They don't tell you
that after all
You are
A mirage.
A foolish
Beautiful
Cruel
Illusion
And nothing like you think you are

They said
Your eyes were pretty
And that you had a nice smile
Yet never once saw it
The paradox
Of worlds colliding
With raw and unapologetic ardour
Right before them.
Your eyes weren't pretty
And your smile was a flash of gums and cracked edges
I loved them
In a way
That made me fearless of the truth.

Once
We watched the sunrise
Our cold hands clasping each other
Like children asking for warmth

Sometimes
You end up in a candy shop
Asking forgiveness
For ever visiting the dentist.
If you let something destroy you
And hold on
Words stuck in-between your teeth
Until you feel
The inside of your mouth growing black
From all the things you didn't say
When you should have
Did you win?
When you gulp down poison for nothing
And nothing again
Who will remember your martyrdom?

I have this tune in my head
That grinning melancholy
Dangling its feet from rooftops
When it can't even fly
What is love if not insanity
But it should have wings still
To be so far up
And carefree as a blue jay

Today I am not carefree.
Today I worry about everything
About
Touching too much
Not getting to feel your touch at all
Saying things I shouldn't say
Saying them too early
With an awkward smile
And all the wrong words
Too serious and too sarcastic at the same time
So you will probably think I'm mean
When really
I'm scared out of my mind

My chest is a gaping cavity
and I fear
nobody wants to see it
So I will hide it away
And cover up with some spiky armour, tailormade
I don't travel without it
And if I feel naked enough
you just might get to feel it
Bruising up your outstretched hand

So here we are
I guess.
Oh how I love being a woman.

Let this poem be a joke
Filled with mischief and racoons
Giggles in the dark
Catching their breath like twin butterflies
Under the moon

As I lean my head on your shoulder
And whisper silly wisdoms
Into your ear
I almost believe myself
To be capable of
Something like nonchalance
But I never am.

Serenity is a wave reaching shore
In the moments I accept
That you are a secret
I will never solve completely
And that is alright.

With sea-sand between my teeth
I mumble your name
And lay it in the waves
Latch it onto water-drops
For another one to taste.

Mine is
Peace once again

Suddenly
It's spring again
And I love the way living
Doesn't feel like
A neverending surgery
On myself

You say I am not a project
Am not made of wood and metal
Held together by disappointment
And "Better next time"'s
With smiles splayed on my face
But winter in my heart

Suddenly
My feet are miniscule
They are tiny tiny things
And I know that's alright
After all
They are made to be held,
Are meant to walk tiny tiny steps
Right next you
They will keep up
Because you won't walk away.

"You are enough"
For me
Is the most beautiful confession I have ever received
It means my teeth can stay
It means you will stay
Even if I carefully scrape the smile of my face
Summer is on the way