finally it's spring
the trees are coming back to life
so am I

I found a little green leaf today
I feel life all around me

more flowers
and dandelions along the sidewalks

there's no wishes for me
to wish for

I stay hopeful
for anything anywhere

can't reach high enough
even when I felt so down

I live in such a blue world
the living and dead
so cold

you're so cold
like Neptune

yes
no

I don't trust you
wish you were a little more honest

so
hopeless

you turn everything against you
when everyone is on your side

I can't lie
I wish I didn't have to keep you high

you paint me blue
my new favorite color

everything I do is for you
it's all for you everything I do

in rotation
so slow

you're so beautiful
so cool

all I want to be
hiding in darkness

I know you'd buy me the whole world if you could
but you can't afford it

I'm stuck with you
miles away or face to face
you'll always haunt me
you act nice to get what you want

I can't forget you're all I had
really felt like I had no one

you were there
still you were no one

you didn't know how to care for me
how was I supposed to care about you

it's harder these days
we pretend
I didn't hear you say
all those things

you wanted to die
I wanted to **** myself

you loved a psychotic man
I'm scared of men coming close to me

what happened
did we make those things happen
did I watch it all happen

silent
you were always on the phone
I'd drink all alone

I wanted to cry
in the mornings when you were so depressed
you couldn't talk or move

I was so tired
of seeing you hate our home

I was hateful
we never had a home

I don't think I'll ever see you again
stop asking me

you messed me up in more ways than I can count

I'm not regretful
I'm not angry
anymore

I still love you
it's the worst part

it's the most painful

to love you
after all the **** we went through

you control me
manipulate me

I'll love you
like a fool

bleeding on the floor
it was your
it was my fault

I haven't seen you months
do you still hide the beer at the bottom of the fridge

how does it feel

is it lonely
is it quiet

so oblivious
people like you will never know

Let me stand
gently
in the sun

and I will enjoy every moment of it

Let me hear
so sweetly
the birds that sing
and I won't ask for another moment
such as this

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

Inside
I am a pirate reckless
A six foot seductress,
snake lithe
And a five year old child
Consumed with delight
At the funny tilt
Of a cat's ears.
This shell
Is quasimodo
A regret
Unfit muse
To epic's knight
But inside
Inside,
I am dew, I am air, I am love, I am light.