Lostling

Lostling 1d

When my tears dry
And my sobs cease
Do not mistake it for me calming down.
I've simply realised that you cannot hear my screams
And will say everything but the words I need to hear

When my tears stop
And my sobs fall silent
Do not think I'm doing better.
It just means I've changed the locks
And will continue to break where your gaze won't wander

When my tears shatter
And my sobs lose breath
You will hear everything in that silence
For the ending will be laid out before you
In a casket that will echo my story

Just having a bad day. I'll be fine.

#tears #silence #understand #listening

Lostling Apr 28

28/4/2025

Some days I find myself reading through past messages, trying to remember how I felt back then.
A part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, if I’d reached out for help instead of gently closing every door, I wouldn’t be like this;
Chewing on paper clips for the taste of blood on my tongue instead of my fingers so my parents would stop complaining about the bite marks on my hands.
I think I’m just glad they never look beyond the jackets I wear 24/7 or the number of cat scratches I got recently or the ghost that paces around our house on sleepless nights.

...

. . .

Sighhhhhhhhh....

Lostling Apr 28

Streak Broken

It's funny how
It's easier to open my skin
Then to open my mouth
And ask for help

=/

#sh

Lostling Apr 22

Just leave

It's not that I want you gone
I appreciate you
I really do
But it's hard to believe you're sincere
When you're also scrolling through shorts at the same time

Got yelled at by seniors awhile ago. I couldn't keep myself together and ended up breaking down (again)
A friend comforted me, hugged me, told me it wasnt my fault. But she was on her phone the whole time.

#phones

Lostling Apr 22

Liar

The girl in the mirror
Is a liar
Even with the people she trusts
She lies
Even in the place she’s most bare
She lies
Even when its just us
She lies

And I’m too tired to figure out the truth
Or put anything I feel into words

#liar

Lostling Apr 21

Drafts II

There’s an incomplete poem
Sitting in my drafts
Titled “Maybe It’s not So Bad”
Last edited: 7 April.

I don’t think I’ll be finishing it any time soon
Or maybe never

Lostling Apr 21

Blood Thicker than Water

Water listens, acknowledging the pain
It washes and cleans the wounds lightly,
Soothes and calms,
Like a burbling brook to sit next to.

But blood…

Blood is thick and heavy.
It leaves a taste of copper in my mouth
Even after my head resurfaces and I can breathe again.
It stains and flows from cuts, tearing my stitches

As much as I love my parents, I’d rather go to my friends so I won’t get lectured and/or scolded

#blood #water #safety