it is a long road,
you must be bold
ive been told
but nights are cold
and im loosing my hold

ive been before
many times
what wonderful place
the other side

every visit
adds a digit
another mile
without a smile

id like to reside
but terrified
if even to make it back
to the other side

Dear ex,

Sometimes when the sky is blue
I would be reminded of you
all the 'I love yous'
and the 'i miss yous'
that we shared
as we stare into each other's eyes
with a smile danggling on our lips.

and when the rain pour
I'll be reminded of the day
when you showed up in front of my door
drenched by the rain
eyes mirroring the pain
and never did you hesitate
to part your lips and say
let's break up


Now,

what used to be us
has now become you and me
what used to be we
has now become you and him
what used to be a team
has now become nothing more than a dream
we are nothing more than strangers
stealing glances at each other

your soul is scattered
while mine contained
you bare your heart out
and love everyone with all that you can
while i am friendly and kind
but too afraid to love the people i care about
fearful that they'll hurt me.

i need to be more like you
more brave and fearless
i need to take the chances
i need to appreciate the sun on my face
not hide in the shade
accept the heat and the pain.

it's time to live my life and let it hurt me
i surrender.

i'm ready to scatter my soul.

Under the train station from across the road
one musty midnight after a late dinner, I saw him.
He was alone. He watched jeepneys pass by. He
stared at the road. He remained still when
the other workers walked past him.
He held a 7-up or maybe a Mountain Dew
by the bottleneck & brought it to his lips to drink.
He was sitting on a stool too small for him
& so his legs were spread open.
He put his free hand on his knee, in between
fingers an almost finished cigarette.
His work suspenders glowed under the
plastic fluorescent light of Althea’s burger shop,
& beneath he wore a red shirt that
fastened his torso tight. When it was time to
ride my jeepney home, I looked at him for a moment
before getting on, & it could be that
he looked right back. When we
moved forward I tried looking again
but saw he was looking somewhere else.

Manila, 2018

mirror    my face where I left it


leaves blowing into a sentence


mist,
******* on the line


in the doll's
head
news clippings


in the heat
admiring the shade in the blouse


face wrapping a champagne glass


a moment in the box of jade


in the temple
a
heartbeat


touching the ashes of my father



day darkens    in the shell


a fin
grazing on restless stars


the priest
                   his shadow caught
            on the nail


                JANUARY FIRST
      the fingers of the ******* cold


       i end in shadow

if the feeling is all of myself
and to be young is to be alone
then i will be alone
there is nothing about me that is growing old
though time would disagree
i will not accept anything less
there is no generation to which i belong
except the one that spans my past and my future
when my body existed
because that is the only life my blood can warm
but the bridge i have built
is the one that requires no beginning
or end
i have time for nothing else
except to cross without remorse
or regret
about what i discover about myself
and choose to tell you my love

It was the end of our days,
The closure of olden ways,
A real vintage train,
Souvenir of a passing parade,
A blast from the past,
We cheered as it rolled on, at last,
Shall we see those days again?
The revival of steam trains,
No, it was all part of change,
It was the end of our days,
The closure of olden ways.......