"I will never leave you"






            "I heard that a thousand times"
"yet here I am alone"

I am the girl in the corner
The one you simply don’t see
Years of perfected camouflage
So you will never notice me

I don’t make any ripples
Wouldn’t dare step out of line
Nobody can hear my voice
I hope that they will sometime

I live in a world of fear
I’m not sure why I’m afraid
I have found inside my head
The place where nightmares are made

A place buried deep within
Filled full of darkness and dread
Breaching the edge of reason
And icy cold like the dead

Visions writhing and ghostly
Fleeting outside of my grasp
Yet returning to haunt me
I breathe pain in a silent gasp

I want to be comfortably numb
All the way down to my core
Not to feel all this heartache
Not to know hurt anymore

Pills and ***** can’t save me
Why can’t you hear when I scream
Desperate depressed and lost
In a land of broken dreams

I don't know whats in the steps that I take
The tears that I shed
The heavy breaths that I am taking

Nor do I know the direction
The pain in my heart
Is taking me

I don't know whats in the words that I hear
The scene that I see
The weight of the load that I feel

The sky's color
When it finds the place
It hopes to find

I don't know
What to feel, what to see,
What to hear and what to say

I don't know how to pronounce
Any of the words
In the language of love

And I don't know how much further
I can walk this path
Before I fall apart

i am awake at hours  
                                    I usually
                                                    spend
                                                               in dreams.

I wear a porcelain
mask. Hiding bruised and
bleeding skin.

On days when the
camouflage becomes too
wearisome I hide.

I let darkness back in
cloaking a desolate body
in cold, bitter solitude. 

I want to drop the mask,
let you see the the melancholy heart
underneath. I am lonely.

Have you ever wondered if this world is the actual
hell we live in and if we are being tested
by how well we deal?
We are living in a place where pain, suffering,
and then ultimately death are of everyday existence
I understand that perception is everything here
and this world is an illusion generated by our perception
I am not trying to be a downer but the more I live
in this world the more I see it as a nightmare
that some days I just want to wake up from

This is not coming from my religious beliefs and I am
not saying that I am not grateful for everything I do have
Compared to a lot of other people in this world I do not
have it so bad and I know this.  This is coming from
a thought process I have been trying to come to terms with

Is there a bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel?
Of course we all have different journey's to take to get us
to that tunnel but while we are here our paths do cross from
time to time and we all have some of the same pains
sufferings and even death to overcome

My point is this...
We are all living in this hell together
Let's get through this hell together
This thought has become a shining
Ray of light in this dark
Find some comfort in this
and
Perhaps there is hope for us all