So how can this make anything easier
Under country night sky’s brightly lit
Digital fire burns through the skin
And all that’s left is hollow bones, empty soul
Found a way to casually converse this illusion
Hoping for a place to make it through the night
Dance away, fall into a rustic hurricane
Never able to proceed, much obliged company
Shell of ourselves as I ache for this bar room fix
Its easy when the clouds have broken from the wind
These meager minds keep sleep a luxury
How do we move through these chemical days?
Keep a promise, keep the shadows at bay
Wash the courtyard, clean the masquerade
As these trucks pull up for blue collar hands
Those drinks need pouring, those heads need care
Shell of ourselves as I ache for this bar room fix
Its easy when the clouds have broken from the wind
Its easy when the distance between settles in
And when the dreary mornings speak uncertainty
Ready fuels and coffee made to play
All for not, the sun still shines away
Speculation masks an exchange for another day

You say I don't try,
Well how could I try if I'm not even in the state of mind to breathe?
How could I try if my head is in the wrong space,
The space where nothingness prevails and I'm on a single track hurtling towards self-destruction?
How could I try if I'm so busy attempting to stay alive?
How could I try if all I ever feel is dead?
My emotions and thoughts swirl around so violently that it's like a hurricane in my head and it's all I can ever do to stay afloat.
It's all I can ever do just to wake up in the morning and go on another day.

But I can't tell you that.
If I told you that, you'd ask me why,
As if I need a reason that suits you.
As if all the therapy in the world could help and as if there's anything you could do to fix it when you know **** well that you can't.
As if it's just a simple little fix and pills will cure me,

But I can't tell you that.

I can't help but wonder
When toddlers trip and blunder
How we managed to ever survive

In their noggins the make
Of the brave Sir Francis Drake
The rest, accidental suicide.

As I sit here
And think
God, it seems like it's all I do
Maybe I need a break

But then me
My inner self
She scolds me
Telling me no

And so I continue
Wherever I may be
To think
Whether the thoughts be good or bad

I hate this
This awful feeling
Overwhelmed
That's what I am

Maybe I should destroy her
My inner self, of course
As long as it takes this
This cursed pain away

Playing politics with my life.
Some family say I am just like Dad, and that they love that. Same face, voice, and humor.
Some family says I am nothing like him, and that he is an evil *******, manipulative.
Some say I am going to wind up in jail and that I don't love anybody.
Some say I am kindhearted and loving.
Someone is lying. Everyone is lying.
I don't trust anybody. Least of all me.