CAM - Hello Poetry

CAM Nov 2017

Somebody,
If you ever read this,
I miss you.
Every day.
All the time.
With no end in sight.
I miss you almost more than I can say,
almost more than I'll admit.
You're my best friend,
my soul,
my heart.
You're the reason I'm going strong.
You're who I think of,
with nothing to do,
and also who I think of,
in my day through and through.
I miss you more than the sun misses the moon,
only seeing you once in fleets of stars.

Dear Nobody,
I still wish you were here.
You're the reason I'm now living.
You're the voice in my head saying no.
Saying,
That idea's stupid.
Do it.
You're my deep down best friend.
You know me better than anyone.
You're the person these paragraphs are for.
All the time.
All the poems I write.
You're somewhere in my mind.
Still inspiring me.
To push the limits and
DO IT.
Push yourself.
And your own limits.
As well as the world.

This is almost poetic, I suppose.
Maybe I should stop that......or not.
One of you may be my somebody-nobody.
My person.
I guess you both are.
Opposites but the same
In my heart.
The ones who just...CLICK.

Maybe we'll never be romantic,
and I think that's fine.
But that doesn't mean I won't miss you.
Until we meet again,
long lost friends.
I'll be here.

Idk why I wrote this, but Somebody/nobody did not come from my mind, it's from a book, I just have a bit of a twist.

CAM Nov 2017

Barely Here

I barely feel happy anymore.
I just don’t feel it.
I don’t know why,
but it’s been going on for a while.
Most of the time, I don’t feel sad,
but I just don’t get happy all the time.

I’m mostly sad, my happy moods are too easily disrupted,
and they come not often enough at all.
I feel like I’ve changed too much from who I used to be, I can’t tell
If it’s because of my friends, my family, all the stupid heartbreaks,
Stress, or whatever. I can’t tell anymore.

It’s just all a part of my life.
It’s super frustrating because I don’t know what to get rid of
To have my life be happier because I don’t know yet
What will break me? I don’t know.

People keep having these problems all around me
And they say I’m the happy one
And I have all the joy,
And if I only knew how they felt….no.

I do. I know how you feel when you have depression and anxiety
I was raised in a divorced family with not one,
But two verbally abusive dads.
One mom who’s always away from home,
Working an hour away from right here.
One dad who doesn’t care.
One who cares too much sometimes and none the next day.
No parents who support my hobbies and what makes me happy.
No parents who are proud of me for my grades.

Three friends who help me when I’m in trouble,
And listen when I’m sad.
Three. TWO.

Two friends who are there when I need them.
Two friends who I send monologues and paragraphs.
Two people I trust.
Two. ONE.

One person,
I trust to not leave me,
To not break me,
To support me,
To not call me annoying,
To tell me the truth,
To tell me I’m doing great and I can do this.
One person who knows how my mind works.
One person, I trust with my mind,
My life,
My soul.
Three. Two. ONE.

They aren't here right now.
They're gone into the void where I can't see them.
Not clearly.
All I have are pictures,
Pictures of who my best friend is.
Pictures of who they were when I last saw them.
Pictures of the friend I love more than I love myself.
And the friend I miss most in the world.
But I wonder if they have any pictures of me.

CAM Nov 2017

Maybe? No.

Who are you, random person?
You're by my table in the morning.
By my friends and my reason.
Who are you?

You aren't supposed to be here.
I don't think you're new.
I've never seen you before today.
But you still seem to here, strewn.

Our first time talking was awkward.
Of course, it was, we just met.
We shook hands and just stood there.
You don't remember me, I'll bet.

But I saw you and something clicked.
You were almost familiar.

I looked at you and saw a shade of something.
Something that reminded me of me, I guess.

I'm never really used to being wrong.

But I knew something happened.
Even though it was nothing, it was.
It's weird how it feels like I know you.
But really I know nothing at all.

I feel like everything should rhyme by now,
I've been writing way too long for it not to.
But I still think my writing isn't perfect.
Because it isn't and neither am I.

I've never felt a feeling like I felt that day
It was weird, but I doubt it was love.
Maybe we are destined to be enemies
Or friends, I don't really know.

But something was there.
Even though it was nothing.
Maybe? No.

Idk but is happened and something made me want to write about it.

#maybe #random #awkward

CAM Oct 2017

Next Year...We'll See

When reading this title,
Did you think it was a close call?
A thought of suicide by rifle?
A day when I learned to fall?

This title explains my thoughts
Right now, at this moment.
I barely found myself, caught.
I'm less important than a floret.

You can't explain how you feel
When you fail at something
Which you thought you could do
When you think about it, it's not funny.

It's hard to try to tell you.
When I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
You're turning into part of my crew,
We're talking all the time during meals.

But still, it's hard to try.
But I won't soon be saying goodbye.
You're my friend, I love you too much.
But failing at this, it's rough.

I thought I could do it, I did.
I thought I was where happiness is.
I knew I'd be happy either way.
And this is hard to say.

But I'm tired of not being good enough.
And I love being just a friend.
Just being around you is a lot of fun.
More than any music I've ever made.

I'm really tired of being called crazy.
Of being strange because you don't like me back.
I'm fine with it, but they make it seem hazy.
And it feels like a hazardous attack.

I'm happy, just being near you,
But I can't deny it's weird.
You don't hate me and I like you.
I thought you would sneer.

This isn't what I'm used to,
But in hindsight, I like this more.
They say I should be more rude,
But I don't know what for.

CAM Oct 2017

Friend Zoned

She's really cute.
You talk about her the way I talk about you.
And you know it.
Can you tell that I've guessed?

I haven't decided to ask you much about her yet.
I think I know what you might answer.
Your face lights up when you talk to her.
Which happens all the time, I fear.

I still have yet to decide.
Would I rather see you happy?
Or see you be mine?
And then I remember you're still my friend first.

Yesterday to my friend, I said
You really just liked me as a friend.
I couldn't be more glad
Did you expect me to be overly sad?

You're an amazing person,
So sweet and kind
I really suppose I'm learning
You're the kind of person I need to find.

So I suppose I'm in the friend zone.
But it's not the worst way to go.
At least we're still friends.
And I hope that doesn't end.

In the end my respect for you,
Wins above it all
You're my friend and I appreciate you,
Through everything all and all.

Ah, this felt really good to write.

CAM Oct 2017

Where I'm From

I’m from monster cookies and peanut butter frosting,
From colorfully magic strawberry cake drawings,
I’m from vanilla and chlorine, smells so close when I roam.
And the dark nights in spring when the air smells like home.

I’m from B flats and D sharps,
And roads to get lost on.
I’m from dump 'til it looks good,
And falling into holes at dawn.

From the youngest Tsar's daughter,
A shaded umbrella and a bright floodlight.
Determining how dark or light the water,
Rather than things surely written at midnight.

I’m from hidden passages not quite to brag.
I’m from tennis and soccer to capture the flag.
From a long line of teachers,
Who sat in the bleachers, alone.

There’s a box in my closet,
like the ones written in stone.
Full of red lettered memories,
Of the me that’s now gone.

Wrote this for English a while ago and decided, why not?

#imdifferent

Oct 2017

anon

my best friend might be dead

i think my best friend
is dead

no joke
no lie
i think she has died

we haven't talked in
5 years
and i miss her like you miss
sleeping
after you've been up all day

like you miss seeing
while your eyes are closed

like you miss smiling
when you're sad out of your mind

i miss her like you miss
your best friend
who has gone

i miss her like
the other half

of me

I just needed to talk about this

#friend #bestfriend #gone #lost #alone #miss #missing