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 Aug 2014 Bárbara Izquierdo
AJ
I bleed and I purge,
Because when I do
More leeves my body and my soul
Than just blood and *****.
The white blood cells cannot
Fight off my self hatred
Your hatred
The lies
The insecurities
The words anyone ever said
Everything I've ever heard
Ever over heard.
The bruises I get from you all might vanish
But they poison my blood.
And every meal I eat with anyone,
And with myself
It is poison.
I bleed out thousands of pounds.
I regurgitate the words I heard
As you held me down on that pool table at the party
And as you showed up drunk to my basketball game when I was 13
And as all of you stood outside my door bashing me.

But it's all a virus.
I can't get rid of all of it,
And everything multiplies.
It grows.
It fills me up
And it's why I'm so big.
 Aug 2014 Bárbara Izquierdo
AJ
Lody
 Aug 2014 Bárbara Izquierdo
AJ
Children pinch there skin
And think that they are looking
At the dinner they finished six minutes ago.
And they hate themselves.
They hate there bodies for needing food.
They hate their parent's for feeding them.
They hate themselves
For their cute pink pinch able cheeks, and full bellies.
They hate everyone who's ever said
"Someone must have been hungry."

And they never grow out of it.

They skip more than just dessert,
They cut more than construction paper,
They ingest more pills than food.
They hate it. They hate it. They hate everything.
THEY HATE IT.
THEY HATE IT.
THEY HATE EVERYTHING.
They hate themselves.

You can't just come back from something like that.
They'll leave home one day,
And with no one telling them to eat,
They won't.
With no one to watch them,
They'll bleed dry.

You can't just come back from something like that.
Thunder resonates throughout my entire being
If there's rain,
I can't feel it
But I can taste it
As it slithers past my parted lips,
Cool against the tip of my tongue

Absently, I watch it caress my skin
Slowly pouring down,
Like tears across my face
Briefly revealing my bruised soul

And I wish I could describe this ache
I hate the terror in my head
More than I could ever possibly say

I doubt anyone will ever have the patience to break through my walls

After all,
Damaged goods are still damaged
No matter how attractive they might be

I can't ****** my way into a happy ending

© 2014 Peach
It's getting bad again.

Sing to me
The lost lullaby
Of forgotten dreams--

Maybe I can sleep this night away.

I was left alone in the
Quiet darkness.
Rather than peace,
I could have screamed and cried.
My feelings are too strong.


*At least I can feel.
Malaise: uneasiness; indefinable feeling of illness or discomfort.
The burden of all
these lives
is bringing me down to
size
buried in the
sorrows of others
I must confide, my dear
My dreams are
filled with
dread of another day
But my work is never
done - the walking wounded
an endless line,
a samba line
dancing to a thousand
individual tunes
all of which
wind up echoing
in my mind as I listen
for those common themes
search for any magic words
I can bring back to
you, my dear
as you sit in that
four white walled
room
Speaking to a
random sound
and I with all
those questions
all that experience
all those answers
helpless in
my divide
the professional
the personal
both in total heartbreak, my dear
both only left with that
long lost loving sigh.
Heading up to the Sierras be back later.
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