led so far astray
through each cold biting night
like a foolish fire
a flickering light

down low tracks
to a place
that didn't even exist

Your eyes sang the song of loss
And I recognized the chorus

i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
a mix that has kept me alive for far too long.
i’ve barely slept,
i want you to kiss me until our lips are bruised and touch me hard enough that traces of your fingertips can still be seen on my skin.
i’ve barely slept,
i miss the feeling of someone’s mouth on my neck,
the feeling of gentle kisses starting at my collarbone and falling lower and lower and lower.
i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
when what i really need is to find my relief in you.

We were married in the spring
You were diagnosed in the summer.

I clutched the letter
Predicting your fate.

Not knowing how
I was going to tell you.

Not wanting to break
Our rhythm. Our future. Our fortune.

But I had no choice,
It was not my secret to keep.

So I found the words, some words.
And watched your face crumple in confusion.

Saw our new life flash
Before our very eyes.

While our former one
Receded into darkness.

Disappearing ink
on the pages of our lives.

Do I see the tree

or do I just remember --


the image of it?

He's gone, I linger

about in our shared past where --


he is still with me.