No one ever falls in love with me.
I have pimples that don't go away
a buttoned nose that no one ever thinks is attractive,
I have a chubby person who doesn't take health seriously
No sense of fashion nor i wear make up all the time.
I am awkward and i am weird.

Sometimes, I play the role of just being that one funny and stupid friend who makes me their bro and nothing else.
They laugh at my shenanigans but they can never fall in love.

But why am i craving for love anyway?
is it because i wanted to experience cute moments that i see in every love stories?
is it because i want to know how it feels to kiss another person in a romantic way that butterflies would burst in my stomach? i dont know.

but i want to...

The trust
Those white lies
A straight face as they utter those words.
You failed them.
You failed yourself as you try to change.
They'll figure out what you did,
You'll face those harsh punishment,
And you'll lose them and yourself,
Shut up, just shut up.
You'll hurt yourself.
Don't say anything.
Even if it hurts.
Even if it means knowing you didn't spill.

You scream and shout and let pride take over you
you never admit you were wrong and you begin to think of unreasonable stuff
yet you still  love and love because that's morally the right thing to do
Divorce is being a problem  in our country which results to most people  here having a more toxic life than it already is but let me just  tell you,
is your life  worth it?
are your children the reason of your worth?
leaving people to suffer behind, i don't exactly see what you're trying to do.
more  or less, the reason  why i prefer girls  over  boys but you wont even believe that.
i'm sick and tired of your presence everyday i wish you still  work abroad.
i know that's easier said than done...
knowing i'd soon regret ever saying it.
but i really  wish i could  get out of this house regardless if my traditions would  burden me thinking, "why don't you live  with your parents" shaming me because i'm leaving them.
i  can't stand this environment and i don't care about what you say.
i just want to be happy even if it means ending my life in this world  full of hate and chaos.

Life goes round and round,
Going to school, learn, do homework and sleep.
Repeat this til you graduate and it's work, sleep, eat.
Times like this I'd like to cut off it and try new things.
The catch is there isn't anything to try.
Times like this, I'd like to take a break from school without trying to fall ill. I just wanna live life

At night i dream about you.
Not just by holding your hand.
In places where i get to be alone with you, i feel safe and sound
Keys, strings tied to my broken heart in a box, you opened them so quickly.
All i could ever give to you unknowingly is because i love you.

I woke up, face wet knowing it was all a dream.

A photo taken from long ago
A decade i may recall,
That decade i could remember,
Those smiles beneath both your cheek
Hands showing peace.
Those smiles as you stare,
A photograph i could only capture.
A photograph i could only hold.
A paper worth a memory.
But i could never live in to it.

Clearly, you're unwell.
Clearly, you need help.

I'm unwell.
I do need help.

But why you.
Why of all people it's you?

I don't know why but i should know you chose me.

I know and i love you as well.

I can't return that.

Why not?

You’re not happy, you’re not sad
You feel nothing
Why does nothing hurt more than being sad
Why does happiness hurt sometimes
It’s one of those things that drives you mad sometimes

From the day we met i never knew why it strucked me more as if I've been hit by a bus or stunk by a bee.
I kept sticking on you like a mighty bond glueing a broken sole of a shoe.
I want people to realise how amazing you were but you never had any effort to do so.
You say you're not attractive nor would you think you are even for the slightest bit.
You hide problems more that you could speak words thats far from it
You tend to shut your mouth only because it was better that way.
You fear the presence of people and cry in front of class.
You ask people to buy you things from stores to the point that its all going to sink into your heart that you are useless towards others. You're just a victim waiting to happened but what about us?
I want to be there. I want to listen to you i want people to realise how amazing you are. That you are enough to make them all smile. They did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong.
I want you to realised that your flaws pushes you back
Your doubts and fears are just nothing because you wouldn't have to face it alone because I'm here. Your friends are just an arm length away
Stop minding what other people say  
Realise that you are capable to find more friends and to love not just at appearances but for who they are as a person. Everyone clearly loves you and i love you, too.
Realise that i love you more.

Im so tired
Im too tired of doing homework
Everything just piling up one by one
I couldn't stand it. I wanna get out
But you really have no choice.

I don't care.
You wont live long.
Its just life

She waves her hair back and fourth smiling so innocently it caputres your eyes.
Your kind of love you may reveal but not the kind of love you would bare to hold her hands and kiss her from her soft tinted lips. She's perfect. Picture perfect.
Pictures taken from scenes, her scenes, it hurts.
It'll forever be stored and takes time to view and make a choice to delete.
In which couldn't bare to delete.
A photo in which it made you happy.
I stored away the SD card hiding away those happy memories when she swooped you off your feet. Those happy memories I couldn't achieve.

I was happy,
I wasn't sad,
I was jumpy,
I'm never mad.

They came,
They were angry.
They shot me,
They screamed and i cry.

I grew and nothing changed.
But just a little,
They screamed once again

Why are you doing this
Why is it me?
If I'm gone no one is gonna miss?
The actions i make
It's not my fault
It was a mistake
You think I'll grow
From your screams?

Yes, i know you love someone else
You yearn to talk to that person every waking day.
Everytime i glance,
Everytime i see you.
Everytime you opened your phone and even when you see her.
She’s like the only person on earth.
You wouldn’t care less about anyone else.
I’m so clueless about love

What can i do?
Every single day id have myself see you
And we would laugh together and act like brothers.
You said you love me but it’s another thing
I could never reply to that
Because if i did, what would i think?

The gap in the clouds that makes us see both ends of the world coming from a bottle of alcohol.
Behind all those crazy shenanigans has always been a coping mechanism on how much the world ***** and how you were there to make it all disappear by a laugh.
How as simple as calling out a friend to go have fun for once.
It was risky. As we are breaking all rules possible to make this happen.
In the end, i could never say 'i didn't have any fun'
it was the most fun I had in a while.
The gap in the clouds that you made has given me something to live on in a world that's way to serious and way too depressing.
Sometimes i wish something like this could last a lifetime.
why would i have to enjoy something that only lasts for a couple of years before going back to the old depressing me?
I want this to go on for a long time. Something as selfish as that made me realize something that i shouldn't have.
something i couldn't show and tell as i make the most irrational thoughts.

Maybe i do have the worst luck,
people thinks i put up a front,
this is why i take things slowly...

"take it easy and distance yourself" i remind myself.

i don't believe in chain messages,
but is it now that i start to regret not forwarding it?

"are you putting up a front?" they always tell me.

and honestly, i wish i did but the truth is, i'm not and it hurts every single time.

i cry every once in a while because of all the bad luck i can't seem to accept the fact that i caused it and that i'll just refuse to cry every time.

when will good luck ever fall on to me?

Sometimes, Sometimes you get anxious everytime no one answers you.
Sometimes, sometimes you'll probably never answer at all.
Sometimes, sometimes people will say i'm rude because i couldn't answer a person.
Why am i like this sometimes? better yet, why am i like this all the time?
I never fully understood about what is wrong with me.
I never got myself checked.
I assume a lot of things but what if it's all true?
You don't know this but, people don't like you.
They pity you.
your huge array of history that has happened the years you've been with the same people know your flaws. they'll keep remembering your flaws.
your flaws are as many as your good ones in life.
why do i keep on living anyway when i'm always taunted most of the time. Even to those who're close to my broken heart.

The songs filtered through my ears as i listened to each and every word.
i understand you never wanted the spotlight.
but you touched me to a deeper understanding of love and sadness
the songs you made, i wish to hear.
i feel like it's my only was to be passive and be okay.
despite being sad

The moment we were friends i saw something in you that made me think, yeah you’re fun.
Everyday was a dream when we share secrets, tips and runs.
Give back jokes and insults one way or another we knew we wouldn’t get offended by it.
You’ve helped me in days that were a little rough and I couldn’t thank you enough.
Little by little when time passes things get a little outdated...
why has things become so distracting everytime ?
A look in your face gives me nothing but a well mushed up face as I could see so much force you’re trying to make.
I’ve shared secrets that meant a lot to me and for some ******* reason i felt annoyed by how much i could tell you’re forcing yourself.
In the end this secret stays with me
The secret some people knows but never agrees one way or another.
I still care for you
Give me time