Don’t look
Please

There’s a reason I’m hiding
A reason for the mask
A reason for the sleeves

Inside is a mess
Of tangled lies and brittle truths
That I’ve stopped trying to understand

And somewhere in there
There’s a child; a puppet
Who just wants to solve the world’s pain

But can’t

So the child hides behind the personas created
Behind stores woven in fiction
Behind poems bled upon
Behind a name
that doesn’t
exist

Tight skin throbbing
Under sleeves long

Prickling hums
Growing red and warm

Sweat trickles
Lines start to ache

Nails making sure
They never fade

My head’s
Six feet
Underwater

I’m trying
Hard
Not to drown

Bubbles
Trailing
From my lips

You’re
The air
Keeping me alive

I can't solve anything

Not my life, or theirs
I can't bring back the missing

Can't hold them as they cry
Can't do anything right
Can't say the right things

Even if you say I do
Cause I know
I know you'll never look at me
The way you look at him

I'm
Just
Backup
The second best
Option

I'm

Falling apart and rotting away
Insecure, lost, with nowhere to stay
Nothing worth loving, an echo to ****
Endlessly crying on my window sill

The days of truth or dare
Sparked then faded
Into smoke

Daily
Turned to scarcely
And helplessly
I watched you flicker

Things were just getting better
You came back!
Then disappeared
All together

Now
I watch the suicide numbers
Rise
And fear that you’re one of them

I never wished you happy birthday
That Sunday
Like I promised I would
Did I?