Im so sorry
I said I'd stop
I lied.
I said never again
I lied
I didn't mean to
I wasn't thinking
It was to much
Im sorry

I said id stop
I said id try
But everything i say those words
I know they're lies
While I hold the blade
My mind goes blank
My body does what it does
I have no control
Eventually the pain pulls me out of the trance
Then I see the effect of what I've done
The fresh blood..
The scars on my thighs and arms
The pain that will never go away

I cant ever find the right words to say.
If it's about love, depression, anything
No words
Sometimes no feelings
How do I express how I feel?
How do I show them how much they mean to me?
Why am I like this?
A messed up person
Cant go with given name
Cant go with the right gender
Wrong pronouns
Wrong hairstyle
Wrong clothes
"Be more feminine" they say
"Grow your hair out"
But it doesn't feel right
Then there's the other people
Do what you want
What feels right
Everything will get better
"You didn't **** up. It's ok. It's part of the process"
The words my sibling says when I relapse
The words that I'm starting to believe every time I sh
Its ok.
Itll get better
People love you for who you are
Just around some people
You have to fake

My sibling
The one who helps me when I'm down
The one who makes everything better
The one who's showed me the good in myself
The one who makes me feel better when I'm feeling low
The one that says I'm the best sibling
The one who cares
May not be by blood
But they're my amazing sibling

Where have you gone?
My world has fallen apart
Without you here
Without you near
What have I done wrong?
Why are you gone?
Where did you go?
Where did we go wrong?

I try to hold my feelings in
To ignore the pain that I hide
The thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming
I try and try but they never stop
I need to feel
Although I don't want to
I need to keep going no matter what

Why do I always feel like I've done something wrong?
Like everyone is always mad at me
That I've done something to make you upset with me.
What have I done?
Just tell me and I fix it
I swear I'll fix it
Please
Please tell me what I've done wrong
I promise I'll fix it
I fix whatever you need me to fix
Don't leave
Not like this
Please