I never wanted you to be
A picture on a glowing screen
Each word I speak of you could be
The soft words of a eulogy.

I wanted to knife my tongue today
To spit it out and throw away
I crooned your name in gentle lilt
Like a hand trailing over silk.

I thought it would choke me then
And it would drown me once again
I held my breath and really tried
To keep you locked away inside.

Instead the floodgates lost their clasp
And I could only stop and gasp
As it all encompassed me
I sunk down deep beneath the sea.

Ocean eyes I do recall in
Each return in early fall
Holding tight to the belief
In each gold arc, and scarlet leaf...

That my dream would be your dream
Instead of just a memory.
But all that was is nothing now
And all this is will not match how
It could have been, it should have been
And never will it be again.

The dam I built against the dream
Found me today in tiny stream
In rivulets I let you through
The person that I had once knew

I broke the surface to breathe
And felt the moisture take its leave
Pent you up behind the wall
Until the rain decides to fall.