I wanted to die this time last year
Humbug, my love’s gone - the same as my cheer
I keep meeting women quick to wish me away
Then they cry & claim abandonment like ‘why didn’t you stay?’
Reducing my friends list with her inbox to blame
Scrolling through pictures though faces are strange
Connect me to something worthwhile to feel
Show me a status that makes magic real

Rinse off in the rain
Same story insane
Told again and again
A close romance with death I blame
Life; and though it’s priceless - I’m broke with no change
I wish I had the guts to take the leap and end this silly circus
Still I’m trying not to notice that i must have missed my purpose
If i die from laziness, my hernia from work will
Serve as a reminder some important things are worthless
Dedication when misplaced is a test not worthwhile grading
Looking back to waste more time on memories I’m facing
Somehow, will slow down the clock, my cowardly replacements
Kept yesterday’s like bite sized snacks unwrapped left just littered basements
Depression gives a lesson that is better left unlearned
I have no gifts peers wish I’d give, just random seeds that need no dirt

I attempt a smile though my heart has it's doubts
It's true I'm a liar, still please hear me out
I'm in love with a dream
Forgetful me forgot to sleep
No peace of mind to share or show
I hurt all those who get too close
I told her I loved her for whatever it's worth
Omitted I don't know how to love without hurt

Best try & impress her with a lesser intention
Karma's seen me digress to a non worthwhile mention
Trade me your burdens (I'll take the whole lot)
I will not complain, the pain made me strong
Ruined your day just to make an excuse
[&] Leave you unchained from thoughts that I've got
**** me with those words that cure me for now
Love me never (I'm better off gone)

I love to see her smile, though I rarely smile back
I doubled up my *** and then I tripled up my Jack
Grabbed a pack of cigarettes
Like cancers what I lack
Told her I'd return when the devil's off my back
She said she'd leave the porch light on, and I love this girl for that

Write me off, that's fine - if I'm honest, your eyes are not why I've bled blue on loose leaf for all these years.
I gave away a rough draft of my life and skipped the polish - yeah, I get that I'll never be published, and to you, my words likely look like incoherent ******* because I'd surely be full on illiterate if it wasn't for spellcheck & this stupid heart of mine.
My goal wasn't to be relatable (it was always for me so I could go back if and when I needed a reason to breathe I'd reread to see how far I've come) and so (I have no grand delusions of "success" or even dreams of recognition) I know I will never be a great writer -
A lonely man's truth has never been a valuable commodity.
I just wanted to let you know that I've seen your poetry & it's simply beautiful in all it's intricate complexities -
and mine is what it's always been (and bare with me now, as I attempt a metaphor) my ol' trusty lifejacket.
It just helps keep me from sinking all the way down to rockbottom.

Thank you all for sharing, I like to think I have a good idea what your words mean to you - and for some of us they might just mean everything.

And for now, I'll leave you with this


Dear Poet,
If you ever feel the urge to give up, just remember that if you do, everything you went through will have been for another man's (or woman's) kindling.

Dearest friend (I've yet to meet),

Who was I kidding?
As if I somehow missed the message --
Childish, my reply sent said:

'shoot! I'm sorry - I must have forgot to hit send'

- I'm the loser who let you wonder for a minute if I meant it (but don't give another thought) a moment longer you'll realize.. I'm lying, I'm a liar (spoiler alert)

I hate to break it to you, today, I really couldn't care less  - yesterday you were all I had left, tomorrow maybe fate will finally bless me, find me dead as I felt inside since I can remember and I'll be at peace with knowing I left you alone.... 
I know, I know.....
We talked for hours, I told you who i really was.. that was just a test - when u got back to me I honestly  almost instantly lost all interest. (Caught a catch 22)
Listen closely (or rather, read carefully) you know I said I love you and that is still the truth (for what its worth, you're welcome) but what you may not know is that i resented you for the fact that you said you love me back (believe me it hurts to say the truth) so my reaction may seem a bit unexpected, know I know I left you with less than you deserve - but this was the only gift I could afford.


I'm unavailable & miserable with the mess I've made for me (trauma tethered me to someone I will never take the leap to try to be me with)

Ask around you'll find my reputation is deplorable - I only ever take (and take and take) 
-- kind of like taxes, most people HATE taxes (no matter how necessary they may be)

I was never meant to be so painfully average - i was born of greatness (trust me, my folks were basicly the best) nurtured my mediocrity on purpose to avoid the pressures of the "life" i should have (could have) led - you say it's not too late - 
Satan's screaming 'she's a liar, you're a waste, take her, keep her here with us'
I look to Christ for sage advice -
'You best just keep your distance, shes a lover but she knows not what she says - she speaks from a place you've never really been welcome - and if she knew everything you took from her, remember, she's only human, and..well.. I think you understand..'
He was right, I know - (Lucifer's a ****, despite the fact he's generally always atleast half right)
You're too beautiful - my reflection is hideous..
I resist all kinship, we could have shared because love hurts so much (or so I've witnessed) 
when goodbyes 
(Even those one might call over due) 
Sneak up and bite us, we are the ****** and cursed the worst and best of us survivors - alike (this is a fact, even if they never ever find common ground sturdy enough to build on, it's there - everyone feels pain from loss -- and the amount of pain between mortals is suprisingly more irrelevant than it is relative)
and we will feel loss, all of us (even the unloved and especially the forgotten)
Someone is always left behind,
I would do anything to outlive all my loved ones (and so I sought immortality) - because I know how it feels to lose them (the gifted, the gone-to-soons) and know this, loneliness scares me a hell of a lot less than transfering pain (undoing all the happiness I meant to spread from my plastic bag filled with good intentions) to some poor soul whose silly enough to feel for me even half of what I felt for them.

I regret this profession I was given - every day it gets harder to convince myself that I'm a good guy, just trying to do my job. Someone has to do it and from what I can tell: 
gods plan is just a rough draft, edited frequently and it's up to no one to really understand it, and yet, everything revolves around it. 
.. and I mean everything. 
Including me,
The Reaper (although, I dislike the title because it insinuates I am absolutely the only one like me.
I often fantasize that I am one of many others, 
maybe they're on other planets or different planes who knows..but I can tell you with absolute certainty that I've yet to meet another like me.)

I guess we all have a purpose - is what I'm trying to say.
Anyway, I should run.. I have a million and some odd funerals to attend this week alone. 


Signed sincerely -
Your friend,
Death

P.s. I will wait for you, there's really no rush for us to meet ♡