So this is what finally tips
the saltwater bucket,
sends the rivers down my cheeks-
Home cannot be home without you here,
and I wish you didn’t have to go.

It’s ok to watch the ghosts sometimes.
It’s ok to look at them
and wonder, “What if?”
It’s ok to watch them smile
and wish that you were the cause.
It’s only natural,
and it proves how much
you really care.

It’s okay to watch the ghosts sometimes,
the occasional glance back
as you walk away.
Everyone’s pace is different,
so don’t be embarrassed by yours.
Just don’t let the ghosts
blind you to what’s
right in front of you.

You make me feel
soft
and
warm,
And it’s such a nice change.

Someone will be reading this soon,
ready to learn my secrets,
ready to hear my thoughts.
And to you, new heart, I say,
Welcome to my world.
Tread carefully through these words,
for they contain a rollercoaster
of emotions,
a constantly shifting tide.
Here is where you see who
I really am.

The infection is returning,
seeping into my blood—
soon I will be a creature
of shadows and tears.

I can't stop remembering
the night
my innocence was devoured
by pressure -
I wasn't ready,
but I let him in anyway.

It's a gentle death, a slow dissolving of energy, dissipating in a dramatic burst of color.
   The leaves flutter their tips in the chilly wind, and the fire creeps throught their veins.
   The flames devour healthy chlorophyll, changing healthy green to vibrant orange and crimson.
   As the wind drops in temperature and rises in cruelty, the leaves shudder and tremble, feeling the looming grasp of death, fearing the desecration.
   They crumble, leaving nothing but brown ashes scattered carelessly along the grass and pavement.
   The tree shivers in the cold, turning its face to the sun to wait for fresh, newly green leaves to bud; it waits for the warm rebirth of spring.

Write again
(Right again)
He wants me to write again
(He wants me to be right again)
My soul is in my words, my blood is the flowing ink,
And I must write again
(I must be right again)
If I wish to be me
(If I wish to be free)

The nice thing about being free
is that I can give other hearts
a chance.
Maybe this one will stay.

I've got scratches on my shoulder,
and cuts on my thigh;
One came from love,
the other from self-hate.

I don't know how to keep doing this,
keep living with this monster under my skin -
he likes to come out and play
when I least expect it.
He tears me to pieces,
or, rather,
makes me want to tear
myself
to pieces.
I hate it!

How can I keep living this way,
surely one day
he will win.

I’ve been caught
in a bubble of my own creation,
cold and suffocating.

Feeling your heart
beat against my hand
is a soothing reassurance;
You’re alive, you’re real,
and you’re here with me,
not just a silver-cloud dream.

I thought
that maybe
I could find
myself
again,
but I'm still so aimless.

I wish it was easier
for me to just cry.

Your lips
are as soft
as butterfly wings;

I want
to hold you
until the end of time.

You keep cutting deeper and deeper -
but don't you remember what you told me?
"Every time you hurt
yourself,
it hurts me, too."
Your cuts leave scars on your skin
and my heart.
I wish we could both learn
how to stop.

Last night
I dreamed I was high,
Once again able to touch the sky.
I woke up
with my body aching
and my mind spinning,
and reality was all too real.

Why are you here
still stuck in my head
when I should have moved on,
and it's been over a year?
Why do I hate you,
when all you did was
leave?

The night drags itself across the sky,
weary and slow;
Below, I lie awake, cursed with starlight.

Oh, my God,
I think I'm actually going to
cry.

stardust
  woven
through
  my
bones,
  forever
a
  reminder
of
  the
fires
  we
were
  born
from

Oh, yes,
I'm fine,
just a little lonely
with a side of mildly suicidal.

But don't worry,
I'll still be breathing
in the morning.

There is a sudden peace.

I stared the dark fog of death
in the eyes
and I never blinked.

I feel strong. I feel like
I understand.
I may not know yet
where I will go,
but I know now
how I will live.
My heart will lead the way,
for I know that it won’t lead me
astray.
The pain that I’ve felt
has only made me stronger,
so that I can survive the future.
I will not die,
for I have too much life to share.

I should delete the poems
I wrote for you -
But they’re too beautiful,
too painfully true.

Dark room,
full of thoughts,
daylight threatening
from the edge

Words float here,
ghosts on the walls,
remembering everything
we'll never forget

Dreams hang low
from the ceiling,
faint spiderwebs that glisten
amongst the dusty cobwebs

Don't grab them, don't pull;
those threads are still so fragile,
and these burdens weigh us down.

Whisper to them,
watch them shiver,
trembling from the sounds
of tired voices

One day at a time,
repeat the motions,
smile and nod,
survive.

Over and over again
we step forward
and fall back,
staring at the clouds

Just fall asleep here,
just for now;
it's time for a little break
from the endless mud.

I can feel the sadness sitting in my chest, lapping against my ribcage like an agitated ocean. The tide is rising. I’ll have to fight to survive today. I wish the ocean would just stay calm, that warm waters could be all that flow through my veins. Instead, I feel like a broken faucet - spouting hot water one moment and cold water the next.

I've been sitting in darkness for a while,
but you've brought me back to light -
I feel like I'm floating free,
and it is such a relief.

You put the static back into my body -
the kind that gives me life.
Holding your hand
was such a comfort,
and I didn't want it to end.

My heart feels like
a classic holiday tale,

Growing to 4x the size,
warmer than it's ever been

I have more favorite sounds,
your laugh now included,

Your smile a new favorite view;
I marvel at the collection

These experiences I never knew
could be possible for me

This sudden, boundless emotion,
a genuine look into infinity.

You see beauty in me,
a torn flower?
One of us is surely blind.

“If I told you I was going to die tomorrow,” she asked, “What would you say to me today?”
“Why? Are you going to die tomorrow?” he replied.
“No!” she answered, voice swollen with certainty. “I’m just curious.”
He gazed at her for a long time, then answered her question. Love softened her eyes, and she smiled at his answer, showing her approval with a kiss.

The next morning, glass shattered and tires screamed, and no one saw it coming.
She didn’t even feel the impact.

He found out through a crackly announcement, stained with shallow losses.

He spoke his answer twice, and the second time was over her coffin, pale wood painted midnight. His words fell with his  tears, staining the blue with white sorrow.

“I will never forget you, never take you out of my heart. Even though you’re not here, our souls are still bound for all eternity. I swear that I will find you again someday.”

It all hurts so much,
and I know I'm hurting you,
and I'm sorry for the silence.
There is darkness in me that you don't want to see,
trust me.

I could
fall apart
at any second.

I don't want you to see that,
so I lock myself away.

I'm sorry.

This isn’t where I wanted to be,
hiding in the other room
on New Year’s.

Hunger and exhaustion
struck war with
defeat and depression
over a bowl of noodles.

And suddenly
it’s the
dragon in the room,
breathing down our backs
and burning us deep.

I wanted to be sinking into
warmth and love,
feeling hope and joy.


Here I sit in cold white light
hearing his voice

how sad it is


I hate that sadness.
I hate when he sounds like
the whole universe is crushing him
in an Iron Maiden of molten metal.

I wish
he would just
take the time
to listen.

New year.

We're
mirror-minds,
you and I.

as I look to the sky,
I begin to realize
that the depths
of the seas and stars
hold my heart
so tightly close

and perhaps
that's why
I'm slowly losing
the will
to breathe

You force us to step backwards,
degrading who we are meant to be as
humans.

We should be charging forward,
learning,
growing,
and changing
for the better.

Instead,
you seem to wish us to be
nothing more than simple
monkeys,
gobbling the foul feces
that is flung our way.

Something is trying to
destroy me
from the inside.

I am ghost.

I am faded,
not really here.

I sit,
I speak,
I play along.

I am faded paint
on a broken doll
with glazed eyes.

I am the raindrops
that throw themselves to the ground
and explode.

I am the spirit
that hovers in the corner
and watches
every
little
thing.

silence.

I am
the dust that
settles
in the corners
you can't see.
I float in the light
and savor my freedom
until the dark
forces me down
again.

I am ghost.

It's been a while
since I've felt this sting–

A good friend was taken too soon,
lured by the temptation of darkness

It circles in my head,
round and round again

Why, and how, and what if–
A thousand times, what if?

I have to keep breathing,
don't get lost in the waves

This cannot consume me.

Alice, Alice,
little yellow-haired Alice.
falling through the rabbit hole,
drowning in your tears;
take a sip from the golden bottle,
it’ll help you escape your fears.

A small lie
has torn us apart,
broken my heart,
and left me in the dark
again.

You're a melody in my head,
thinking of your voice,
remembering your heartbeat.

The tune will be on loop,
making this smile
a permanent fixture.

I’m
just
banging
against
the
glass,
trapped
in
a
fishbowl
full
of
*****
water.

When the star grows old,
does it always explode?
Does it swell and grow,
then
just
BURST?

Or will it simply shrink
and slowly
die?

I'm so tired
of trying not to drown

How many times
have I said it already?

Too many.
The waves won't stop.

I get pulled further
down every time.

Are you all down there?
Sunken to a fathomless darkness,

Reaching and clawing for air
until hope finally failed you?

I wish I could pull you back,
but wishing is a waste of breath.

I'm haunted by the ocean,
and the faces I cannot see.

you're
stuck
in
my
head
as
though
planted,
growing
and
invading.

I
don't
want
to
clear
you­
out.

And suddenly
when I look at you
my heart flutters
in way that it hasn’t done
in a long time.

Oh, I hoped
I could be free from this,
but I suppose I knew better.

The ache in my chest,
the crashing in my ears,
my vision full of blue,

so much blue

Oh, I hoped
I wouldn't have to swim,
reaching and kicking

Hoping to keep my fingers
to the cool air above,
a reminder that I have a chance

This ocean isn't one
you can simply see,
but it's so real,

so painfully real

to me.

Your heartbeat
has become
my new favorite rhythm

Reverberating
through the warmth
of this perfect space

I haven't felt this
since the very first
silly little poems

As though my blood
has turned to ambrosia
and everything is sweet

Cloud 9
feels like nothing
when I think of you

We're on our own cloud,
safe and warm,
floating forever.