone's lying down to **** in and wait for the end
to come and swoop them up
so we never remember their thoughts and memories
that it doesn't even matter
if I can't do anything to anyone
(too much, too little)
somewhere in the middle is where I want to be
(can't you all see?)
I've arrived at the point of no return (again)
only to be here again
stop worrying
life is life
body
falling apart
everyone's falling apart
and as I think of souls that never passed that will
say they did it, they really did it
they really cared (like I do(n't))
my god, we try to look up

*and You were coming down, I think
You were coming down to save us all
You were coming down the save us all
You were coming down to save us all
but you couldn't withstand the Fall

goodbye morning (12)
cups on the right,
knock one over again
alive
pick it up (no one noticed)
fill it with coffee which I don't drink
watch some ****** movie on TV
and pretend to punch through the screen

think of it,
happiness
haven't been this happy in awhile
like it or not
smile on your face
on little day
happy, happy, happy
the ****** movie still plays
got nothing else to do
fling the coffee at the screen
the TV dies
think of you and go up to it
I go through it like in Videodrome
or something like that

Thanks, Cronenberg
I'm expendable

the most beautiful form that connects people together
every word important
can't stumble upon the stumble upon the stumble
fall down the hill
rolling, falling
waking on top of water, floating
in the midst of the flowing
waterfall

imagine a god and the devil standing high
god watches over the world like he's supposed to
everyone is calm, until
one thing goes wrong  
and then the radio goes out
and someone falls out their window
and the person who goes after does it
on purpose and then everyone starts jumping off their balconies, skyscrapers until the blood on the sidewalk is too much
for anyone to manage

and the guilt is strong
but the love is stronger
yes, yes I like you
I can hear it
they can hear it
maybe they're telling me
maybe I've waited this long for something so
simple yet so complex
and you can cry and I cry
yes, yes
I understand finally
that it's a move
and the smile is real
and the face is bright as the sun and the sun doesn't
burn anymore it just glows
glorious revelation
hallelujah
the chorus goes on
we can both smile
the other lyrics don't matter
nothing that happened ever mattered even if it was
the only thing that lead me to this point
and the sun comes up
and the sun comes up
but the people are still jumping
and there's still that tidal wave of blood
rip out my hair
I know it
I knew it
I'll know it
perfection is the invisible key
but I'm content when the head falls down

It's 12:12 a.m
don't know where I am and the light isn't coming up soon
but it is morning, not night,
I guess
I have a feeling I won't be getting much sleep
but that's okay
that's alright
I'll work it out with made up dreams of you
what I hope you are and will become
(changing everyday. everything's changing everyday. can't do it. won't do it. they all look at me. good morning. good night. good morning. good night. goodmorninggoodnightgoodmorning)

she loves me she loves me not she loves me she loves me not forever, and ever
amen

made of stone
on the ground,
the rocks on my back
stabbing in there,
I know you're there
I know this is what I get
I've gotten it now, mrs. ms. miss
yes, I have
smile your invisible smile. Right?
right
yes, right
sigh
there's nothing to ask me
don't ask anything
shh
not one more word
you voice sounds like someone else I know
but it's time to move on
carry everything from the bonds
to the chains
to the words
and to the answers
and you can look at me and tell me finally that you've
waited all this time that you, yes you
finally want me
and I'll lay back down on the sharp rocks and say
I have you now
I have you now
I have you now

assume the position

hold on to your right hand
as I to
the left

get back in the corner
brace yourself for the
fall

and
take it down              a little bit
(in solitude)
mention myself mentioning myself
held
on
to
the
dream

and fall right down
(hold me back up)
I knew what I had to do
and if I knew, what it was like
to be you I'd have to

assume
the
position
let it be heard
out to the world
my ideas, and my strengths
and the wills, not the woulds
could have would have if I tried
forgot for a second how to cry
except for the things that don't even pertain to me at all
and my excuses, if I may, could I throw my life away
and forget
the biggest one of all
I look to the sky and wonder why and wonder why and wonder why
but lie to myself and tell myself that everything's fine
(it's all in your mind) and why, oh why
couldn't you do more
am I lying on the floor for peace, or for
attention
try new things, again
all in
my mind
I'll look at
you
from far away
down the hall
wanting to call your name out, and hold
on a little bit
I know you feel the same way, I know it's like that
and honestly, I think you could be, more scared than me
about *this

and that's what she probably thinks
I know her better than myself
that's the idea
that's where we find our meaning
in each other's thoughts
we cannot hear, we only make up
choices are wrong and I've tried hard
to stop
and cry
I do it all the
time
and I think you know
if you knew
you'd understand
feelings  in real life are alien to you
but they're there
in fantasies of
assuming the position
I know it's true
when I look at you
and you look back
and I look over every face
every mistake cannot be reversed

but still, maybe
if I wanted to
I could just confess
in real life
that I have never and ever and never will again
feel the same way
about this
and you're my goddess
forever, and ever
you've shaped my
everything
more than you'll ever know
and words are ****
sometimes
emotions are worse
I am the Fall
get away from me
get away from me
get away from me
all of you, yes, all of you
get away from me
won't you see
that I'm right
here under
the polluted stars

and then I think

as everything grows
quieter
and quieter

that every face hides the
same thing

and then I know
the words need
to stop
they need to stop and everyone's looking
at the aura and the pain and
no one can feel it again and

I held tightly
the idea
that everyone reading is actually myself

I could die a hundred times over just to restart
but no matter
just stare at me
all of you
and I'll only look at you

it's not dark, it's light
let me in through the gates to drown in the sea of
mindless people
you're all so pitiful
you're all so sad, and for some reason
it's the only thing that makes me

mad

I
'both are the answers'
I think that's what he said, what he says is dead, he used to say
he told me that I must find my wall,
but what could that mean, and would it matter at all,
really, if I didn't know who or what my wall was
but staring out into the distance, not aware of time or space
I saw laughter and the smile, and then the defense
my god, my god, was she the wall
are you the wall,
my god, my god

I can be the halo to my halo,
she only told me that so I'd be grateful, but
grateful for what, was the question
'you must have careful planning'
she told me again
to plan for the nothingness that grows in my backyard
or my illusions at night,
you encompass my bed and my arms are around dozens
of people that are just the same as you

my god, my god,
why should we be all the same
to lose ourselves in the calls and the texts and all the other
messages we get late at night
or the messages we wished we'd get during the day

so ***** your curiosity to **** in the truth
or the subjective, whatever's important, whatever rings the right way, sounds the
right way,
'You will make bells and I will paint icons'
Funny thing is I can't do either, but your Christ-like beauty
held me near, your smile, you're the wall, at least that's what I like
to imagine as I stare out the window in utter boredom

and the art can't even add up to your gleaming sun

II
I scratch my arm with the semi-broken pen
as the lady in white yells about the news
I can feel her fingers create the atmosphere,
and the dream is ******* me in as I try
once again to be buried in the replacements of many,
and I know, and I think I know
that in just a few seconds I'll see you staring ahead, determined, or lazy
I don't know which, perhaps both, just like me
and then soon I'll get a glimpse of that face and even though
I want to say something I can't say anything and I give up by screaming
inside, I think, at least until I see someone else
and that makes me go deeper, deeper, and deeper
and falling down being the swirling light to the
days of the future and the future of the days is limited
only this time without so much reassurance

III
I don't know how long it took me to understand
that your eyes were not the stars, and you were not my wall
no matter how hard it took for me to **** it up
and be a man, to be a man, my god, my god,
to be a man is to be a god, someone I can't be
so can't you see that
I don't want you to lose yourself
in my masculinity
or my excuse for it
and then I could see my soul  being lifted up by
your eyes

IV**
this is my excuse,
I love it as much as you do
we can look at it as two different things, but it's
one singular thing
one motionless thing
one little thing that has nothing to do
with my separation, my schism from reality
'Where would I be without you?' is what I asked,
not you
implied, maybe, but how am I supposed to know
they say don't look into the future, be the same, live in the moment
the moment is always the same, full of trash and appeasement

and then, finally, I can go back in a flash, and then back to the moment
and the moment I'm always in is the moment that will go on forever
as I trek my odyssey down the hallway to see you, the wall, be my defense
my god, my god
then I see you and your friends cooling yourselves off, talking about
who-knows what and then I groan and
put my head on the table, am I embarrassed, or envious, or jealous, or all three
or everything, I'm everything but a man, the man that's defined as a real man
the man you'd like to lose yourself in, no, no I'm not that man or a "man"
I'm only a human, if I'm anything, but to be a man,
my god, my god
I think I could understand, then, I think I could understand you
if I could be a man, if I could be a man, then I would understand,
my god, my god, my god
is a man
and I am not