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  Apr 2021 Jace
CrackedMoonboy
I have no clue what to do anymore. Cause I have lost everybody and they don't want to hear what I have to say and that does hurt.

I guess I have no purpose anymore and I care about everyone but I don't think they do, so yeah this my life and I am living it. although I wish I had just one person to talk to but I
have lost all of that and I can't see my life doing any better than it is now.
I regret all of this and fixing this is not a alteritive
Jace Apr 2021
Idk
Constantly churning changing
Waiting
Always abating arranging
Debating
Forever flipping floundering
Hating
Waiting
Jace Apr 2021
None for breakfast
None for lunch
Only at dinner
Because you dragged me
  Apr 2021 Jace
CrackedMoonboy
One of the most wonderful
things in life is stars

The seem so far
people see the beauty

And they aren’t wrong
but underneath the light

There’s hurt but they are so bright
you can’t even see

Though they are strong they learn
to work, work on them self

So then they are stronger
and they live longer
I am working on myself so I can get out of he and see my friends and family
  Apr 2021 Jace
Jaicob
Pain wracks my fragile bones.
Everything hurts me,
So please, please don't
Come close or touch me.

I can't look at my body
Because it isn't what I want.
I know it's selfish, you see,
But it's a paper without a font.

My skin is a tapestry of
Beauty and pretty and all
In the perfect girl you'd love,
But guys: absolutely appalled.

Nothing matched on me-
I'm the missing left sock,
My bones' rattle is all I'll be
Until I take the final walk.
Just another day of being awake at 0300 and being unable to go back to sleep... Dysphoria knocks to the ground my mortal frame, shaking and quaking with power (or lack thereof).
Jace Apr 2021
On the top of the highest cloud it feels like you couldn’t possibly get knocked down, higher than life, higher than pain, higher than anything that bothers you from day to day-unbreakable.

At the bottom of the deepest well it feels like you’ll never be pulled out again, lower than sadness, lower than anger, lower than anything that could possibly hurt you-empty.

On solid earth it feels like no one can see you, that you’ll never reach up, only fall down, so mediocre you’re falling all ready-that feeling of everybody hates me.

The worst is the fall from the highest cloud to the lowest trench in the earth, when your hope drops so low it’s nonexistent-you’re completely alone.

The second worst it’s the fall from cloud to earth because the disappointment is suffocating, the hatred physically hurts there’s no ladder back up-only a fall further down.

That cloud is the most dangerous place, a place of perfection and wishes and unrealistic hope so that anywhere else is soul crushing and painful.

Earth is the worst because of the pain, the ability to feel and the fault and the blame, the friends who leave and you can’t make them stay-that’s worse than the well because it’s a never ending game

At least the well is permanent, you know what to expect although you feel lost and alone and dead, it’s easier to make sure that you’re alive than is to cope with pain and anger and strife

Personally the well is my favourite, the only ambition is inevitable so there’s no disappointment, the only thing the well wants from you is death and all you want is to do just that.
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