How can I love you
when you don’t love me?
Like everybody,
I am a human
And I have a heart,
a selfish heart
which wants me to be happy
So,
Is it possible to love you selflessly?
I don’t know….


Lying in the ground,
If I stare at the sky
and the merrily flickering
white clouds,
I think of you.
And, when the cloud flows
with the help of zephyr
forming your sketch
in the colossal blue canvas,
I adore the view
that leads me to you.


At the nights,
as the cricket sings outside,
I remember the cool autumn nights
when I used to sing
love songs for you.
My voice used to pierce
the soft part of your heart
and with teary eyes; you
used to kiss me at the
pale moon light.
Ah! My love,
that was my paradise.


And Now,
My heart shivers in pain
because it misses you,
your divine touch of
your lips on mine,
and the  warmth of
your soul.
My trembling body
rushes towards the window,
and I gaze the shimmering
stars and the glistening
moon.
Each reminds me of you.


But how can I keep on
loving you,
as the very crystal moon
and the gleaming  stars
never remind you of me?
How can I keep smiling
when you sketch the face
of some other person
but mine,
on that very lovely
moonshine.


For how long should I try
to be strong,
and
avert myself from
doing something wrong?
No matter, how selflessly
I did start,
I am finding it sore,
to hush
my egoistic heart..


If today I try
to run away,
this breeze with your
aroma
comes my way.
And,
reminds me of you,
Once again.
Once again, I
crave for your touch
and the tears will only fall
with the golden memories
of such.


I want you to know this,
If you decide to leave me
and keep me waiting for you
stranded all alone,
I may no longer be selfless.
My pounding heart may
break into million pieces
and, my love,
tell me how can I still love you
with that shattered heart?

I am not that strong……

I deal with problems
In a funny way
and maybe it's because I'm selfish but
My own problems
devour me
If someone I care about
"Burdens" me (as they would say)
with their problems
It sort of drowns out my problems
Which is a good thing
Because no matter how loud I scream
No matter if I have shrieked in terror, loathing, and misery
Until my throat is raw
At my problems
I. Can. Still. HEAR. THEM.
But to hear of someone else’s life
That is far worse than I could ever imagine
It drowns out those voices in my head
…but last time
I didn’t handle it well.
That was my fault
I should have been trustworthy enough
Not to make it worse
I should have been a good friend
But I WASN’T! I KEPT HER COMPANY IN HER PRISON CELL, THE ONE SHE CALLS HER MIND
AND THAT WAS MY FAULT I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT
I should have anchored myself to the shore
And kept her alive, and above the surface
In the light
But I didn’t
I just drowned with her
Down in the darkest depths
I just dragged her down farther
And I will admit
At the moment
I am not on shore
But I am not in an ocean, like her
I am treading water
In the nearest lake
And after last time, I don’t blame her for a second for not telling me
I don’t deserve to be trusted
But last time we were both in the ocean
I think I just have trouble handling it when we are both in the same type of trouble
This time
I am just struggling to stay afloat in a lake
Lakes are nice
Less of a big deal
I’m fine
Really
I will have good days and bad days in this lake
But really, I’m fine
Now that she has trusted me enough
To tell me her problems
If she is in an ocean
And I am in a lake
There is a stretch of land between us
If knowledge of secrets are chains
Running from her, to shore, to me
Then maybe I can help to keep her afloat this time
I will keep her afloat this time
I promise I will
I hope that she can trust me enough
From now on
To tell me her problems
Because this time is different
There is always potential
For it to get dark again
But that is only
If I learned absolutely nothing from last time
And I promise I certainly learned a lot
I can handle it
It hurts me far, far more
To not know what is bringing her down
It breaks my heart to think
She is afraid to dump all her problems on me
Because I want her to dump all her problems on me
It drowns out my own
And it makes me aware
And I just want to help her
I really just want to help her
Not like last time
I want another chance
To be trusted with everything
The way it used to be
To be trusted with all of the burdens
Because this time
I won’t ***** it up
I won’t let the burden crush me too
It’s like if someone hands you 30 pounds
You might fall if you weren’t expecting it
But this time
I know to expect it and how to not let it crush me
Please
I just want to be trusted
To have learned enough not to let it just get dark again between us
I want to be trusted with all the burdens
Because I can take it
It won’t  trigger me
I understand if you keep things from me
And I will never be angry with you for it
But it hurts me so much more
Not to know
Please trust me again.
Please.

everything i've loved, i've lost.