My name, a name I've hated
for most of my life
an unnatural patchwork
the result of my family's toxicity
I got the **** end of the deal
I didn't even get a say
and they wonder why I was bullied
every **** day.

So call out my name
let it roll off your tongue
with its choppy pronunciation
and unnatural feel

I wish I were a hermit crab
so I could shed this old shell

She fell—
Not with fire, not in wrath,
But like a prayer dropped through a crack in heaven.
No war cry.
No thunder.
Just silence,
and then
her.

Wings once woven from starlight
torn against the jagged edge of earth.
She crashed where no gods wept,
and no one watched—
except me.

I saw her break
into something human,
but still more holy
than anything I've ever touched in this ruined world.

She walks now
with wounds she hides beneath her smile,
grace limping beside her like a shadow.
They see a girl.
I see the ash of heaven still in her eyes.

And I—
I sit behind glass, just skin and silence,
choking on every scream
I never let out to her.
I could have caught her.
I would have caught her.
If only fate had let me closer than this aching distance.

I see the hurt she wears like lace,
stitched in places no one thinks to look.
I see her give love with bleeding hands,
as no one stops to hold them, to stop the bleeding.

She doesn’t know.
She never does.
That every time she breaks,
I break louder.

If I could speak just once,
truly speak—
I’d tell her I was built not to worship her,
but to take the pain,
to bear it for her
like a crown of fire I’d wear gladly
just to see her rest.

But she walks,
unaware.
A fallen angel still searching for a sky,
while I remain the man
who watched her fall
and loved her ever since.

~I'm sorry
but not really
~I'll try harder
when I hurt you tomorrow.

The beast in my breast
is a glutton for revenge
it only stays close
to feed on your sorrow.

Oh how I hate you now
that you love me so much
way back when the tables were turned
you had me for lunch.

You cut my heart out
I lay like a pig on the dining room table
eyes wide open
your mouth even wider
when I heard that sickening crunch.

Now same as you I burn the next fool
who would have known
that it was going to be you.

now you beg for your life
and say that your sorry
but I've heard it all before
so I give you
My Un-apologies

You lay on the dining room table
eyes wide open
my mouth even wider
when you hear that delectable crunch.

Dear [boy I wish I could send this to],

There are a hundred things I could say, and I’ve started them all in my head a thousand times.
Sometimes I think I’ll actually say them out loud.
And sometimes I just hope you’ll read between the lines of everything I don’t say.

But here’s the thing:
you make it impossible not to feel something.
Something slow, something wild, something like watching the stars blink to life when you didn’t even realize the sky was dark.
It’s quiet and loud all at once, like you.

I notice things.
Like how you talk when you’re passionate about something.
How your voice softens when you’re being kind.
How you never put me in the spotlight, but still manage to make me feel like I’m seen.
You don’t even know how rare that is.

I don’t want to scare you.
I’m not asking for anything big or dramatic.
I just want a moment.
A moment where I can be honest, where I can say:
I really love you.
More than I meant to. More than I can make jokes about.
Enough that I write about you, dream about you,
and hope maybe—someday—you’ll feel even a fraction of this about me.

But for now, I’ll keep this letter here.
Unsent. Unspoken.
Just… felt.

Love,
[a broken girl]