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  3d C J MILLER
peyton
I said I’d take it slow—
but my heart never learned pacing.
It jumps ahead,
writes your name in the margins
before I’ve even turned the page.

You’re not the loud kind of beautiful—
you’re the quiet type,
the “wait, who’s that?”
the kind that walks past
and leaves my chest buzzing like a cheap speaker
turned all the way up
on a love song I wasn’t ready for.

I try not to stare.
So I listen instead.
To your voice,
your laugh,
your "random disappearance thingy,"
like it’s Morse code
for maybe, maybe not.

You don’t know it,
but I write about you in lowercase
because you feel gentle.
Like a song I play at night
and pretend doesn’t mean anything.

I don’t need a fairytale.
I just want a chance.
To be someone you look at
like I’m not just another friend
in the blurry background of your life.

And if not—
well.
At least you’ll always live here,
between the lines,
in poems I’ll pretend aren’t about you.
It is proven that we are all made of stars.
Not just one but multiple.
We were once tiny little particles that grew under pressure,
And shined bright for millions of years.
That was until we were released into the universe,
For a new life to be led.
I believe the people we meet in this world,
Those we have an instant connection with,
Share a star with us.
We recognize them because we once spent millions of years with them.
Growing.
Changing.
Developing in the same pressure.
I believe that our soulmates are made up of the exact same stars as us.
The same elemental composition.
It is the reason we are so comfortable.
Why they feel like home.
It is the home we knew for millions of years.
The twin flame of our soul.
  3d C J MILLER
lizie
i wish you meant it when you say you love me.
i know you think you do,
but you don’t.
because if you loved me,
you wouldn’t be leaving without saying goodnight.
i know you’re not asleep
because you always fall asleep early when i’m upset.
i get it.
i’m too much.
i’m only good
when i’m telling you how much i love you.

if you loved me
you would’ve said
“stop rereading your old poems,
they only hurt you.”
you would’ve said
“baby i love you
and i wish you didn’t feel like you have to cut yourself.”
and you’d mean it.
when i tell you that i want to anyway,
you’d say
“don’t.
but if you do, be safe.”
and i wouldn’t.
because you love me.
but you don’t.

if you loved me,
i’d feel it even when i’m sad.
even when you’re speechless.
and even when you’re upset with me
for being upset.
but i didn’t.
i felt like
i ruined everything.
and i felt like
you didn’t love me.
please come back to me.
Oh God,
I know I don't believe in you,
but what am I supposed to do?
I feel so useless
I try so hard
but I fear that she'll still end up lifeless

So I'm finally asking you
how do I get her to see
that what I'm telling her is true?
Oh God
If you're really real
now's the time to prove it
now's the time to show your cards
and let my words reason with her heart
and show her there's more to life than what
feels like fate.

let her see that the only author in life
is the one that writes her story
and that it doesn't have to be over
there's plenty of time to have a happy ending.

I guess I should say, amen
I'm not religious by any means but I need to cover my bases, and if it doesn't work.
                                            at least I tried
  3d C J MILLER
lizie
i thought i was doing good.
i let myself open up,
not all the way,
just enough to feel brave.

and maybe i hoped
he’d know what to say.
but maybe that’s on me.
maybe no one knows what to say.

now the conversation feels quieter
than any silence we left.
and i wish i could go back
to the moment before i ruined it.
but more than that,
i wish i didn’t ruin everything with sadness.
I'm trying to save people,
like I'm some sort of super hero.
but I don't have powers
so what am I doing
I cant climb walls
or lift cars
or leap over tall buildings with a single bound.

But here I am trying nonetheless
to clean up a never ending mess of death
and despair.

let me save you now,
from all that ails you
let me save you from all the hate
and all the sorrow
but most of all
let me save you from yourself.
I'm trying to do be a superhero and save people, but what if I'm not making a difference at all?
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