Did you ever feel guilty at night for hurting me?

"Babe,do you know how much i love you?"* He asked.
"Not as much as i do" she smiled.

I heard my pillow say something
"Did he do that again?
I nodded
"And you forgive him that easy?"
"It's easier to forgive than to let him go" i said.
*"Well, i know he's a toxic but sometime we crave drugs in case we want to be high. And I feel like i'm flying when im with him."

There's something in me that feels so hollow.
When i got home i used to be so amused because i can't help to tell how's my day to you. How it started really boring because i couldn't get the seat in bus and how my mom was blaming me for things that my sister did.
But now, when i got home, i just sit in my bed rewind all those things we used to do, searching where did i do wrong?

It get worse day by day.

I never stopped hoping that one day you will knocking at my door saying you're sorry for everything you did and you miss me.
And tonight, i gazing at my door hoping you will show up with that sad smile face you had.

I know you hated me for making things looks so major than it has to be. But i really not ready for this situation,you left me without a single warning. So now i'm in hurry to get a help. So sorry

I found you look really calm, are all we had is too heavy for you? So you've already let it all go?

do you remember the stories i told you? The one that i have to stand still in bus like for 2 hours because of the traffic jam? I told you that i'm so weary that day, but hey, i didn't know the day without speaking to you is more exhausting than that.

But i have to let go,life is moving forward.
Before you walk away, i just want to say, thankyou for stopping by.

Unfortunately im the type of girl who's going complicated your life.
Because i can be so selfish and depress you at the same time.
I won't tell you what's wrong but get angry so easily if you have no idea what is happening.
I will cry over things that not even worth a word.
I swear,i will stay being mute if you're not trying to bring my mood back. There's no excuse if you don't even know the reason is.
I will say 'its okay' and smile even though it's killing me inside.
I will feel the pain i get until i kind of used to it.
I just dont wanna fake anything around you.
Maybe this is sound insane,but i refuse to be with you unless you realize that staying together is hard no matter what.
I refuse to be with you unless you're stubborn as **** -- stubborn enough to stick around me no matter how worse things get.
I refuse to be with you unless you refuse to accept that we're not tottaly worth it.