Lostling

Lostling 10h

Everything...
Is temporary.
And I alone carry this burden in which
No one—NO ONE
Can understand.

They don’t know!
That while they laugh
I cling to every note, keeping them like fireflies in a jar,
For looms the morn where darkness fills my ears
And their faces run like chalk in the rain

They don’t know
How actions feel brittle like seashells—
Their impacts; meaningless.
Their tomorrows, as far as the moon
For the future they create
I will not be there for it

They don’t know
What life beyond the train is like
But I do—raised in the fields blurring past
As I stare out the window knowing that
Soon I will no longer journey with them
Oh how even joy cuts sharp
when you know it won't last.

They don’t know
How I rehearse my farewell

They don’t know
They don’t know
They don’t know
And I can’t tell them

The guilt when someone who looks up to you says they’re looking forward to working with you in the same department when you know you won’t be there for it. The worst part? I can’t tell anyone.

#leaving #goodbye

Lostling 3d

New friends

I treat new friends
Like one night stands
Convince myself that they,
Like so many others,
Will leave.

Give them a glimpse
Of who I am--
Pre planned parts of my heart.
Never too much,
Never close enough
For them to take root and stay.

I take the thrill
Of someone new;
Their taste sparks on my tongue
Until I throw it all away
When the morning comes

I treat new friends
Like one night stands
And leave before they do

I'm a very social person and have met a lot of people whom I could have been close to had I not run.

#friends #relationship #running #leaving #scared #hurt

Lostling 4d

What is the meaning of life?

From young, we play--
Tiny hands, big dreams

Then they hand us books,
And say, study hard.
Why?
So we can work in the future.

Why work? To enjoy.
Then work more
To enjoy a little more.

A loop,
Endless and spinning

So I say good riddance!
I denounce this life and laugh in its face.
It has no meaning.
Not unless you give it one.

The world can give you a hundred reasons.
But none of them are yours
Write your own answer.

Life is a tool. What will you do with it?

#life #philosophy #questions #answer #purpose #meaning #answets

Lostling 5d

Dreams

When I sleep,
I no longer dream.
If I do dream,
It fades with the rising sun.
Unless it's one
Where you lay in my arms
Sleeping, because I was too late.

Who could forget such a dream?

I had another nightmare last night. I wish they'd stop.

#dream #nightmare #remember #death #loss #grieving

Lostling Jun 16

A Poem For My Father

Birds fly
So do I--
Lifted by your hands.
Paper *****,
Wrestled falls,
Laughter with no end.

Scars earned,
Lessons learned,
Gearing me for life.
Always here,
Support clear,
Pillar of my life.

He gives so much it feels like I'll never be able to repay him. One day when I get a stable job, I wanna get him a motorbike =))

Happy fathers day!
(Yes I am a say late T.T)

#fathers #day #love

Lostling Jun 14

Those are my socks

"Be flexible, the flexible ones are those who survive."

No.
We are the ones who get taken advantage of.
They see us bend once--
Heart stretching, limbs folding backwards--
We don't break.
Instead we always fix ourselves
A smile stretched across our faces.

And so they pull
Push
Twist
Yank
All because we're flexible
All because we can handle it

My sibling took my socks while we were packing for our trip, leaving me with less socks than needed. I found them and took them back. Then we got into a fight. Our mom told us that "flexible people are the ones who survive in the world."
Maybe she doesn't know what it's like to always give in, to be a pushover. Anyways so now I'm wearing shoes with no socks about to hike up a mountain cause I'm too ****** to unpack my luggage.
(I can reuse so I have enough, but she took what mine and I feel like no one cares)

#vent #frustration #socks #flexible #pushover

Lostling Jun 8

Too Much

Ping
4 unread messages from contact: Cookie Monster

Ping ping
173 unread messages from group chat: cat gang

Ping ping ping ping
392 unread messages from group chat: secret society

I'm drowning
In the words
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch
Shutting down...

Mute chats?
Yes
Mark all as read?
Yes

Click

If I leave people on read, this is why.

#overwhelmed #messages #texts #shutdown