YOU'RE TO DEPRESSING

His words haunted over me as if death had become my guardian angel.
Endless years of basic training, constantly asking if this is a battle you want to fight.
Only to be left on the front line alone with nothing but a knife carved from lies, lodged in my spine.
Your flirtation quickly change to manipulation.
Thanks for "putting up with me" while i got the help i needed,
i mean after all you dated me while i was addicted to drugs,
and you made it known.
Throwing my past in my face,
looking down at me like some DISGRACEFUL ******
You said you loved me.
Now I know.

Push me
Slap me
Kick me
Throw me out
Punch me
Scratch me
Beat me
Stone me
Hang me
Frame me
Torture me
Make me bleed
**** me
But still
I will always
Always
Love you...

No matter the pain
You put me through
For some reason
I won't stop
Loving you
Defending you
With all my might
With every fiber
Of my being
I will fight for you
Until I am so broken
I know not a single reason
But to fight

Even so
Is this good?
Am I still me?
Or am I a machine?
For I have no feelings
I am numb
Only wanting to stay
And fight
For the ones close to me
Yet I feel nothing
But boundless pain...

So tell me;
What is my fate?

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019

We sense it because it comes inexorably,
this is the beginning  of good-bye.
Her eyes avert his, a touch with no
feeling, a caress more cautious than
caring, a kiss when lips do not meet,
this the beginning of good-bye.
A perfunctory placement of the hand,
a conversation moribund, sipping
scotch and sodas in silence, a call that
never comes, memories that have grown opaque,
this is the beginning of good-bye.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks

But failed