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For the gardener
Tends to his roses
He waters them
At the day's dawn
They budded
Beneath his fingers
But only bloomed
At the touch of the fawn
It's not intentional, and I know they never mean to make me feel unwanted
But insecurities and lack of self worth does things
Her laughter and smile still taunts me
So warm and bright
I still hear her footsteps, wanting to flee
Trying to flee, into the broad of daylight.

I sometimes think i see her, still there
I can’t tell if it’s a reflection with red
Because if i glare,
I remember that i’m staring at imperfection with dread.

“It’s alright, i’ll come back soon”
She would say with a warm smile.
I don’t believe her, it was already June
Come back, it has been a while.

“You’ll see me, but i can’t promise i will be okay.”
Those were her promises that she made before going towards the light
I pray and pray
But she didn’t give a sign of life.

Pure red, like a healthy child has
It flows with a breath and nutrients
But with a flash
Her flow breaks out of its placement
Lostling Jul 31
Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't stop crying
Can't breathe
Can't live
Can't do dying
Can't write
Can't read
Can't scream aloud
Can't choose
Can't break
Can't shut down
Can't fly
Can't fall
Can't let them know
Can't speak
Can't stay
But still can't go
I don't -ing know what to do anymore
Lostling Jul 24
Open up my skin
Cause I won’t open up my soul
And so I keep it all within
I’m kinda rotting, don’t you know?
I’ll make the body scream
Drown out the spirit’s cries
I’ve been killing all my dreams
Cause in the end they were just lies
Yay rap
Lostling Jul 23
It’s alright.
Everyone feels differently.
There is no shame
In what you feel.
Your heart, no matter how different
Is still perfect and beautiful.

It’s alright.
I still love you
And miss you
And know that I matter to you
Just in a different way

It’s alright.
These tears aren’t meant for you
Or anyone else.
Just for me
And the past that can never return

It’s alright.
I just wish I was too.
Don’t tell her
Lostling Jul 21
Some days you’re tired
And the silence no longer welcomes you
But burrows into your soul, sealing it in a straight jacket
Sometimes the world is too bright
And the darkness no longer brings comfort.
Yet darkness is the only way you can bear
To live in your skin.
Some nights music sounds like mourning
And quiet sobs, screams.
And it hurts.
It hurts so much
Down Day
I just want peace but I can’t have it
Lostling Jul 20
She’s pretty—
Sharp chin, long lashes
Smooth skin and bright eyes,
Shining with a darkness
Only the moon could have.

And I yearn to hold her,
To be held by her, and
Tell her how much I love her

Yet she pushes back,
Handing out her love like rations
When I am but a starving child

I will always be too much for her
And she will never be enough
Maybe our love languages just don't match or something
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