loneliness is a weight in me I scratch my arm not caring about the mark...

my breath.... .... .... is slamming this loneliness against my rib-cage breaking the bones apart

to release my heart

a muscle that's been pounding far too long, it burns

fourteen years and it still pumps

I shut my eyes to the noise of shouting and my ear drums burst

fresh blood flows freely

I scream and-
only air leaves my lungs... .... ... I'm frozen in place

I'm on the floor helpless

She examines her room one last time the place she stayed in most of the day, was not her's it was just a room with her stuff that she hadn't cared for in a long time

her pain and emotions now gone

Is on fire! BURNING brightly with thoughts, ideas, emotions

                                                                         that are being thrown everywhere

the conference room...

                                                     is a mess

it's filled with white paper

                                     ink flows off the stained pages                                                                                                            

My Once Written Thoughts Chase ME!

I run away................... down the steps of abandon mines

of long forgotten trains holding all the dark, sticky, bad... stuff

                                                I don't want to touch!
                                                                                                                                                     I keep running to .... what?!

suddenly I'm in the forest.... again! that surrounds a large, ocean, vast and empty                                                                                                                                      
                                                                                                                            on the surface.

"I'm not going back in that steel walled cage! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!"

The ink grabbed her trying to consume her.

                                             She felt numb and cold.

                   She jumped

the ocean dragged her to the cage

it was only then                                                                                                                              

                                                     she remembered this was her mind
                                                                                                              weather or not the ink got her or she was locked in the ocean steel, walled, cage

                                          she being consumed by her thoughts, emotions there is

                               No Way Out!

she had nothing here, in this house.

Not a shelve, not a chair, not a window.... Not a care.

She could hear air going into her lungs and then leaving...

She scratched at the floor hopelessly.

The sound brought a moment of relief.

She scratched again & again & again!

Her body burned all over.

The tips of her finger nails were coated in her own blood.

Suddenly she was on her feet punching the drywall....but the wall didn't seem to end.

There was infinite amount of wall to punch.

More blood flowed freely from The Empty House

she collapsed hitting the floor with a thud

The Empty House's walls seemed to beat like a sore head

steadily, She Screamed

And then breathed

Fast, Slow & then Nothing....

time passes by, an hour wasted, an hour I never get back........wasted inside some kind of spiral of depression and fantasy.
I'll watch my life and feelings slip away to nothing as the music I once loved fills my ears with distorted sound that I once loved and sung along to.
it's steady beats hitting my ear drums over and over again but I'm not really listening I slip away into some alter ego character
and I watch infinitely as she enjoys her life as I go farther away from my own world, my brain, my home.
did I ever have one in the first place? a warm happy home No, no I didn't so I thought to create one. One with love and care... warmth that's all I want
but it got boring. So her ran head first into the storm and now she's taken over me.
and I go numb as I infinitely watch as she enjoys her life as I slip away. I'm a shell now not of who I used to be or even a shell of her I am just eyes watching inside and out. I shall sleep forever, lost in the valley of her world unable to let go of her of this mysterious girl who I can't throw away

I grasp at air fighting my anxiety I pray to myself that "I won't, I won't let this happen!"

all a while the voice in the back of my head is reminding me "That's not your choice, You can't run.... nobody can help you escape."

But I ignored the voice that felt sorry for me and continued to tell myself that YOU wouldn't come back and IF YOU did well... I-i..-I would just run away!

But  of course that didn't happen, bounded by my will to exist and my physical limitations I'm stuck here.

I finally aloud myself to be happy, you couldn't shove dumb **** down my throat, you couldn't slowly **** me day by day with your "I love you's" while you yelled at my tired mother, while you beat my tired mother!

You've driven me insane you've emotionally scared me.... leaving me bleeding for days. I keep clinging to this idea that I have power and can control this life o' mine but I can't I have no power