i turned eighteen today
the voice in my head had, something to say
“you’ve done so well, 132”
she told me “no one will recognize you”
that was before i lost all self control
looking around i see the ice cream bowl
now all i can do is eat
and eat

**** her!
I was scared
She was an adult
I was 10
I was 11,12,13,14
15!
I grew up being molested
I grew up in fear
She’s the one who put me there
Who kept me there
Why?
If she was so scared why didn’t she try to leave
She didn’t even try once
Because she loved him more than me
She didn’t care what was happening to me

yesterday was today
today was yesterday
i have no awareness
the world around me is a blur
what to do to erase the past
how could i be so rash
how could o have no guilt
how could i not cry over death
how could you just sit there and listen
listening to me ramble on and on about the past
the past that does not matter today

I only want two things in this world,
You and your love.
30/9/2020

Life is no laughing matter

It has to be done.

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.