Layla Emory Holt

Layla Emory Holt Apr 2015

Sitting here

cold

praying that you'd come back
like they always do in the movies

everyday
you used to walk me to class
and now everyday
i pause and wait
to see if you've changed your mind

if you'll meet me here today
everyday
for five months
i have continued
to wait for you

"there will never be another girl like you"
were the last of the words you said to me

so then who is she
i know who she is
but why her
she will never be like me
even i can see that

seeing you with her
it makes my mind roar
and my heart weep
it makes my eyes crinkle
and my hands shake
it makes my breath stop
and knees weak

how am i supposed to do this
everyday
until i don't have to see you again
i know that eventually i will come back
on my knees
begging for forgiveness
for something i didn't even do
but i love you enough that i will take the blame
for the action that broke my heart

Layla Emory Holt Apr 2015

The story of us

Sometimes
I get really angry
and I think to myself
about how much you never told me
and I hate that it's always on my mind

I hate that when I see her
I only hate her
and I don't hate you too

I should
but I just can't
because when I'm around her
I am weak
and when I am around you
I am weak
and when you worked together
to bring me down
I had never been lower
and I had never before understood
why she would always call me
late at night
and cry
but right then
I wished I had someone
that I could call to talk me out
of the deep emotions i was feeling
someone
that I could call
late at night
and cry to

But I was helpless
and I was my own hero

But I had lost those people
to each other

And there is no deeper betrayal
than two-timing
and yet
I act every day like I don't care

And yet
everyone says I shouldn't care

But I think it would be worse
if I didn't care at all
because then wouldn't that mean
that I don't care about all of the other emotions
you make me feel?

The memories might not all break our fall
some of them may have broken us
but I would rather
have those bruises and scratches on my body
than be naive and dive right in

Apprehensive may not be ideal
but it is helpful

It takes so much in me to not doubt you
and believe that I'm the only one
and you may get annoyed by that
but when that's all I'm used to

being used
being disrespected
being lied to

what exactly do you expect?

I hope you don't get mad at me for this.

#love #anger #hurt #tough

Layla Emory Holt Apr 2015

*Love Story*

The first time we said "i love you"
was when we were fifteen
there have been many times that
we had to begin again
but I've known all along that you belong with me

After our sad beautiful tragic love affair
let's jump then fall into wonderland
because you're the only one I want to get lost with
I knew you were trouble but now it's
a state of grace

I saw sparks fly when I met you
and I was so enchanted
i couldn't wait for you to be mine
and I know all too well
the story of how everything has changed
and now I have found a place in this world
where I can be fearless

This love might be treacherous
but it will never go out of style
I waited so long saying "I wish you would"
and now my wildest dreams have come true

I know places where there is a lot of starlight
that we can call our holy ground
here we can stay stay stay
and never have a last kiss
you don't have to leave me haunted
and waiting for you and your white horse
I still think you're innocent
and I hope you speak now when necessary

Long live all these red emotions
and listening to our song together
which is of course how you get the girl

I will be yours until we're 22 and beyond
I'm so happy that we're out of the woods
and that *this is really happening

r.c.b.

#love #music #songs #taylor #swift

Apr 2015

Anonymous Anyone

Life of Leaving Home

Very much too soon,
More than 1,500 miles will separate us.

It wasn't until I was finally saying goodbye
that I was scared to see you leave-
Because I realized that I no longer can protect you,
help you,
serve you,
hold you.
But I only wish the best for you and your new adventures-
wherever they may lead.

Now I have to release you
From my arms
Into the arms of the rest of the world.

The rest of the world only looks scary when I imagine you lost in it.
It can be cruel, harsh, unforgiving...
But I believe you can make it yours.

Very much too soon,
More than 1,500 miles will separate us.

Remember that I'll always be here for you.

Be free.
It's what you've needed all along.

And most importantly, BE YOURSELF.
Yourself is who I grew up learning to love.

I can't believe my sister is growing up so fast, and leaving to start a new life. I'm worried for her, but I love her enough to have to let her go.
4.1.15

#goodbye

Layla Emory Holt Mar 2015

smile

You come running
looking stunning
as I see your face
my heart begins to race

Your lips form a smile
"why don't you stay a while?"
your eyes crease
your smile does not cease

I have seen so much in those eyes
confusion
happiness
amazement
lies

But right now
all I see
is a smile
I hope it stays for a while

#love #smile

Mar 2015

Anonymous Anyone

Purify

I tested the waters
Finding them satisfactory, I walked into the shower without reluctance
and stood, staring straight down at the drain, watching it all wash away.
Laughter, pain, remembrances, time spent
disappeared down that hole quicker than I would ever have imagined
or dreamed
or feared.
So as the water flowed over my open skin I didn’t even feel the pain
the stinging fire that burns for a few seconds, leaves, then returns
just like her.
I didn’t feel that stinging pain
I was already numb by then
just like I always am.
Then I noticed the water flowing down my face, it reminded me of tears
and how long it’s been since I’ve used them.
I was never really good at crying
my childhood robbed me of that
this simulation of tears is all I get.
Then, I realized
just like I do everyday
It’s a good thing she hates me too
like she always has
with so much love.
But it makes me stand in the shower for another forty-five minutes
as I scream silently
as loud as I can without opening my mouth.
How could you just give up?
Was I never enough?
I simply remained, wishing with all my might
that this shower would be my brief respite.
Please, just wash all of our memories away
I continued to plead
allthewhile knowing that it would be impossible for me
and that I’ll alway be here
helpless
for whenever you need me again

Layla Emory Holt Mar 2015

Industry vs. Inferiority

As I began school
I was a year behind
in age
in intelligence
in everything

but I was
determined
to make it
work

I refused
to let them
bring me down
and make me
feel like I was
less

now
nothing
can
stop
me

that
determination from
the beginning
has helped
me stay
ahead
of the
game

and brought me
here
where I am
today

Erik Erikson: Stage Theory (Stage Four of Eight)

#psychology #inferiority #industry