Been spending
my 20s learning
how to fight my ego
First, I was shown
how to love myself
But there was
someone else sitting there
Jeering at me,
showing me how ugly it is
so I learned the lead hook on LSD
And hit that monkey in the head
I saw him scamper away
in the corner
Of my periphery,
Leaving only the moon
to meet
I felt her soul kiss me
on the forehead --
My face in the picture frame half full --
Something I had never
felt before,
Self love was not about me anymore

Meanwhile,
As van gouh
Sliced his ear,
Satan started
As an angel and
Jesus was crucified.
Only immolation
Sets man free.

My heart cut out
on a silver platter
Medium rare glazed in nectar
Next to a side of yellow rice and peas
I believed in love until I met you
12,000 moons ago
And oh baby, I’d watch it
Cause my lips are looking for you again
But it’s too late
She shows her love
Face in the phone all day
Oh baby you should really pray
That you don’t love me no more
Cause if it you I’m writing about
as if you are gone
It is because Ive already
Done my grieving
I don’t want to drop the knife so
you probably shouldn’t fall in love with me
But if you have,
Love me like I’m already dead
tell me to come over at
Midnight during the mercury retrograde
To **** a melody in the cemetery
Talk to me like it’s our last argument
You had me caged in
The mirage of what we all
Could have been
But I’ll tell you
I’ve been feeling free
And all those things you said to me
The whiskey tears poured for you
The burns on my scalp
The scars on my neck
and my ears
my navel
Are funny
When I saw you yesterday talking to me
I could still see it,
glaring at my liver
Little monkey took a piece
Of my aorta in there
You scoundrels, give back my pain
All of my love was too much for you
And you tried to put us on trial
For dreaming, tried to lobotomize
My brain,
like Wonka’s factory
You stole fizzy lifting drinks
so you get nothing !!
But hey life is short,
Spin the wheel, win a prize
Take the scalpel, the buzz saw  
Even all your anesthesia
I love you but you and your buds
Already snatched my heart
Pinch by pinch with toenail clippers
as I sat alone
In this bed, that bench, the bus
Turnt out, cuddling the devil
Falling awake out of sleep
Hallucinating green hue
From blood loss, bleeding out
To fill your ******* cups
But please, take a seat, drink up
Hell with me is gonna be hell
And besides I wouldn’t feel it
In this life
Anyways

There is a certain stench people occupy
When they are severely wounded.
****, and **** and blood,
Perineum that has gone neglected,
Flesh literally being eaten alive;
The fumes of self abandonment,
All smell the same when someone is hurt,
And start to smell normal, after a while.
People make weird cries,
When everyone is asleep
To a God they never believed in
Or somebody, anybody.
A reverberation of an infant lost,
primality in the last hours
Reminds us we were always alone.
Pain unnecessary in nature
for the white Coats
don’t even know who they're helping.
A student’s peep in the door becomes
The equivalent of four months salary
Of a single black mother with a bad back
Three ******* children,
No belt around their waists,
Drinking herself to sleep every night,
anything to keep going,
Enough insanity to terrify satan himself.
Ignorance is bliss; but the truths such
Inhumanity unearth are asinine.
Now, or maybe always, being genuine
Has been ostracized; it is where generations are born.
Health experts turn their head to pure suffering
Because they have no health themselves.
Pure suffering is endorsed
By those who have never felt it,
Just because it is easier nowadays.
Nobody is sick, everybody is reacting
To the strength of your heart.
We wait, going through motions
For the next episode of a TV drama
That ***** on your life,
The glorification of the internal whirlwind
One can place upon their own psyche.
Those demons masquerading around with dopamine wands
And you wish to be like that.
Kindness can change hearts.
Now we need movies to show us
That having emotion is too extreme
To deal with.
Emotion is older than consciousness itself.
We have become afraid to love.
We have become afraid of ourselves.
We have become amnesic to the
Fact that we are indeed
God.

If you forget me sitting
In the park at dawn
To watch the sunrise by
Myself
Or  hold your heart
In a little black box
And swallow the key
If my inquiries
Are overshadowed by
Instagram
Or Netflix dramas portaying
Something you
Believe is only fairytale
And you bat my hand
When I try to touch
Your cheek
If I proclaim my adoration
And you are frightened
My heart will not weep
When the birds stop singing
And you cannot find
Your voice to sing with me
I will still love you

Your cheekbones Have me
Contemplating completely
Changing my heart beat

Hey all I know is
Sometimes love upsets wisdom
Nothing one can do

So let’s take a ride
Down old highway styx in hell
Hand in hand in hand

Let the Devil try
Cause we won't make it easy
To pull us apart

Unwind, call me yours
Love me like you love yourself
God is lonely too

MANIA

And I aint comin in to work
Tomorrow, boss man
Cuz I got demons calling
In my sleep and I dont
Know how to say it but
I pled insanity to break
It all open, pouring pain
Like molasses, tar and featherz.
Ain’t no shame in being a renegade

*

Hopped on the earliest bus
Across the country, or to him,
The world. Never to come
Back-- no regrets, no puppeteering
Regret is what took his soul the first time
But one thing, though
From a different world
Than himself -- kept the wonder
Of whether or not losing all
Of that pain
Was worth it
*
Amongst the mountains
And the forest, trees dwarfing
Skyscrapers. The sun, a mere
Compliment to the width of beauty.
“Its wonderful here, but you
Don't want to be here when
Something happens.
There’s a 9.8 earthquake coming you know?
It’s all lies, you know?
Fox News, politics,
All of it.  My word,
How did the pioneers do it?
20 miles a day on foot?”
Said the crazy old man
Brainwashed
By the truth, in the burger shop.
The splendors, frills of war
Freedom, disattachment, nirvana,
Whatever the ******* want to call it
Was overwhelmed by her scent

I met a father in myself
That i never trusted,
“Fists up, i don't want anyone
To see you.”  
I met the wife
I was beginning to know
“I really misjudged you this time”
I would love to think.
I held my unborn baby girl
With long black hair
Thin delicate appendages
In my arms
And standing beside me,
Silver whips flowing through
That same sea of black hair,
A mind so hypnotizing--
A slight brush of her skin,
One snap of her dark eyes,
How she reads through my mask
Like packing tape, a puzzle I
Have not solved yet.
Could make me jump into the sun itself.
Every body else became
A derelict, a passer by
Huddled up against a building
Sleeping their dreams away
On the side of the road
*
The glory and splendor of that life,
With all the *******,
All the fire held back behind her eyes--
(I see it, give it to me, I want it)--
Had become the purpose
The bouts of euphoria became
Abundant, the power of a quake itself.
Engulfing.
Now, truly the feeling
he had never met before.
It wasn’t lady lust at the door
This time, or a he or a she
For that matter, but the purpose.
Hypnotizing perfume radiates
from the possibility
That this time, it was real.
Because if she was different,
He had seen the foreign,
Without the boundaries of obligation,
Rather the duty of true freedom.
The bouts euphoria were
Unlike any other --
Overwhelming, overwhelmed,
in love

There is a black
Cat with no ears
That lives outside
Of my mother's
House
They say cold winter's
Subdues felines
Into losing their
Points as an
Evolutionary advantage
The cats of the Arctic
are like this
I give him tuna
And crab
And other leftovers
In a way he knows
It is from me
Before he would scamper
At the first sight
If my face,
Now he lingers around
As if to fill
Me in on what's new
Sometimes we sit
And stare at each
Other for hours
He hasn't
Let me pet him yet

It will get to a point
Men will eat their own faces
In pleasure
And give their brains
to their brother
With glee
One day, children
Will be born
Dead already
As mothers hang flesh
Like potpourri
Holy martyrs mourn through
Sons and daughters
"Oh please, we beg you!
Tell us what it means to be free"
It will be the end of bliss
Love is just phenylethylamine
So we dismiss the notion
Of Being seen
No pride in being able to cry
So please, sit down
Eat a piece of this
Zombie pie
The internal quake
Multiple compound breaks
Bones are brittle
They give, they take
Soon, we will lose our sense of touch
Soon, the river beds will develop sores
Soon, Dr Moreau will grow a brain from spinach tufts
Soon, breath will be regulated
By the FDA
Soon, you will sleep
So, while you're still awake
Don't be afraid
To lick the lollipops
Bleeding in the