Ever have a browser open
With many different tabs?
Its a slippery *****
From one tab needed,
To about 20 for no reason
Some only open for a second
Taking up more bandwidth than the
Christmas season
It's like when it slows down, your computer
Is committing the high act of treason
Bleeding onto the overstimulated neurons
That occupy your mind with things so frivolous
And then you see..

The holes in your thoughts and logic creeping and creaking, closer to falling apart
Like listening to someone with a perpetually broken heart
Speak about love purer than the whitest dove
And how they'll never fall apart...

That's what my brain is like
Ive long since given up the fight...

Have you ever had a doctor say “I believe you are exaggerating” or, “are you sure it is that bad?”. You reply in a half gone voice taken by days without sleep, astounded by the wall you will to have to climb “I-i-i-i-i don’t k-k-know”. As the words leave my mouth your faith of help crashed. The doctor smiles as if you am fine. As if you will not go home and cry, maybe go to that small metal box you hid in your closet you pretend doesn’t exist. You rattle it and a familiar sound greets you, it begs you to come back, you want to let it back. You know it will sting, sting worse than you remember. All of a sudden you snap back, you are still in the small room that smells like bleach and incense. The doctor closes his file on you, filled with you in black and white. He still has the sickening smile on his face, and says “we will need a follow up six weeks. “You are still off in the distance “numb”

Almost died but this time I didn’t

the pain of an artistic with an academic life
being bound by wonton grasping
don’t even seem to  know who or what I’m asking
Got so lost again when a guide mentioned in passing

Theres a fork in the road up ahead
no choice is still a choice maybe end up dead
Always walk the darkest path until
i remembered the angel and made up my choice
pull myself up like I hoist
out the words when I’m verging on verbing in Voice.

Seen demons, I hear hell, Headache of pride make ya head swell
been sick as hell/ oh well
stuck at the bottom molding
unseen granting boons
in the moon-lit wishing well

But I ought to see my life as odyssey
like I oughtt to be the hero
more playful like the spirit
otter i otter be

Im stuck in feedback loop self
but the emerging, unfolding, ever so bold in its calling

states plainly that it is time to fall down shaking
cascading blood caking memory set
wrong or at least oblong in it’s making

moments
seem to make me lose my voice
so how can I preach

if I m not acting
how can I teach

If my arms ain’t out
mama how can I reach?

Wishing the earth calls me

yelling come back my child
Rest in my arms and forget

I am death living memory leech.

╭∩╮(Ο_Ο)╭∩╮

I’ve had myriad seizures in my life.
I’m however, still alive.
An obscure force constantly attacked me.
A force directly proportional to gravity.
God granted serenity to accept the certainty,

Epilepsy, you’re in my life.
You don’t own my life.
My cognitive function has been dented.
I’ve been labelled and painted.
Sometimes even laughed at.

Seized, fell and rose countlessly.
I soldiered on courageously.
Giving up has never been an option.
I never took my eyes off the goal posts.
Epilepsy tried to shift the goal posts.

Against all odds, I graduated.
Applause as I approach the podium.
They applaud for academic success.
I however applaud for overcoming epilepsy.
Hospital was my other home during studies.
Marks capped, academic record not true image of success.

Your morning smile is precious.
It gives me happiness.
Smiling is indeed contagious.
Your smile puts me on “daily autopilot”.
You make me believe I can fly like a dove.
Is this the power of love?

Your smile is a catalyst to beauty not makeup.
To accolade your smile I trade a boffola for laughter.
Just to relax your muscle tension.
Oh yes, laughter restores the body’s natural energy.

I see the light through your crystal white teeth every morning.
It chases all nightmares like sunrise chasing the darkness.
A morning without you by my side is void.
I’m addicted to your morning smile.