Into a new world I came
brimming with energy
clear of my shame
yet, it rises again
as the sickness sets in
the bile of reason
still clinging to my throat
I spit out my choices
that burn as I choke
I'm no more a man
than the million I hate
My old condemning voice
laughing in my face
The rotten stench
of judgemental purity
haunting my senses
with hell's fiery fury
And stand, I must
and full-on face
the horror of selfish choices
that pull me into my grave
But why stop there?
On my back with heaven open
the stars cry deep
to fill my tomb
but it would not be justice
to die in the womb
Mother embraces, as she births,
nurtures, and finally claims
every life is equal
every death the same
It is those who destroy
that do not belong
there are too many tears
and too few songs
My circular path of destruction
has isolated me alone
beneath the charred remains
the seed of life lay unsown.
081103~7p

Poet inside:
  help me verse
  my deepest hurts
  and carry the lies
  upon the wind of my stormy skies.

sinking under
this mirrored surface
one last glance
at who I am
undertows from inside
the water flows
to where I hide
distorted vision
time rushing past
to say, "I love you"
took my last gasp
051501~12.4p

Days and nights are blending
into sunsets and dawns
life's not about life anymore
(at least not to us pawns)
Is there an understanding
we've forgotten to seek?
A connection within ourselves
waking from our sleep

We've programmed our defenses
to react -- to attack
to believe blindly in a cause
we sacrifice to defend
Where is our compassion
for the leniency of truth?
When knowledge never ends...
can a belief be complete?
And, can perfection exist
without the search for clarity?
041101~12.02a

Whenever I feel
as I do today
I remember
all of the past
no, all of the bad past
the **** I should've forgotten
This weakness inside
has caused me to cry
and to hurt uncontrollably
...suicidally...
too much to let it go on
again...even anymore.
I believe in trust;
what darkness of the past
influences my heart to disbelieve?
Shall I face the failures
my heart has felt
can I expose them all...
even for myself?
My strength is hiding
I suppose, from itself
weakness    shadows   strength
because in weakness, strength is learned

In my state
I see clearer
I become nearer
to who I need to be
by what I see
inside of me
12/11/00 ~ 10.55p

Her softness
  under the slight touch offered
  creates such serenity
  within me
The jewels within her eyes
  gleam so bright
so sure of her beauty
and the rareness of her love
Her assuring smiles
and playful gazes
move my hands over her
most intimate places
My soul devours her
sudden sweet gasps
my lips hunger
for the breath she takes
my spirit is restless
for the love she makes
9/4/2000

...
bitter stones in my eyes
dragging the ground
weighing heavy on my lacerated heart
Missing the sound
where the beating starts
where life, like the sun, shines
and pulls me into the day.
Instead, I wake
with a mind full of crimes
filtered into rhymes
Sadness still clinging
to the corners of my mouth
Eyes still stinging
from a conversation gone south
Sight flooded with doubt
Lies reaching to the skies
when I fake a smile
But my eyes can't hide
the toll of this trial.
4/15/15 ~ 8.22a

I missed you last night.
We slept in the same bed
but it didn't feel like together.
Nothing was said.
For a sleeping moment
I had my arm around you
and my face in your hair,
breathing memories of the passion we knew.
I try to focus on small things,
like how your skin gives way
to my pressing lips
or, how the Earth would sway
with our meeting hips.
Remembering the hunger
I would feel from your eyes
Lamenting these nights
while the passion subsides
My greatest flame
and only goddess,
how cruel
              slow
                     fate
has constantly fought us
Yet, never will I yield
and always shall I fight
to claim the dreams we've wanted,
to persevere through this night.
4/10/15 ~ 6.23a

Set up to fail
without even a thought, or
consideration of what makes me who I am:
The honesty I've fought for
Being true to myself
and not forced to lie
to please anyone else.
I'd honestly rather die
than go back to that hell.
Fake people with fake compliments
and never knowing the truth
I learned to shut my mouth
because it was better for you.

3/25/15 ~ 1:48p

Loving the way
you squirm and try to get away
Hungry for my mouth
devouring you from the inside out
Never missing a delicious drop
Teasing and abusing your sensitive spot
Needing your desire;
willing this fire to never stop
For as long as I live, you will be my queen
I will do anything to remain your dream.
080113 ~ 8.24a

I love to wish
that you were mine alone
No work to enslave
just us and home
wherever that might be
Roaming the countryside,
in the mountains or at sea
Free to live without constraints
comfort within whatever remains
Hopefully, we'll get there
without being too old
finding our paradise
never too hot or too cold
Just the perfect degrees
to keep you undressed
while I'm between your knees
and no neighbors to bother
with your pleasured screams

081613 ~ 2.43p

Here lies
a romanticized dream
Cut down and faded
So far from what I created
A special place just for love
Now tainted with verbalized shoves
All the time spent
building us up
Just look at us now
More arguments than ****
So much negativity
Cutting me down
Watching as the prayers
Sink away and drown
It's a shame that simply
by being ourselves
Creates feelings so awful
We live in a hell
Can't be too honest
Can't reveal it all
Keep **** to ourselves
Count bruises when we fall
Waiting for the day
We throw it all up and say,
"We gave it our best.
Finally it's time
for our eternal rest."
We stop fighting and screaming
In peace we find meaning
That a week can go by
without heartache and fights.

092313 ~ 10.35a

Come to me, my sweet beauty
Wrapped in my arms,
prey to my charms
Head on my chest
is where you feel best
The smell of your hair
is comfort you're there
A kiss on your head
You're mine till we're dead
My heart will remain
forever bound to your name
These hours of ours
shall never sour
Yet the night is swift
in taking my lovely Gift
Now and forever I know I'll see you soon
My darling Night, Stars and Moon.

090513 ~ 10.22a

Seeing the beauty of a sunrise
in your gorgeous sleepy eyes
I want you more than I ever realized
Touching you deeply
intensely and keeping
you all to myself.
Life without you
would surely be hell.

070813 ~6.53a

You create such beautiful dreams
you tear me open and kiss the seams
My heart exposed for all to see
It's a beautiful vulnerability
because my goddess is with me
Nothing compares to how I feel
since our love became tangibly real
All of my dreams and hopes and desires
became an effigy when you lit me on fire
Burning for you and all that you are
I feel like a phoenix, seen from afar
Reliving life in honor of you
Surviving a wildfire, life begins anew
Glowing with life and desire to live
You sustain my life with the love you give.

070513 ~ 10.10a

Sweet sensuality
my lover is queen
A heaven within her
a fallen angel redeemed
Addictive sweet nectar
passionately exposed
A view conquering sunsets
on her back she lay posed
Mouth watering for a taste
hands dying for a touch
Reining back haste
because I want her so much

The rest of my life
dedicated to my goddess
Hell has been quenched
in deference to her hotness
Tonight, I take my fill
and **** my little girl
(as though against her will)
and rock her ***** world

070313 ~ 10.49a

This morning when I woke
I didn't wanna let you go
my hands cried for your skin
My eyes soaked up your view
Gentle caress
An undisturbed slumber
settling back in to sleep with you

070113 ~ 5.4p

There's more to life than work and heat
like tasting the way our lips softly meet
Desire rising like summer degrees
Can't wait to be between your knees
Patient and focused within a heat wave
Knowing you are all that I could possibly crave
Tasting your lips briefly, sweet yesterday
Driving me crazy to have my way
But I wait for cooler temps in store
It won't be long, just a few days more
God, I ******* love you like I've never dreamed
I feel like a fallen angel, finally redeemed.

070213 ~9.21a

Always wanting
your sweet caress
Like a little kid
stealing under your dress
Fascinated and hungry, still
There'll never be a time
when I've had my fill
You're all I want
and I always want you
Every way I can imagine
Is everything I want to do

081213 ~ 10.18a

E. E. Cummings (1894 - 1962)

my love
thy hair is one kingdom
the king whereof is darkness
thy forehead is a flight of flowers

thy head is a quick forest
filled with sleeping birds
thy ******* are swarms of white bees
upon the bough of thy body
thy body to me is April
in whose armpits is the approach of spring

thy thighs are white horses yoked to a chariot
of kings
they are the striking of a good minstrel
between them is always a pleasant song

my love
thy head is a casket
of the cool jewel of thy mind
the hair of thy head is one warrior
innocent of defeat
thy hair upon thy shoulders is an army
with victory and with trumpets

thy legs are the trees of dreaming
whose fruit is the very eatage of forgetfulness

thy lips are satraps in scarlet
in whose kiss is the combinings of kings
thy wrists
are holy
which are the keepers of the keys of thy blood
thy feet upon thy ankles are flowers in vases
of silver

in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes

thy eyes are the betrayal
of bells comprehended through incense

E. E. Cummings (1894 - 1962)

Lost in songs of love and loss
reminding me of all I own
A love that's mine until the end of time
A heart held open so all is known
I cherish this hope that's placed in us
a faith in love and all I trust
I love the way you love me too
I believe there's nothing we can't get through

010614 ~ 8.17a

I've longed for you
for so many years
so many smiles
so many tears.
It's hard to believe
that when I go home
in the early eve
I won't be alone
I'll have you with me.

Cherishing these moments
like a dream come true
savoring every second
knowing we'll make it through
Beyond the struggles
of personality types
Learning to slow down
when we once would fight

Declaring to the world
that you are my Queen
no matter the reality
you're always my dream
Staring at your face
and touching your cheek
Here in this place
our love is so sweet

Never again,
my flower,
will I want another.
You're the petals, I'm the stem;
I support and you cover.
My strength and your beauty.
Protecting you and our love:
my dedication and duty
while the stars are above.

I love you...
as I was destined to.

031615~9.19a

I reminisce on memories
of before we ever touched
Cherishing what had yet to happen
Already missing you so much
                          -Tue
Digital communication
and lifelines of long distance
shaped our love's acclimation
to suffer with our persistence
                          -Wed
A decade passed...
and then another half
just faded away
without seeing your face.
What a ******* waste.
                          -Thu
But now we have forever
because whereever
is now in my arms
And no matter how hard I love you
You still soften to my charms
                          -Fri 13, March 2015

I feel like we finally started seeing each other
last night when our hands were together
your words were soft
mine, understanding
working toward a life of forever
Who knew love could be this hard?
Back in the 90's
when the net was young
words were our life
like your name on my tongue
We grew closer and intimate
without the feeling of skin
We opened our hearts wide
and accepted the other within
As the years flew by
and distance reigned
life drove us apart
as though fate were feigned
But, together at last
through a fateful verse
I reached out and you answered
dispelling our curse
Now, a few years later
we fight hardest for our love
learning to embrace
when our instincts are to shove
I know we'll make it together
My faith is greater than the Pope's
We have the rest of our lives together
sharing passions & play, hearts & hopes
Symbolizing my commitment and desire
I've given you the hardest stone
You gave me in return
your heart and body to own

030415 ~ 12p

I want to be the one who's strong
the one to hold the sun
to keep the days so long
I want to be your Summer warmth
to take the Winter chill away
I want to be the light
to give form and beauty to your day
I want to be your Spring
even though you love the Fall
because we're so deep in Winter
cold and darkness covers all
022615 ~ 10a

Loving the way we intertwine
our hearts and limbs and minds
Lying together, hearts beating as one;
so easy to feel that forever's begun
I'll never leave without taking you, too
Without my goddess,
there's no reason to go through
another lovely sunrise
not reflected in your eyes.

082713 ~ 8.34a

Reaching out,
you're reaching down
An extended hand
as I slowly drown.
Just in time
-I was slipping away
Numb from the conflict
yet, here to stay.
Forever devoted
to what we're building
But, my heart is warfare
and used to shielding
Used to fighting
or running away
Trying to live
to love another day
But, with you
I'm up in arms
caught off-guard
with no alarms
It's finding a way
to buffer our space
Learning what to say
to keep peace in our place
But you don't want peace
You just need to express
to just let it all out
no matter the mess.
So we continue the war
of express and retreat
back to the therapist
in brutal defeat.

022515 ~ 10.11a

Hesitantly
I try to heal
Knowing nothing has changed
in the way we feel
But we woke up softer
on Saturday morn
and a slow caress
became delicious ****
Fingers interlaced
A gentle morning moan
Waking with your taste,
it's your pleasure that I own
And one was not enough
because, baby, it's been too long
Muffled through pillows & sheets,
I can hear your ecstatic song.
022315 ~ 9.16a

What I feel is so confusing and so resentful,
resting like gritty stones in my stomach
Like a force-fed fowl fighting to smile
I swallowed down too much, too whole
Trying too hard to have a great time
Trying too hard to not agitate
Teeth clenched,
eyes not seeing the sights we flew around the world to see
I'm dragging you around
You're dragging me down
You want to relax
I want to explore
You just wanna go home
I never want to see that door
ever again.
I'm making myself miserable
Growing numb from the ache
I'm fighting so hard
because our lives are at stake
like a witch hunt in Salem
I feel the fires all around
But this burning doesn't feel like it used to
when we wrote so romantically to each other so long ago.

022015 ~ 12.42p

Life is hard and work is long
So many things to come between us
Misunderstandings and different ways to live
Disagreements on when to take and when to give,
When to fight and when to yield
Sometimes we're a sword when the other needs a shield
But learning and forgiving is how we make it through
Even when the romance seems to have fallen, too
You will always be my lover, always keeping me alive
I will always be here for you,
Hungry for the times
When things are peaceful
And you're in my arms.

101513 ~ 9.53a

I will remain
yours
until time collapses
Your beauty within my mind
firing the synapses
Everything I desire
burning within your eyes
Everything I crave
pillowed beneath your thighs
Mouth watering,
even as I type,
your naughty flesh burned
deep beneath my eyes
Never will I want
without your flavor on my tongue
And never shall I breathe
without your love in my lungs.
You define life and pleasure until I die
My greatest wish answered:
that you be by my side.

111813 ~ 1.39p

Patiently waiting
for you in my arms
Distance is fading
with morning alarms
Hands wrapped tightly
pulling you closer in
I've longed for you nightly
Feeling such hunger as I did back then
You'll always be my goddess
Always the one I adore
To me, you're **** and the hottest
I'm counting the hours til you walk through our door

122713 ~ 7.15a

I imagine us
walking in fields
as green as my bowl
hand in hand
as we grow old
Yet, you're never older
just held longer in my arms

There's flowing water
in a creek nearby
the rushing sounds
creating beautiful noise
You lead us there
to the pebbled shore
Our bare feet on cool stones
fingers interlaced to feel you more
The water, invigoratingly cold
You subtly
pull me
deeper in
I am mesmerized within your eyes

I lean for a kiss
and sink under with you

I'm drowning in your love:
my desire is an anchor
I cling to
like life
It is not languor
but steadfastness
which holds me as I sink
These depths are everything
I need you around me
like rushing water
You are sustenance,
a need,
like no other.

020514 ~ 10.58a

Never again
without your breath
to infuse your love
into everything left
I gave so much
that belonged to you
Anything I could do
to just get through
I was starving
without your touch
Hardened
by hurting too much
Too young to to know
what I really had
in a Goddess that gave
to everything we made

Finally, you're mine
and you'll always be
until the end of time
I'll keep you with me

Even when my breath fades,
my love will evolve to another shade
Drifting & searching
through sunsets and dawns
to lie within your eternal arms

022514 ~ 11a

Longing for you
in the late mornings
Trapped in formality
behind Formica and a paycheck

I just want you
within my arms
when I want you

I don't wanna wait
when the desire comes
to kiss your face
and hold you tight
to spend the day
pretending it's night

No other arms
will ever feel right

031214 ~ 7.05a

My heart eternally raptured
by the suns setting in your eyes
the darkness that is our love
enveloping our painful lives
A midnight dance
serenaded by crickets
the soft glow of the filtered moon
lighting the ceiling of our
****** ballroom
Like the beast to his beauty
I spin you around in broken cadence
My arm around your waist will never release
lost within our poetic conveyance

031914~11.08a

My heart weighs so heavy
pulling my neck to the ground
struggling to breathe
too cloudy to see
All I need
is to just lie down
Wanting to puke these feelings out
wanting to live without the doubt
of when I'll offend and when you'll shout
(by that I mean speaking hard & loud)
It's so odd that I'm to blame
for wanting to act and be treated the same

Either I'm ******* crazy
and losing my mind
or this is emotional abuse.

093014 ~ 12.49p

I love being naked
walking around free in my home,
shuttered
from the world and their judgements
their raised eyebrows and side glances

I love being naked
because it feels like my heart
although my heart bleeds
like a motorcycle wreck
A long red line down the highway
leading to what's left

I love being naked
because there's nothing left to hide
It's me, in all my glory,
forcing myself to accept who I am
who I've been and who I might become

I love being naked
but I'm having a hard time
keeping my heart in a safe place
It keeps falling out
Like us
Getting pieces of asphalt and glass and grime
lodged in tiny bleeding cavities
screaming
over every little move made

I love being naked
but I look insane wearing nothing but tears

I love being naked
but I don't feel safe
when you're holding blades
in your eyes and lips

I love being naked
I have so many scars to bare
You can see them across my chest
down my arms
even in my eyes and in the corners of my mouth
Most are real; All are emotional

I love being naked
when she is naked with me
because nothing else even exists in my head
Only the drive to consume and resume
what we've always hungered for
But now there's so much shame
So much blame
So much negativity and cold rain

I love being naked
but I have to learn to protect myself.

I love being naked
because my voice has nowhere to hide
No bandana to pull up, no hood to pull down
Just free to be myself with me
No shame, no blame
No ******* confusing games
Just life -- no hype
Just a naked guy.

021915 ~ 6.55a