I wanted to be saved
                   I craved
              a connection,
            a love I could trust
Blinded by obsession
      twisted to tension
Was love meant to be lust?

Begging you to stay
             was a chase
             with trip wires
How a match that's burnt out
             can't start fires
fingerprints singed from the tries
does numbness inspire?

Smoke was a haze
that surrounds you
Consumed in the fumes
        It allures you
If you don't look down
                   the ground, betrays you
                      Love was a maze

A rainy day
left me ashes
the wind icy, circling past us
        I was wrong all my life
             On love and on loss
              I never knew loss until I met you
        Losing means nothing without love
    And our love meant nothing without loss

Love is a street lined with oak trees
Branches like hands holding leaves
               Cradling flowers in spring
Love is a street,
       it goes two ways
              Stretches horizon to horizon
                       Travels East to West
                         and sunrise to sunset

is a concept
that I've been trying to constrain
into rigid lines
trying to explain
and define
like trying to collect water with your hands
it falls right through the cracks
or like trying to redirect
a forest fire

I wanted love to be
B L A C K and W H I T E
I wanted to make it make sense
like trying to make concrete
from a substance that would never set

"LOVE" I've dissected the word all my life
turning it over and over in my mind
it was a feeling I could hold, that would never fill my heart
it was a blanket I could fold, that would never wrap me in its warmth

"LOVE"
      the yearning itself
          ate me up
              from the inside out

I wanted someone
I wanted anyone
But when I met you I wanted it to be you

his secrets
are like ocean foam
rising to the surface
and she tries to breathe
as if it's air

her worries
are like the ocean floor
sinking further down
and he wont touch them
however deep he goes

his secrets
are like ocean foam
hushing with the waves
drowning out the noise
that rings in her ears

juvenile analogies
an attempt to make it clearer
my reflection in the water
is why i cant look in the mirror

his secrets
are like ocean foam
bubbles on the shore
and he tries to keep them
white like lies

her worries
are like the ocean floor
pressure gets to her head
he could swim forever
wouldn't make a dent

overwritten concepts
fears i shouldn't say
bury my head in the sand
until it goes away

What are the symptoms of love?
Was it the lifted feeling in my heart when he said my name?
Was it the red flushed in my cheeks when he called me pretty?
Was it the butterflies in my stomach when he talked to me?
Was it the way he would smile and look off to the side,
not his picture smile, it was natural, real
Was it the way he could make me laugh, like nobody else?
Was it the bouquet of roses he bought for my birthday,
he never told me how much he paid for them…
Was it the inside jokes nobody else understood?
Was it the late texts on his computer when he didn’t have his phone?
Was it the long calls, hours, that never felt long enough?
Was it the easy days, when I painted his nails at lunch
or when I helped him with a project so he didn’t fail
Was it the soccer games I went to to watch him play?
What are the symptoms of love?
Was it the dance, or was it prom he never asked me to?
Was it the day he searched everywhere to make sure I was okay?
when he asked me on a date to make it up to me
Was it the way he couldn’t stand to see me cry?
Was it the way he couldn’t stand to see me angry?
“Are you mad at me?” It was always “are you mad at me?”
I was never mad. Disappointed, hurt, anxious, scared. But never mad.
Tell me, what are the symptoms of love?
Was it the lies he told to keep me happy?
Was it me being naive, him being immature?
Was it me asking too many questions, him never knowing the answers?
Was it the song I wrote for him that he never got to hear?
Was it the song he wrote for me, that he denied, deleted
as if it never existed, as if he never said those words
But I never forgot, I still remember, I wish he did too
Did I ever even matter?
How did he move on so quickly?
Even now, I still have questions.
Even now, he still doesn’t have the answers.
So I’ve learned to stop asking.
But really, what are the symptoms of love?
Was it the fragility at the beginning?
Was it the tension at the end?
Was it him doing everything not to hurt me,
but hurting me anyways?
Was it the fear of losing the only one we ever wanted to stay,
and losing each other anyways?

Lines on the corners of my mouth
From how much you made me smile today
Will they fade?

Lines at the edges of my lips
Will you kiss them one day?
Or will they fade?

Lines on the corners of my mouth
I trace my fingers over them in the mirror
I want them to stay

Lines at the edges of my lips
Lines like valleys, my tears like the rain
I want you to stay

Lines on the corners of my mouth
From how much we laughed today
I have you, you're right here
And you have me, I'm yours

But the lines at the edges of my lips
They fade, like you always do
And I'll wait, like I always do

My eyes wait for the morning
To see you
So I can smile, so I can laugh

But my heart waits for the impossible
For you to love me
For you to miss me
For you to miss the lines on the corners of your mouth
Like I miss mine

My wolf
You bit me
Under a full moon
And I didn't turn
I stayed human
Scars in my arms
Blood dripping from my wrists
I fell to the forest floor
And cried

I hear the beating of my heart
Like the beating of a drum
And the pounding in my head
Like the pounding of my steps
Mundane rhythms in my body
Reminding me I’m alive, still breathing
I hear the ringing in my ears
Like a song going static on the radio
I hear the beating of a heart
Like the beating of a drum
It’s the first sound that greets me in the morning
It’s the last sound that lulls me to sleep at night
The beating of my heart like the beating of a drum
Reminding me I’m alive, still breathing
One day I wish to forget
One day I wish my body could go still
One day I wish my mind could go quiet
But for now I pound my head so it synchs up with my footsteps
And I beat my drum, along to the beating of my heart
Body’s grown numb to the rhythm
Until the moment my hands go cold
And the drumming slows down
And I never again have to hear that awful sound of the beating of my heart
Like the beating of a drum