I'm not gonna title a sad playlist sad
I'm not gonna show it when I cry
Or when I feel

There is just something special
When they say your name
Not just good night
Or good morning
Not like they are addressing many people
It's when they say goodnight to
you
Good morning to
you
Have a good day to
you
Love, you

That's when my heart starts beating more than is safe

That feeling
That reason why you don’t move
Why you don’t look up
Take your nose out of the book
The reason why you zoom to the next class with your head down
Talking to nobody but yourself and your tortured thoughts
The tightness in your chest
The terrifying feeling
When someone approaches you
The relief and heavy breath out
Like the release of a balloon
When you realize they were heading toward someone else
The
          Thoughts
Just
      Don’t
Stop
Everything
Becomes a struggle
A big mission on what path to take
With the least people
The least amount of eyes staring and mouths talking
You assume they are talking about you
You are terrified
Have to get out
You walk fast
To your little hideaway
Your safe haven for now
But you can never hide away from the real cause
The real reason
You realize as a tear runs down your red
frightened face
You can’t run away
Anymore

I don't know what to do
We gather, we eat
There's a candle with her picture
I don't know what to do
I haven't done this before
What do I do
The one person who would know
Isn't here anymore
So,
All I can do now
Is ask,
Where did you go?

The way you crack your neck
Fix your hair
The way you
are so nice
unlike the others
The way you make everyone laugh
without even trying
When I look at you from across the room
My heart melts
My heart is the beating bass drum to a song
I fill with hope
Delight
Confusion
Confliction
Fright
Sadness
Misery
I want you
More than you know
I want to look behind my shoulder
secretly
at you
But I can’t
Not with everyone watching
Not with you noticing
You are addicting
You are my drug
You
Are
My
Sin
That makes me feel every emotion
Every sensation
You are my
conflicting feelings
Then you leave
And move on to your next victim
You are the one that keeps me from my happiness
Confuses me
Although
Somehow
I listen to my heart
Ignore my common sense
And can’t help
Falling for you
And your ways

The whispers
The laughs
The names
The jokes
The speculations and guesses
They talk about you
They are shocked when you speak
They think you are weird
For being quiet, kept to yourself
The lockers talk
Earbuds in
Head down
Nose in a book
Mad face drawn
It works, they stay away
They don’t approach
Ignoring the quiet judgment
You are almost there
To the peaceful relief of the quiet corner in the library
Where nobody goes
The rows of books, other lives you get to live
Because you would rather live in those than your own
People talk
You ignore it
You are used to doing so
You don’t care anymore because
You realized a while ago that
Sometimes it could be a luxury
To be a nobody.

I told you in confidence
My heart
         s
  a
       n
k
When I heard you speak
I thought I could trust you
But you revealed my secret
It lifted so easily from your lips
Like a leaf, carried by the wind, so effortlessly
You have practiced this before