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 Sep 2018 Josh
There’s something about writing
my feelings for you.

When it hurts,
the pen doesn’t stop.
With every stroke,
it gets darker
and poisonous.

Until it all gets ugly,
The tears smudged the ink.
Because no word,
no phrase
can ever substitute the pain.

All of them are wasted,
crumpled into the shred.
That’s what it’s like
thinking of you.

All of the hurting,
Time had made us
good enough
Not for each other
But for ourselves.

There were too many words
For us to say,
When all we needed
are four simple words.




the art of letting go
 Sep 2018 Josh
Yue Wang Yitkbel
There are lights in the sky
Each a lamp lit for someone else
And none for me

I’d sent flame after flame
Up there for you hoping that
One day they’d be bright enough
To reach you

To listen to your words of white heat warmth
That will send a wave of fire through
The void and light a billion stars
For me
Even if you didn’t intend to
Your words, your smile,
Even your silence is what
Lit up the sky for me
So that I saw besides everlasting darkness
And ever more endless shadow
There are life brewing in the silence
Though not for me

The silence only smothers, and suffocates me
Like an invisible hand tightly gripping onto my throat
Without me noticing, ever so violently
Yet ever so slowly squeezing harder and harder
Till I cannot breath, not knowing the reason why

It forces me down into the depth of the abyss
Till I am no longer one, but one with the shadow
One with the bottomless pit of despair and fear
Till I am no longer within the void, but am the void

Yet, when I saw you
When I met you
I was lifted up out of where I thought I belonged
And could hold against the weight
Of all that is without light
The gloom, the shadows, the night
The black of space
The silence that cries
And floated weightlessly
Above, below, and within
All there ever was, and will be
For, even though I know not how
My love for you
Has the power to lift me up:

Beyond the wild fields of stars
Beyond the glistening ocean of light
Beyond the dreamless darkness
Beyond the unkempt bed of life
Beyond the inescapable swamp of death
And beyond
All of time

To a place where only the existence of you
Holds out its shapeless hand to me
And lead me
Rather the merely dust, and breath of me
Through the void, to the empty vessel
Carrying all the pure
Feelings, senses, love, and even pain

Though it is a place
Way beyond the rays of any sun
Way beyond the circle of life
Way beyond decay and apathy
Way beyond flesh and blood

I saw every color
Every being
Every state of being
Every possible and impossible thing
Every time and space
Pass through the ghost of you and I
And cease to be
At least that’s what they appeared to be

The twinges, the sharp electric sparks
You sent through out every atom of my body
And every participle of my soul
Told me that

They are no longer life that exist exterior to us
But within us, or rather
They are us, were us, and will always be
As they have never existed otherwise
In and since that moment of eternity

I see every river through me
My blood and hair
Every fish, your touch
Every dancing seagrass
The joy your gaze ripples through me

I see every mountain and valley
All around you
Every bump on your skin
Every wave on your fingertips
Every stone and sharp edges, my pain
Every field my words of love unending

Every burning star
Dots our shining eyes
Every moon, every heavenly body
That passes, they are the fleeting
Yet never ceasing reflection of affections
Waltzing again and again across our sight
Playful like children
Not yet exposed to any worldly sorrow

Every bit of space without light
Every pit of pure darkness
Caves of eternal shadow
Every howling silence that plunders pass
They are too, forever part of our love
They are the pain of longing
That makes each moment of proximity
So frighteningly precious
Afraid to be lost, so keeping it close
Like a token of innocent love
Pass down through generations
Till no being of flesh and mind
Remains, yet the dust still holds
Tightly onto it
Never letting go

At last
Every bit of you
Like water droplets through the given earth
Like sunshine in an inseparable bond with life
Like rains of stars that will never leave the sky
Have seeped, melted, and spread
Through every drop sweet and bitter of me
Till I am no longer just acquainted with living
But am the very dream of life.
I have been struggling with writer's block again.
So here's a repost from not so long ago:
Originally posted:

And inspired by:
 Sep 2018 Josh
I wake to the morning sun beams
seeping through the curtains,
the white crumpled sheets
contrasting with our cocoa tans.

You’re awake too, the sweet constellations of freckles
that surround your rosy skin
Stretch wide as you smile at me,
that smile.

We are a tangle of legs and arms,
Completing each other.
I feel you whisper in my ear
making me blush,
Kissing my neck so I hold you
tighter, closing my eyes
with pleasure.

As the pillows that are your lips
Press into my warm skin,
I can’t help but wander my mind,
down to your hands running down my chest and my thighs and my hips.

My chest; and my thighs; and my hips.
 Sep 2018 Josh
Make her wait xx
 Sep 2018 Josh
So I understand that
It’s good to release,
to flush away the bad ****,
the toxins and the chemicals.
But every now and then
I like to tease it, trace the outline of the rose until it’s spread it’s petals, then stop.
Let it die down, slowly, gently.
It’s a way of controlling the
Little things, the right gaps to fill.
Manipulating those who expect
the usual.
 Sep 2018 Josh
There’s a way with you,
how you see all of me

pulling me out
naked and unashamed

Not only finding my heart, but showing me the path too.

One day, maybe, you’ll let me sift through your ravaged parts

I can’t fix them,
but we’ll merge them with mine
and create something beautiful
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