Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Dec 2019 · 504
The Choices of Life
Reese Dec 2019
One life
Two life
Three life
Four

I thought I knew
I plan and pursure
But when its almost here
The finish line falls
And is no where near

My college ends my program
Now what do I do?
Do I start elsewhere
Or end my pursuit?

The second choice of 42 thousand
After talking with them its up to 84
But what about life and living there?
Well now its 115 and my hope fades away

That cant be impossible
There must be a way
But after some thoughts
I realize the cost

Maybe elsewhere,
Perhaps more near?
Well thosell cost less
But wont be the same.

Do I drop the thought?
Do I end it here?
Perhaps theres no need
Perhaps theres a way


I think and I think
More and more
About just what to do
Because we are poor

We arent poor in love or happiness
Thats what family and antidepressants are for
We arent poor in money either
But once experienced
Its hard to change

We arent rich
But we arent poor
So why is money
Still the deciding factor?

School,
College,
University
What ever you call it, its all the same
They just want your money
And to boost their fame
At what expense
What do you have to pay?
For a modest job you probably wont like
Only the 1 in 3 chance of taking your life
Perhaps not perhaps youll win the fight
That 1 in 3 college students fight.
Well if you win and if you fight
Now comes the problem of paying for life
The debt it gives is so substantial
That they lie and say its just circumstantial

Perhaps their right
Perhaps thats the way
Just dont go
And regret it for life.
But maybe not
Maybe youll make it
And one day become famous
And be adored both wide and far
Just to be pushed further inside
Where only you will see
The pain and agony
Put on by society

That is until one day
They wake up and find
How you truely felt on the inside

You had it all
So much to live for
And no reason to die
But now your hanging there
Like Robin Williams who never said
Good Bye
This explores the different avenues life can take but primarily focuses on the one for college.
Jul 2019 · 1.3k
I don't know
Reese Jul 2019
You know I feel like ****
Not complete **** just ****
I also know it's my fault
Slowing down on my meds
Not stopping
Just taking less than perscribed
I do it to stay focused
It's either Focused and depressed
Or happy and all over the place
People like me more focused
I'm less annoying
I'm more bearable
But more depressed
Luckily
Sadly
Thankfully
They can't see that part
It's this or Happy
But then I can't focus
I get bad grades
I annoy and **** people off
People don't like me
The only person who does is me
But why
Why do the drugs have to be 1 or the other
They cancel each other out
So it's focused or depressed
Or a little of both
I feel like I should be more focused during Lancers [marching band]
But then I'm more depressed
And while I feel like ****
I also feel that
I Deserve It
I am a better person while depressed
I can help those in the same situation better
I can help others more
If I'm happy
It is Not fair
I feel like a failure to those I've told about my mental health
I told them I'm depressed but then I'm not
Am I a liar?
Am I a failure?
...
Well that one's easy of course
I'm a failure either way.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy I feel like a liar
When I'm happy
....
I feel like a liar
A ******* discrase
Who am I to say I have depression when I'm happy?
It's not fair
What about all those who don't feel the way I do with the same past
When They are on drugs
What if they can't get those drugs?
How's that ******* fair?
How?

I want to live
But if I live, I hurt
If I hurt do I deserve to live?
They only care for you when you say your going to **** yourself
What about if you aren't there Yet
At THAT moment
Then what are you?
Invisible....

And why are there so many of us so ******* depressed?
Just stop it please
Give me the pain of everyone and let me suffer by not killing myself
But suffering with it while alive
To eliminate everyones depression
It NEEDS TO END...
Please
Just stop

But not for me
For everyone else

When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
When I'm happy I feel like a liar.
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...

..


..
­
..


.
what do I do
Nov 2018 · 228
Life
Reese Nov 2018
Its so full of everything we can imagine
Including what we can't

There is so much good in the world
And in so many forms
Charity, feelings, relationships
Happiness, love, empathy
Donations of all
Money, food, clothing,
and maybe the most important time
Plus so many more
People are capable of good in so many ways and things
We help those in need
we give others a hand when they're down on luck, money or just hope
We can heal almost anything that happens
And the best part
Good breeds more good and makes others want to do mkre good


But with the good the bad closly follows

The world is filled with just as much bad
And in so many ways
All forms of violence
Gun, verbal, physical,
War and killings with genocide and
Unethic weapons of mass destruction
Government
Corrupt people and government
Pain Physical and mental
Money and greed
People are capable of so much evil and bad
We **** those just like ourselves
We steal and hurt and cheat
We take advantage of the ill or incapable
We destroy our own world and lives
And the worst part all the evil and bad just breed more evil vengeance breeds more vengeance.

But in the end what makes me happy will make another angry
Theres no way to have the good without the bad or the bad without the good
We cant change that fact no matter how hard we want and try
So we will remain sad in the sad moments and happy during the happy
World peace may be impossible but that doesnt mean happiness is too
So when someone helps you, thank them and enjoy that moment
And when a friend dies cry, say goodbye and hate that loss
But when it all stops and nothing is going on sit there and enjoy the peace because yes you arnt having the best day of your life but at least its not the worst day either.


Life is full of things we understand and can imagine thanks to science like engines and rockets,
*I lost the rest of the poem sorry but I think this will remain unfinished due to its length*
Nov 2018 · 204
1-800-273-8255
Reese Nov 2018
Rest, Sleep, Excersice
Drugs, Pills, Therapy
A chemical imbalence in the brain
My will lost
Do others really understand
We don't care
I know people will be sad
I know my family cares
I know they will miss me
But what about others

Others could care less
A week later their interest is lost
They stop remembering
They didn't know you
Maybe they did
But they dont care

BUT I DO!

What will crumble
What will die
What will stop
Who will be hurt
Who will care
Does anyone really care
Because if they live
What does it matter if I..

I want someone to truely care
Not because I'm ****** up in the head
But because I exist

No matter what you own
How much money you have
Who you're married to
Or dating
What you drive
Who you're related to
What you do

It doesnt change the fact that I'm

I'm not suicidal
I just dont care anymore
I just wish the whole world could just disappear
And I wish to my hearts disire
That everything and everyone could freeze
That time would stop
Except for me
So I could live my life without lives pressure
No appointments
No expectations
No laws or rules
No worry about
What people are thinking of you

I could sit alone with no hastle
or rush or time restraints
With my thoughts of them and me
And what life could be

But sooner or time will resume
I just wish I could control when

Most like me want the same
But choose and less sleep
Not one they can resume
Because stopping time is impossible
I guess so is gaining back my will to live

I know others are worse
And you stab me in the darkest of nights
But all I want is someone to listen
You attack me when I can sleep
Whether its at night or on a bridge
All I want is for you to stop but then I feel empty
And what's the use of that
At least when I'm depressed I feel pain
And sorrow but in day to day life
All it is is fake smiles and lies
That all I am is tired
Because with depression and fatigue
All you want is the same thing
Sleep
I just wish for the day I say I'm tired
You'll say no your not
Lets talk
I cry in pain when you walk away
But understand you dont understand
Many wonder why I'm always so sad but
The truth is I'm not
I do get little sleep but that doesnt effect me anymore
I have to stand there smileing looking down acting
Tired as I'm truely just hiding the tears
You say oh okay and walk away
Its happened a million times
Each time it rips off 1 piece of what I'm hanging onto
But I only started with 100
1,000,000 to 100 is a huge difference
Yes now all they do is rip a piece of nothing but they take it anyways
Because thats what people do
They take and take and take and take and take and take and take
Until you have nothing but then they'll still continue
To destroy you and why
Because

Because is all you'll get from them
There's NOT A ******* REASON
I have asked
I have asked a tormentor before
Why?
He sat there looked down and couldnt come up with
A SIGNLE ******* THING
Silence is the answer
So what is the reason
I don't know

But what IS the reason
Fathers leave their own children
Other humans attack other humans physically, verbally and especially mentally
People steal money a family in need truely needs
People break into peoples houses
People attempt suicide
People live
Live

Whats the reason
People die
People bully or harass
People expect A ****** MUSICIAN TO KNOW WHAT THE GOSH FORSAKEN NAME OF A ******* GENERAL OF SOME STUPID WAR THAT HAPPENED 200, 300 YEARS AGO

There's flaws in mankind
Some accept them
Some play neglegence
Some try to fix them

But in Acceptance theres many ways to accept mankind is mankind
Accepting it for what it is
Accepting it and moving on
Accepting it and providing input
Or help
Accepting it in death
After all thats why we all came here isnt it?
To die.
Nov 2018 · 357
Why
Reese Nov 2018
Why
Why
I should be happy
I think
They always say Theres so much to live for
I know
At least I think I do
But I still want it all to end
I should be happy
But I'm not
I mean sometimes I am
But not now not at night
Not in my head or my thoughts
Why cant others see it
I just want to disappear
Those who bully I hate them
But maybe.

I hate myself
I dont
But
I do
I dont know anymore
I say I'm fine
But others dont ask
So why answer they dont care
I constantly think
How much better the world and others would be without me
But at least I know that I might be a good thing
I mean thats what I have to say to myself each night
Maybe this world just isnt the right one for me.

God wouldnt approve and thats probably the thing that keeps me alive
I just want to see the world without me
But without me I cant see the world
Why is life such a terrible thing
Filled with terrible things and terrible corrupt people
Why do the dumbest things become popular
But why do I feel
Nothing
I dont feel anything about modern culture
Others watch
Others laugh
Others gain entertainment
I watch
I think
Why is this funny
But others are laughing
So laugh a little
Force a smile
Say something they cant know
Because if you dont do anything they will feel awkward
But my forced laugh, smile, and comment make them feel awkward too
Nothing I do will make anyone else happy

I may do the right thing
I may do a funny thing
Others watch me
They ignore
Someone else does the same or less
People cheer or laugh or enjoy it
Them feeling happy is good
But my lack of ability for something must mean something
I dont need to be here
I have hurt so many unintentionally
By doing what I thought was right
Maybe my right is just wrong
Maybe I'm just wrong
Wrong for this world
I dont know

But shouldn't I be happy I did amazing things today
I play music and march and do things I enjoy
But afterwards when all is done
All is packed up and quiet
All I feel is that I should and cant belong
So why try
Why do Anything
Who the duck cares
Clearly no one
Just why
Why
I don't know anymore
Just
Why
Nov 2018 · 212
Darkness
Reese Nov 2018
Why is it in our darkest
Of times
We ask why?

Yet in the light we don't?

Is it enlightenment
Or ignorance

In the light we smile
Enjoy the moment
Embrace the happiness
And relize in the moment its the light that matters
Therefore are enlightened that that light is why

Or is it that we choose to be happy
Enjoy the moment
And Embrace the happiness while its alive
And ignoring the dark
Therefore having ignorance towards the idea of why.


But whats in the dark that makes us ask why?

Maybe enlightenment
Maybe ignorance

We relize there might be a bigger idea or meaning
Strive for knowledge
And are enlightened by the thought of why

Or maybe we ignore the happy moments
Relize its only temporary
That in the moment only matters in the moment and after its useless
Therefore choose ignorance.

— The End —