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16.6k · Feb 2018
CAM Feb 2018
God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.
I'm not perfect. But I'm not shy anymore either.
7.2k · Oct 2017
The Truth About Today
CAM Oct 2017
Today is one of those days that makes you feel just nauseous
Today is not a very good day to be so self-conscious
Today is one of those beatdown days
The days that make think you’re in a phase
Of life.

Today is like the day you find your crush kind of hates you.
Today is the day you’re almost starting to hate food.
Today is not the kind of day you just give up and faint
Into the arms of some unwilling, kindly saint.

You think today couldn’t be worse but just imagine how it could.
Actually never mind it’d be stranger if you would.
Today is one of those days you think is about to **** you.
But maybe that’s just because you aren’t seeing the whole view.

Today is one of those days that makes you just a little bit cautious.
Today is one of those days you wish you had something like phosphorus.
Although I'll never say it loud,
I think my story I have found.

Today might be a beatdown, but you have to see tomorrow.
Because sunrises are beautiful to take pictures of.

So I hope I see you tomorrow.
CAM Oct 2017
Some days you feel like you need to write something.
I know I'm not relatable, don't be too worried.
But today is one of those days where writing nothing,
Feels like betrayal hurried.

Some days you wish you could disappear.
I can't decide whether today is one of those days or not.
My crush disappears at 1:55 I fear,
But it's not like I ever enter his thoughts.

But some days aren't like that.
Some days you think there's nothing at all.
When in reality your mind is filled with chitchat.
You feel ready to fall
Right out of your seat
But that's alright.

Lunch sounds kind of boring,
But I suppose it's the people there who count.
My friends are always kind of alluring
They're some of the best people I've found.

You think someday someone will sit next to you
And you'll know it's them,
But you realize few
People find it's them.

I'm one of those people who finds the empty parts of the hallway to walk in.
Luckily, my friends are too, so I'll see them there, in the empty parts of the hallway.
Sorry I just kind of wrote on the page today so it's there and unorganized and beautiful in its own way.
5.1k · Oct 2017
The Effects of Being Shy
CAM Oct 2017
Sometimes you feel you shouldn't say anything
Sometimes you feel like you need to say everything.
But being who you are you can't.
If you did you would barely stand.

Some people make you feel small and congested
Others they make you feel your life is a blessing.
But you know that you're already beaten.
You convince yourself you're not a ******.

People tell you you're quiet and you need to speak up,
You get hurt and stay quiet but they don't tell you you're tough.
You stop talking for a while and people don't ask you what's wrong
Because you're usually that quiet, even for this long.

It's tough being a shy kid, growing up that way.
People always assume you don't have much to say.
But then we can surprise them, with poems like this
We can tell them something different, even though we're just kids.
4.5k · Feb 2018
Finally Down to Five
CAM Feb 2018
It's been a while.
Since I wrote a poem.
But not since I wrote about you.

I write about you all the time.
Every once in a while,
I forget why.

Then I remember why.
I remember you,
Or I see a picture.

I see your blond hair.
Your blue eyes.
You're the reason I have a type.

I think of your adventure,
And your shyness,
And your varying range of emotion.

I think of all these
Random memories,
Floating around in my head.

Like ping pong.
And capture the flag.
Like long flaring lights and computer bags.

Like fire escapes,
And hiding under tables,
Like missing you in winter with eyelashes like a fable.

Like long walks in the dark,
And hidden dark handkerchiefs with white polka dots.
Like plaid checkered jackets, even when it's hot.

Like cargo shorts and a white fedora.
Gathering under the arch like it's an agora.
Hiding that handkerchief between the flora.

God, I miss you more and more.
Months til I see you,
I'm down to only a few before.

I almost can't wait,
It makes me feel sad.
The fact that I'd leave,
Just like that.

Just so I could see you again.

It's Valentine's Day
And I'm here without you.
And I wish more than anything,
For that to not be true.
Argh. Oh. Now I'm a pirate.
So update: I recommended this site to the person this is about and now I'm terrified of him reading it.
4.3k · Jan 2018
Goodbye 2017
CAM Jan 2018
One year ago this month.
I fell off a cliff.
For the first time falling,
I thought I was flying.

In February I hit the ground.
My emotions splattered all around.
I felt weak and worthless.
I’d never felt more alone.

In March, I moved on.
I got up, and I pushed myself.
Away from him, away from the past,
And away from myself.

April brought rain.
I always remember rain.
Getting washed away.
In that April rain.

May brought beauty.
And with beauty came my camera.
I still have pictures of that first day,
In the sunshine of May.

June was too much like a puzzle.
No school, floating with nothing to do,
But pick up the pieces,
And start over.

July brought me back.
I finally found myself in those corridors,
Pushing myself through fears upon fears.
I stopped hiding in July.

August brought hope.
For a new day, a new me.
With support from my friends,
I pushed and tried to win.

September brought a new age.
It shouldn’t have changed me but it did.
I’m still the youngest of all of us.
Why shouldn’t I feel like a kid?

October brought me only sadness,
Missing my friends from July.
All their birthdays were there in the autumn madness.
Why’d I have to say goodbye?

November was a month of silence.
A break from the stress of my life.
But even though it was silent,
I wouldn’t have ever gone back for more.

December has brought a new beginning.
Confidence, and strength through myself.
I’m now saying goodbye and I’m happy,
That 2017 is now gone.
2.7k · Jan 2018
I'm Okay
CAM Jan 2018
I lied when I said I could trust you again.
I lied when I said I could easily fend.
I lied when I said I was telling the truth.
I lied when I told you this was proof.

I lied when I told you he looked fine.
I lied when I told you it left with the time.
I lied when I said it was no big deal.
I lied when I told you I could give you time to heal.

I lied when I told you I was fine.
I lied when I told you I’ve never lied.
I lied when I said he wasn’t my best friend.
I lied when I told you how much time I don’t spend.
Talking to him.

I lied when I told you I was doing okay.
I lied when I didn’t lie straight to your face.
I lied when I didn’t tell you how I felt.
I lied when I was uncomfortable and didn’t tell.

I lied when I kept a straight face.
I lied when I ran past you, upping my pace.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to tell you.
But I’d still be lying if I wasn’t being true.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about you every day.
I’d be lying if I said I was okay.
With you not being here,
Not knowing why I fear.

I’m lying when I say I’m fine without you.
I’m lying when I say I’m over what I didn’t do yet.
I’m lying when I tell people I didn’t ask for advice about you.
I’m lying when I say it’s about someone else.

I’m lying when I say I don’t want to be with you.
I’m lying when I say I know you like me too.
I’m lying when I know I can’t escape.
This lying is covering me like a cape.

I’m not a liar all the time.
But I can’t stop lying,
When I tell you I’m fine.

Just to see the smile on your face.
It makes me feel better.
I’m almost okay when I see that smile.
It almost makes it all go away.

If I saw it more than once a year,
Maybe I wouldn’t have to lie about being okay.

But don't you tell me you're okay too,
Because we both know it isn't true.
I'm really tired of lying.
2.7k · Nov 2017
Look at The Moon For Me
CAM Nov 2017
I really want to thank you.
Whether I'm being sarcastic or not,
You'll never know.

I feel like every time I write something,
It's for someone to read.
Spooky government guys,
Or girls who really like fries.

But sometimes it feels like I don't want to.
I don't want you to read about
Who or what affects me.

Sometimes I worry because my friends can read these things.
My friends, they enjoy poetry too.
My English teacher's on here.
She says she approves.

It's weird, isn't it?
How small the world is.
Yet I never see who I really want to.

I see uncles and aunts
And really long lost cousins.
I see my grandma's friends everywhere.
At weddings and all affairs.

But the only way I can see
Who I really want to.
Is through writing and pictures,
And trust me,
I do.

But it feels like it can't be real,
not yet.
I have eight months to go,
And I fret and I fret.

I can't wait to see those
Amazing blue eyes.
The upturn of blond hair,
And your shirts like the skies.

Your sense of adventure keeps me going.
It's weird,
I know,
how these words keep flowing.
You'll never read them.
But if you do,
I suppose.

I miss you.
With your laugh,
So infrequent,
And your entrances.
Through fire escapes?
     That's perfectly normal to me.
From under a table?
      That's pretty normal to see.
To scare me on a staircase?
      Of course, why not?
Hanging off a balcony?
    Fine, but keep your thoughts.

But the one entrance you have yet to make.
Is the one I want you to most.
The one that leads you back into my world.
The one that makes the legend unfurl.

I have documents upon documents
I'd love you to read.
But you never really will,
It's not hard to believe.

Poems and lists,
Monologues galore.
But wait and look,
Here's one more.
And you ask,
What is it truly for?

A thank you,
Dear friend
For being who you are.
And simply to ask you to look up at the stars.

For I can see the moon,
And so can you.
And I just wish,
I could see you too.
Don't mind this. Just an outflowing of thought.
CAM Aug 2018
It's hard.
Seeing you every day and forgetting.
I forget how to frown,
How to walk,
How to start a simple conversation.

All I have to say is hi.
Is that too much?
Should start with a witty pickup line instead?
No, that's way too much.

Should I comment on how I like your shoes?
Or how good you are at playing your instrument?
Or how good your hair looks in the wind?
Or how your jokes are funnier than you think?

Should I start a conversation with,
Something from the situation,
Or stick to the basics,
Plan it out in my head?

Should I say hi or hello
Be upbeat or mellow.
I'm happy to be talking to you,
But I don't want to be creepy.

Should I just smile in your direction
And pretend I'm not melting,
When you smile at me,
And turn back to what you're doing.

I just want to talk to you,
Why can't it be simple?
Why can't I start a conversation?

Maybe tomorrow,
I can start with hi.
975 · Jan 2018
CAM Jan 2018
I think I miss you.
I think just maybe I miss your voice.
I think I miss your laugh
I think I miss your eyes.

Then I do something fun,
And I realize
I need something more
Than just memories

More than just glimpses
More than just a dream.
I need to see you more often.
Or talk to you at least.

I need to tell you.
I need to talk to you about it.
I need to know if this is what you want.

But I know,
Once I do.
Things will change.
In little bits.
For worse or for better.
But I don't like change.

With change comes fear,
But I trust you.
Not to scare me,
Not more than you need to.
960 · Oct 2017
Friend Zoned
CAM Oct 2017
She's really cute.
You talk about her the way I talk about you.
And you know it.
Can you tell that I've guessed?

I haven't decided to ask you much about her yet.
I think I know what you might answer.
Your face lights up when you talk to her.
Which happens all the time, I fear.

I still have yet to decide.
Would I rather see you happy?
Or see you be mine?
And then I remember you're still my friend first.

Yesterday to my friend, I said
You really just liked me as a friend.
I couldn't be more glad
Did you expect me to be overly sad?

You're an amazing person,
So sweet and kind
I really suppose I'm learning
You're the kind of person I need to find.

So I suppose I'm in the friend zone.
But it's not the worst way to go.
At least we're still friends.
And I hope that doesn't end.

In the end my respect for you,
Wins above it all
You're my friend and I appreciate you,
Through everything all and all.
Ah, this felt really good to write.
841 · Oct 2018
If You Could Be Anyone Else
CAM Oct 2018
I'm always filled with rage toward people telling me to change.

Maybe it's because as much as I hate myself,

I wouldn't rather be anyone else.
832 · Sep 2018
CAM Sep 2018
Since my freshman year of high school,
I've said the phrase,
"There are so many people in this room."
Way too many times.

This little phrase exposes my fears,
Of embarrassment,
Or physical closeness to other people,
Or some secret poison slipped through fingertips.

I have no idea why fear builds in my chest
During all the situations.
Why am I scared of my peers?
My family?

I'm not sure I am.
I'm not sure why it's there.
I'm not sure if it's an actual problem
Or if this tightening happens to everyone.

I can't get it checked because it's normal
And I'm not anxious enough to have anxiety,
Not broken enough to have depression,
Not scared enough of people to have social anxiety.

I'm not at other people's levels,
So I'm not above average.
This is average teenage stress.
It's average to not be able to breathe after a tough confrontation.

Or during one.
It's average to not stop shaking your hands.
It's average to have people tell you to stop moving consistently.
Everyone does that, right?

It's normal to feel fear of someone who isn't remotely scary,
To feel like I'm inside a squeezing bubble of air,
When I can't do something I should do with ease.
When I can't do something normal for me.

To feel this moving in my stomach when I talk about this,
To feel like I can't keep talking,
To feel annoying and weird and strange,
For every single thing in this writing.

It's normal to feel all of those things,
574 · Nov 2018
CAM Nov 2018
She was your water,
But I could see the salt.

She was your heartbeat,
But I'd spilled the blood.

She was your siren,
But I was the shipmate.

She was your song,
But I knew all the words.

She was your heaven,
But I'd faced the hell.

She was your star,
But I could feel the heat.

She was the moon,
And I was Mercury.

I was always closer,
But she always felt the light.

I was your best friend,
But she was yours.
541 · Oct 2017
Falling For the Rhythm
CAM Oct 2017
I never liked poetry before
But I find myself reading it more.
Poetry reminds me of me
Being whoever I’ll be.
The laughter, tears and fire
Shoot my need for poetry higher.

I never thought I’d be addicted,
To the rhythm and the rhyme,
Of something more depicted
Than the thrumming time.
Always lost in the music,
Never really thinking about the time.

I’m no watercolor painting,
I don’t fall for my crush fainting.
I can’t write about any of that.
But I can say at last
I have something to say
It’s here I’ll decide to stay.
516 · Nov 2018
CAM Nov 2018
You look me in the eyes and ask why not
But I wonder why

You ask me how I know,
But I wonder why I wouldn't.

You ask me why I'm me
I wonder why I wouldn't be.
462 · Mar 2018
My Day Didn't Get Worse
CAM Mar 2018
What's going on inside me?

I feel something in my gut like
Something that's wrong?

Then again, almost everything
Has been making today worse
I don't know what it is about today.
But nothing is going right.

My friends all seem to hate me
My crush hasn't said a word.
My family feels like it's falling apart,
This couldn't get much worse, I'm sure.

Except for the fact that it's snowing outside.
What if someone gets hurt?
It looks like a blizzard,
But it's March.

I have practice tonight, until nine o'clock.
I have a tournament right after school.
Today makes me feel like I need to leave.
My head is saying to go.

But wow. It's weird.
To be cast out and lonely
For one day. For people to ignore
Your feelings and then ask them the next day

It's weird talking to your crush
Having that confidence,
Starting a conversation you
Didn't think you could

It's weird how your bad days
Only make you better.
It's weird how the things that could **** you
Can make you stronger instead

The things you told yourself
You couldn't lose
Are the things you're willing to fight for
The things that push you to the limit.
398 · Dec 2019
CAM Dec 2019
Yawns are contagious,
And so are colds.

And apparently,
So are smiles.
364 · Dec 2017
Auto correct
CAM Dec 2017
I was fixing some of my poetry,
Just now.
I went to type something.
But autocorrect somehow works like fate.

I figured it would be something simple.
Like changing a few letters.
But I didn't get just that.
It auto corrected to your name.

And I miss you.
So much I can feel the empty cavity
Where my heart isn't simply because...
It belongs to you.

I keep feeling this pain.
And sometimes I wonder why.
Why you aren't here,
Why I can't see you.

I wish we could facetime,
Or text or relay
Messages through friends
So I could talk to you again.

But I have seven and a half months
Yes. I've been counting.
In my head and out loud.
On the days I need grounding.

And I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

I miss you every day
All the time
And I don't know why I can't seem to stop.

Stupid autocorrect.
I don't know why it did that, but his name popped up and inspiration struck. Maybe I've just typed his name to often...
322 · Apr 2018
Being Wrong
CAM Apr 2018
Maybe I wish I wasn't wrong so often.
Especially when I feel a lot like I'm right.

When I'm with my friends,
It's easy to tell what they do,
And why.

With people I'm getting to know,
I notice things most people don't,
Although sometimes I presume people do.

It's weird that I can do all that,
But I can't even tell if you like me or not.

And now I feel stupid,
Because you don't quite feel the same.

Be happy,
My friends say.
It's not like he hates you.

And I know that.
We're friends,
And I know you.

But that doesn't mean
I enjoy being wrong.

And maybe it's hard to admit it sometimes,
When you're wrong it just doesn't feel right.
But sometimes you are,
And you have to admit it.

Even if you hate being wrong.
312 · Nov 2018
CAM Nov 2018
I don't repeat things consistently.

I don't repeat things consistently

I don't repeat things

I don't repeat

I don't

Unless they're important

Nothing can be important anymore
308 · May 2018
I Feel Like the FBI
CAM May 2018
It's kind of weird to think.
About how people change.
But it's not generally because of themselves.
Unless they mean it to be.

People around you.
Input pieces of their souls
Into everyone around you.
Every day.

Isn't it weird to think about?
Maybe you saw his fingers tapping,
Or her biting her lip,
Or them saying something that made you laugh.

And then a few weeks later,
You find yourself doing the same thing.

People input pieces of their souls
Into everything they do.
In an English essay, you can hear their voice,
In the way they write.
If you listen hard enough.

If you read the things I write.
You can tell little things about me.
Like the fact that I see the good in people,
And the fact that I'm young and in school.

Or the fact that the characters I write about
They exist everywhere in my mind.
My friends are often in my words,
Speaking through everything I say.

My words shape who I've become,
And the things I do become less fun,
Until you realize your soul is spreading too,
When you see someone reading a poem.

When you see someone covering their face with their hair,
Or reading the book you just read.
When you see someone who's singing classic rock,
Looking at you once again.

If you see someone copying your stride,
Or the way you hold your bags.
Or the way you mess with your fingers as you're nervous.
Just know it's not you who's inside.

We're all different people,
Sharing our souls,
Not knowing exactly where they're going,
Not at all.

Yet it's not hard to tell who someone is.
From the pieces of soul you find.
CAM Apr 2018
Oh how does time stop when I look at you

The stars shine only for you in the night

What could I do when I’m in love with you
Without a single reason in my sight

The memories we have together rise

And dance across my mind in the moonlight

Your eyes are amazing green orbs, my prize
Until death can take its ever so cruel bite

If time can stop when I look at your smile
How does time resume when I speak to you
Because you make life worth it all the while
Without you, I feel so lost and so blue

The stars shine for you in the dark night sky
I pray that we won’t have to say goodbye
This is a sonnet written for my best friend by his girlfriend and she sent it to me, telling me I could post it, and honestly, it makes me really happy how happy she makes him and how amazing they are together.
277 · Oct 2019
Can't believe
CAM Oct 2019
I could get a 33 on my ACT
I could have a 4.032 GPA
I could be valedictorian of my 200 person class
But I'd probably still be dumb around you
Idk how to describe this but like I  <3  you
276 · Oct 2017
Silver Flute
CAM Oct 2017
A scared little girl,
She walked into the room.
She saw the lady,
Sitting at the table.

This was a test.
The table covered in instruments.
She sat down in a chair, across the desk
Picking up the silver flute.

She put her mouth to it and tried to blow,
But the breath flew through with the sound
Of wind on lightly battered silver.
The girl set it down, saddened.

The lady nodded and wrote something,
handing her a slip.
The girl looked down and saw,
The name of the silver flute.
Sorry, just a little story I felt like writing.
269 · Aug 2018
Character Flaws
CAM Aug 2018
It seems like every story I read
Has a character named just like you.
They've different personalities than people I've met,
But they all have the same name too.

I read about these character and they're great,
Don't get me wrong.
But they just remind me of your face
And the way that we get along.

I couldn't put you into a character if I tried.
I would swear up and down it'd be wrong.
There's too much character in you to  buy.
I'm not going to try so move along.

There's too much personality to fit in a few sentences.
I couldn't even fit you in a book.
There's no way to explain your endlessness.
I wouldn't even try, but look.

Writers make great characters all the time.
Some based loosely off the people around them.
I've added you into plenty of mine.
But there's no way I could fit you all into one of them.

I'm not good enough at writing to capture the way you light up,
When you play that stupid card game you love.
Or the way your eyes shine in the sun.
Or the social awkwardness wrapping you in a tight hug.

Or the way you talk about drawing and art,
The way you walk with your friends.
The way you love sports and how you've turned out,
Playing them since you were like ten.

There's too much of you to fit in this poem,
Or any book I could write.
You can tell me to try,
But try as I might.

I can't write you character flaws.
Everyone has flaws, deep ones that make them who they are. You don't reveal yours to anyone, and especially not me.
262 · Jan 2018
That ever-there feeling
CAM Jan 2018
There's this feeling.
In the pit of my stomach.
It makes me kind of think,
Something will definitely go wrong.

I had plans today.
Things I could have done.
People I could have talked to.
But now I'll just play dumb.

I wish I could make it go.
Fly away, fall like the sun.
I needed something to make me strong.
Not something that makes my anxiety strong.

It hasn't disappeared yet.
It's been making me fret.
It's been several hours.
It's not like somebody brought me flowers.

I shouldn't feel like I'm nauseous.
I feel like I'm at a loss.
What could I have done that would have been a total failure today?
What kind of button would have pressed play,
On all my bad luck?

Maybe tomorrow I can use my luck.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe I won't feel like a crook,
Every time I start a single letter.
Idk but now it's here.
252 · Mar 2018
I Missed This
CAM Mar 2018
I missed it.
This feeling of happiness.
This feeling of strength
And that little burst of joy.
Each time you pop into my head.

But I didn't miss people.
"He's not good enough for you."
"He's into bad stuff"
"I thought you were a rule follower."

I don't miss that, not at all.
I don't miss being criticised,
Every time I try to be happy.
Every time I think of your face.

I miss thinking about the way we first met.
Letting that memory and others flood my mind.
Every single time I'm bored.
Your hair, voice and manner are all adorable.

And I miss thinking someone is adorable.
I miss thinking of someone when I get good news.
I miss talking to someone and letting it get better every day.
I miss talking to someone and almost not going to bed on time.

I missed talking to someone,
To take my mind off the day.
Or even just to make a good day better.
My day is tiring, and you tell me to sleep.

And that's what I miss the most.
Having someone who cares.

But of course,
"You're going to get hurt."
Is the only thing I hear.
251 · Sep 2020
I don't know
CAM Sep 2020
I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't get it

I don't understand

I cannot comprehend this

I feel stupid and awful but my brain cannot understand

Why is this so hard

Why do I feel this way

Why does it hurt so much

Why did I do that

Why didn't I just do something else

Why can't I just fix this

Why is this so hard

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know
242 · Nov 2017
Maybe? No.
CAM Nov 2017
Who are you, random person?
You're by my table in the morning.
By my friends and my reason.
Who are you?

You aren't supposed to be here.
I don't think you're new.
I've never seen you before today.
But you still seem to here, strewn.

Our first time talking was awkward.
Of course, it was, we just met.
We shook hands and just stood there.
You don't remember me, I'll bet.

But I saw you and something clicked.
You were almost familiar.

I looked at you and saw a shade of something.
Something that reminded me of me, I guess.

I'm never really used to being wrong.

But I knew something happened.
Even though it was nothing, it was.
It's weird how it feels like I know you.
But really I know nothing at all.

I feel like everything should rhyme by now,
I've been writing way too long for it not to.
But I still think my writing isn't perfect.
Because it isn't and neither am I.

I've never felt a feeling like I felt that day
It was weird, but I doubt it was love.
Maybe we are destined to be enemies
Or friends, I don't really know.

But something was there.
Even though it was nothing.
Maybe? No.
Idk but is happened and something made me want to write about it.
241 · Oct 2019
A Quiet Query
CAM Oct 2019
I know it's not Halloween yet
But would you be my boo?
238 · Jan 2020
New Year's Eve Troubles
CAM Jan 2020
It's crazy.
One second goes by.
And suddenly you're in a new second
A new minute,
A new hour,
A new day,
A new year,
And a new decade.

All at the same time.
235 · Dec 2019
CAM Dec 2019
I LIKE talking to you every day.

I LIKE making eye contact with you like we’re sharing an inside joke

I LIKE hearing you laugh and seeing you smile

I LIKE boosting your confidence

I LIKE that you boost mine the same way

I LIKE that you look me in the eyes when we talk

I LIKE talking to you about things that are happening in my life

I LIKE that you’re my best friend

I LIKE you

I just want to ask you out already

But I don’t know how to
Well this is a thing that exists
217 · Nov 2017
Dear Somebody/Nobody
CAM Nov 2017
If you ever read this,
I miss you.
Every day.
All the time.
With no end in sight.
I miss you almost more than I can say,
almost more than I'll admit.
You're my best friend,
my soul,
my heart.
You're the reason I'm going strong.
You're who I think of,
with nothing to do,
and also who I think of,
in my day through and through.
I miss you more than the sun misses the moon,
only seeing you once in fleets of stars.

Dear Nobody,
I still wish you were here.
You're the reason I'm now living.
You're the voice in my head saying no.
That idea's stupid.
Do it.
You're my deep down best friend.
You know me better than anyone.
You're the person these paragraphs are for.
All the time.
All the poems I write.
You're somewhere in my mind.
Still inspiring me.
To push the limits and
Push yourself.
And your own limits.
As well as the world.

This is almost poetic, I suppose.
Maybe I should stop that......or not.
One of you may be my somebody-nobody.
My person.
I guess you both are.
Opposites but the same
In my heart.
The ones who just...CLICK.

Maybe we'll never be romantic,
and I think that's fine.
But that doesn't mean I won't miss you.
Until we meet again,
long lost friends.
I'll be here.
Idk why I wrote this, but Somebody/nobody did not come from my mind, it's from a book, I just have a bit of a twist.
209 · Mar 2018
CAM Mar 2018
I can feel the tears on my cheeks,
My lips,
My clothes.
They drip down to cover me,
In the one thing that reminds me that I'm still here.

I can feel the racking sobs,
My chest feels compressed,
And that familiar lump resides in my throat.

I can hear the mantra,
Running through my head.

Why am I still here?
Why am I the one who's like this?
Why am I not the good enough one?
Why am I not happy?

Why am I like this?
Why am I doing this?
Why can't I get over the dramatics?
Why do I feel overdramatic for having emotion?

Why does this always happen?
202 · Dec 2017
20 questions
CAM Dec 2017
Why do I use 20 questions to identify how well I know you? Is it...
Because I know I can barely answer twenty questions about myself?

Twenty. Simple, right? Never.
What's your favourite colour? Always first.

Where is your happy place? Usually second. Followed by...
Where do your roots plant you? And then we get personal... A bit.
What do you hate most about yourself? For you it was everything...
Why should I hate the same things you do?
I like everything about you...

Why do I write lists so I can remember? I may never know.
To remember what? Your voice, your look, you....
Why do I miss you so much?

Why am I still writing to you? You'll never read this.
Why am I missing you? It's been four months.

Why do I look at old pictures of you? Is it...
Because I miss you? Maybe it's something else...

Why did you become a big part of my soul? My other half?
Why are you still there? Because I miss you...

I can't stop thinking about why? I miss you...
What is keeping me here?
Oh yeah. You.
I play twenty questions to know people. To let people know me. It's weird.
202 · Nov 2017
Some Ten-One Stories
CAM Nov 2017
I walked through the trees, expecting something new, different, real.
Instead, I found something I needed, something old, real.
I found something I loved, strove for, needed.
Something I can’t live without, feel without.
With my heart in a grasp.
It’s almost like a river.
Flowing down a cliff.
It’s just you.
With flowers.

She looked up expecting to see you standing with flowers.
Instead, she saw your brother, with a normal note.
It said something about not making the date.
Something about her not being the cause.
Then it broke off, no explanation.
It wasn’t something she expected.
She hadn’t guessed it.
You walked in.
Marry me?
You don't have to read these, they're just so I have somewhere to put them for now. I'm experimenting don't judge me.
CAM Jan 2018
All I feel right now are butterflies.
Fluttering around in my stomach.
I really wish away they'd fly.
But thinking about it is roughish.

All I'd have to do is talk to you about it.
And they'd be gone, super quick.

Some days you make me feel crazy about you.
And some days you make me feel small.
People tell me to say something, my whole crew
But I feel like I'll crash into a wall.

Maybe you're called a crush because you can crush my soul.
With one word, one breath, one look.
You're in front of me now, and you look so whole.
But you've never really been an open book.

You seem so strange now that you're awkward.
Except maybe that's just my view.
Maybe my heart's going a bit too far.
Leading me even more to you.

But I can't go to you,
You won't accept it.
My heart is in pieces, very few.
But still enough to make it hurt.
190 · Aug 2018
CAM Aug 2018
I promise, we know,
We aren't perfect people, but we fight.
To make ourselves better,
Teenagers don't always think they're right.

We write sometimes, and it's deep.
Maybe about something ever so small.
It's not even a thought you'd want to keep.
But to us, it means it all.

We haven't had enough years of living.
You've many more turns round the sun.
But here you can find us still and we're giving,
Pieces of ourselves to everyone.

We're just like you,
We're brave and we're strong,
We fight for our lives
And we fight all along.

We fight for the people who were with us before,
And we fight for the people who one day will be no more,
And we fight for the people who were robbed of their future,
And we fight for the people who will be someone else tomorrow.

We stand for the people who've lived before us,
But also for the future of people just like us.

The world says we'll lead you,
Through storms of change,
But know that we're scared too,
The world ahead is strange.

But the thing we need you to understand most,
Is we're trying our best,
And so we hope,

You won't break us down,
You'll instead build us up.
We need your support
As much as you need our hope.

And for the generation that comes after,
I hope you can lead us too.
Because we aren't perfect,
But we were just like you.
189 · Nov 2018
Keep Telling Me
CAM Nov 2018
If you keep telling me to be quieter,
  Maybe I’ll stop talking.

     If you keep telling me you can’t hear me,
     Maybe I’ll finally yell.

        If you keep telling me I’m being dramatic,
        Maybe I’ll stop telling you things.

           If you keep telling me I’m fine,
           Maybe I’ll show you I’m not.

              If you keep telling me I’m confused,
              Maybe I’ll figure it out.

                 If you keep telling me I’m stupid,
                 Maybe I’ll be smart enough to leave.

                 Maybe I’ll be smart,
                 If you stop telling me I’m stupid.

               Maybe I’ll figure things out,
               If you stop telling me I’m confused.

            Maybe I’ll be fine,
            If you stop telling me I am when I’m not.

          Maybe I’ll tell you things,
          If you stop telling me I’m dramatic.

        Maybe I’ll stop yelling,
        If you stop telling me you can’t hear me.

      Maybe I’ll keep talking,
      If you stop telling me to be quiet.
CAM Jan 2020
As the sun rises on another day,
I feel my heart grow lighter.
As the sun rises yet again,
My heart falls.

As the sun rises in the east,
I feel a smile grow on my cheeks.
As the sunrise shines,
I feel tears glisten in the sun.

As the moon sets,
I am finally free.
As the sun grows,
I wonder which loss is worse.
183 · Nov 2017
Barely Here
CAM Nov 2017
I barely feel happy anymore.
I just don’t feel it.
I don’t know why,
but it’s been going on for a while.
Most of the time, I don’t feel sad,
but I just don’t get happy all the time.

I’m mostly sad, my happy moods are too easily disrupted,
and they come not often enough at all.
I feel like I’ve changed too much from who I used to be, I can’t tell
If it’s because of my friends, my family, all the stupid heartbreaks,
Stress, or whatever. I can’t tell anymore.

It’s just all a part of my life.
It’s super frustrating because I don’t know what to get rid of
To have my life be happier because I don’t know yet
What will break me? I don’t know.

People keep having these problems all around me
And they say I’m the happy one
And I have all the joy,
And if I only knew how they felt….no.

I do. I know how you feel when you have depression and anxiety
I was raised in a divorced family with not one,
But two verbally abusive dads.
One mom who’s always away from home,
Working an hour away from right here.
One dad who doesn’t care.
One who cares too much sometimes and none the next day.
No parents who support my hobbies and what makes me happy.
No parents who are proud of me for my grades.

Three friends who help me when I’m in trouble,                        
And listen when I’m sad.          
Three. TWO.

Two friends who are there when I need them.                                    
Two friends who I send monologues and paragraphs.            
Two people I trust.      
Two. ONE.

One person,                                                          ­                                    
I trust to not leave me,                                                              ­      
To not break me,                                                      
To support me,                                          
To not call me annoying,                
To tell me the truth,        
To tell me I’m doing great and I can do this.
One person who knows how my mind works.      
One person, I trust with my mind,                                  
My life,                            
My soul.                    
Three. Two. ONE.

They aren't here right now.                              
They're gone into the void where I can't see them.          
Not clearly.                                            
All I have are pictures,                                
Pictures of who my best friend is.                      
Pictures of who they were when I last saw them.        
Pictures of the friend I love more than I love myself.      
And the friend I miss most in the world.                  
But I wonder if they have any pictures of me.
180 · Oct 2017
Who are you?
CAM Oct 2017
Some things make you love a person even more.
Like their height, their humor, their clothes.
The nerdiness not so deep inside them
Even when they act like they’re seven.

When he’s jumping from wall to wall
Or calling me short in the hall.
When we’re together, talking is simple,
And our conversations are ample.

In marching band he looks devine
And in making my heart race he’s just fine.
He might be really strange
But in his own little way,
He’s amazing.

He’s so overlooked,
As kind as he is
Constantly mocked
For actions that aren’t his.

And it makes me upset
But I suppose I digress
I’m not ready to let him go.
180 · Oct 2017
Next Year...We'll See
CAM Oct 2017
When reading this title,
Did you think it was a close call?
A thought of suicide by rifle?
A day when I learned to fall?

This title explains my thoughts
Right now, at this moment.
I barely found myself, caught.
I'm less important than a floret.

You can't explain how you feel
When you fail at something
Which you thought you could do
When you think about it, it's not funny.

It's hard to try to tell you.
When I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
You're turning into part of my crew,
We're talking all the time during meals.

But still, it's hard to try.
But I won't soon be saying goodbye.
You're my friend, I love you too much.
But failing at this, it's rough.

I thought I could do it, I did.
I thought I was where happiness is.
I knew I'd be happy either way.
And this is hard to say.

But I'm tired of not being good enough.
And I love being just a friend.
Just being around you is a lot of fun.
More than any music I've ever made.

I'm really tired of being called crazy.
Of being strange because you don't like me back.
I'm fine with it, but they make it seem hazy.
And it feels like a hazardous attack.

I'm happy, just being near you,
But I can't deny it's weird.
You don't hate me and I like you.
I thought you would sneer.

This isn't what I'm used to,
But in hindsight, I like this more.
They say I should be more rude,
But I don't know what for.
177 · Oct 2017
CAM Oct 2017
People ask me why I like you.
Trust me it happens all the time.
I have the same answer too,
It's hard to explain why?

But you see my dear,
This answer isn't hard to explain at all
All I have to do is fear
The reasons I might forget to fall.

Like the color of your hair
Or your towering height
Your avoidance of the fair
And your willingness to fight

A challenge of wits is always enough,
To set my heart racing even if it's tough.
People tell me you're weird, you're different
But then I look at you and the option's not the simplest

But it's you.
I need to find you.
But I can't decide if you're
Right here or much too far away.
CAM Oct 2018
Maybe it was magic
Maybe it was fate.
Maybe it was some twisted irony.
Maybe this was meant to happen from that first day.
172 · Jul 2018
Not sorry?
CAM Jul 2018
I just really want to apologize.
But I know you've told me before
The more you apologize,
The less it means when you need it to be known.

But I'm kind of sorry anyway
I'm annoying, a lot, all the time
And there's really a reason,
I promise.

All I've ever wanted was to know you.
To know who you are to the world
To the people around you and
Inside yourself too.

I'm sorry that I've been annoying recently.
It's a side affect of the person I am to you.
And I guess I could tell you adjacently,
I'm not sorry for the way I talk to you.

I like you a lot, that's true.
But that's not why I talk the way I do.
I love your personality more than anything
And I just want to know your everything.

So I AM sorry,
For being annoying as I am.
I want to be your friend because I care,
And I want you to have the support you deserve.

So I wait as long as it takes.
For you to respond or make a joke,
and go along with what I say.
And I guess I just miss you

And while I hope, a lot,
That I don't annoy you,
I know if I do it'll be worth it.
I'll be talking to you.

But if I annoy you I expect you to tell me.
So please don't ignore me.

Just tell me if I'm annoying you.
Don't want to apologize but I really am being annoying so here's this poem expressing my thoughts.
166 · Oct 2017
Where I'm From
CAM Oct 2017
I’m from monster cookies and peanut butter frosting,
From colorfully magic strawberry cake drawings,
I’m from vanilla and chlorine, smells so close when I roam.
And the dark nights in spring when the air smells like home.

I’m from B flats and D sharps,
And roads to get lost on.
I’m from dump 'til it looks good,
And falling into holes at dawn.

From the youngest Tsar's daughter,
A shaded umbrella and a bright floodlight.
Determining how dark or light the water,
Rather than things surely written at midnight.

I’m from hidden passages not quite to brag.
I’m from tennis and soccer to capture the flag.
From a long line of teachers,
Who sat in the bleachers, alone.

There’s a box in my closet,
like the ones written in stone.
Full of red lettered memories,
Of the me that’s now gone.
Wrote this for English a while ago and decided, why not?
156 · Sep 2018
CAM Sep 2018
People have told me
For every year since I could talk,
That when you find THE ONE,
You'll forget your own name.

But if I forget how to talk,
How can you help me sing?
If I forget how to breathe,
How can I laugh?

If my heart skips a beat,
Will you make sure it doesn't **** me?
If the butterflies get too out of hand,
Will you be there to get rid of them?

If my voice shakes,
Usually, I'm scared.
If I'm shyer around you than without,
You're probably not THE ONE for me.

I need my heart to stay steady,
And butterflies in my stomach make me nauseous.
Lucky for me,
I have someone who will sit with me until fear leaves.

Someone who will stand and watch changing fall colors,
Or debate about the more beautiful sunset,
Someone who listens and responds,
Even when I think I'm too quiet.

I have someone who I can tease,
Someone who teases me back.
I have someone who makes me laugh
Instead of taking my breath away.

I have someone who lifts me up,
And I'd trade that for THE ONE any day.
155 · Jul 2018
Poetry is Written For You
CAM Jul 2018
I've never known how to start a conversation,
Never once in my life.
I've never thought that conversation,
Is like a poem but harder to write.

You start with hello,
Or maybe a hi,
And you go somewhere because of someone in your life.

Poems are like stories that take much less time.
It seems a bit easier it doesn't have to rhyme.
My friends say they've tried it,
But to no avail.

I wonder what they'd do if I told them they could do it.
That writing is just like talking,
You can just write what you're thinking.

It doesn't have to rhyme or flow,
Sure that's nice but it might not be you.
Some poetry is out of order and couldn't rhyme if it had to.

Some poems,
Like this one,
Have different numbers of stanzas.

Different pieces of thought,
Pushed into something almost organized.
Poems don't need to be organized at all.

Some poems,
Like this one,
Aren't even a little bit organized.
They don't rhyme, or flow.

But they're pieces of you,
Thrown onto a page,
Ready for someone to read.
Or just ready for someone to ignore.
Here. A new poem. I haven't been on in a while, so there might be an onflowing of thoughts for a while.
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