Fortunately for me
I forgive you
Tortured intestines
Twisting obsessions
Life is changing
& people grieve change
Leaving love behind (in favor of inclusion - memorialized by comment sections)
All alone I cloned our burdens
Told myself your faults were somehow mine to bare aswell
I forgave you -

Will it help?
I really hope it helps

(Today)
I made a list of things
in which
I can live without
and found
you came
to mind first
but I couldn't bring
myself
to
write
your name
down.

Isn't this what you wanted -
This voice, does it help?
No matter, what's been written -
Best keep it to yourself
Your words, yes you with the pen -
Tell truths best unsent, let it die
You opened this door,
To a world made to hide
Friends who knew better
Gone, left you behind
Family, leave them
Less burdened by whys
Madness, you have it -
They need not admire
Talk to yourself
Alone they are fine
I said, talk to yourself
Alone they're just fine

Fickle me, sick of these nickels and dimes
I do less to change me, I'm just here to die
Hoping she finds me, impossibly fine
Told her I am okay, please, leave me inside
I just need some rest, I woke up real tired -
Really, dont worry - I'll see you tonight.
Smile for the camera, make sure it's wide
Pain in my chest, says 'I hate you- you liar'
Context, I can't stress it's leftover pride
Dinner, I missed it - still dishes seem higher
Can't seem to fix this so I set that aside
Retire, required to drop her a line
- no less than two texts 'I love you' I find
Is best to send first, as to fetch no reply -
Give her a bit, or maybe, a while
Next I send 'raincheck, I promise' this time
I've run out of reasons, believe me - I'm trying
Though everything hurts, it was worthwhile for mine
Blinds are low so I'm alone -
So sorry while I hide
Unattached, i forgot her laugh
Imagine my surprise -
She texts me last 'I love you back.
Sweet dreams and good night'
Too late for me to tell the truth
Much less make things right
Tomorrow, maybe, compose some peace of mind
Messy blessings, unattended still alive
& a loss I couldn't stand to lose, please, let me down to die
None can change the face  I see when looking her eyes
& I fear her near me - alone, just her and I
Would only bring her close to me - my pain, my claims, insane we'd try
Better left unsaid I guess, even if only for tonight

It's getting hard to breathe
- anxious thoughts I wish they'd stop
Put this pen to bed
Admit I've got to talk
With someone in a position
To finally make a diagnosis
Instead I write about it
Ashamed to really show it
Lousy me, I claim to grow
I dissect my life, my mess
In to pieces I can chew
Today I can't digest
So, i just write the same old tune
No poetic message here
No blessings seen or sent
No tears, no smiles
Just hopes in time, time finally helps

Mercy please -
I pleaded as if I believe
A God could care less
Of whom I have left
Why (much less, yet, if) I breathe
What's worse, when I dream -
It's cruel as can be, I see
A world in which you never left
(Where our eyes might meet but we don't get to speak)
Then that stupid, beautiful pain when I awake
Somehow suprised each and every time (perhaps this is mercy)
I take it back - sorry I asked
No mercy for me
The liar. The fool.
Ironic I swear it
I hate sleep and wear it
On my sleeve
Right next to where
My heart used to be

Wooden matches
Gas in plastic
Watch the flame
No one came
Willful chaos
Quick silent seance
Mr Burn his fear
And so,
In turn, he knows -
No man hurts alone
Still,
Ties elastic
Melt while
Dire ashes
Carry away
Everything
Until
Everything's gone
Except the burns
We share