The past is my poetry
and my foolishness, my fuel
I loved with hope
I loved with joy
I loved with all my heart
I played an open hand

and lost.

I stood up again.
and lost again
to the simple smile

a smile so beautiful
so innocent
and yet so dreadfully deceiving
sparking a sense of hope
for hopeless love.

But I was a fool
Walking into a cave of cruelty
stuck in a prison of pain
And I didn't run
I waited.
Smiling and hoping for love

blinded by hope
blinded by "love"
my mind froze
while the seasons passed

The way I loved you
was unhealthy
corrupting the very core
of my character
it melted my loving heart
leaving only a puddle of tears

I still love you. I do.
but the way I love you
has changed.
I no longer hope.
Instead, I walk
with my head held high
granting my heart
to those who deserve it.

One* I love, and one loves me.
I would give the one all my time.
But the second one I refuse to see.
Love is not fair and Love does not care.

But I wish it really was...I wish it really did.

Please little heart
in my chest
You don't you have to
please him
for the rest of your life
He is no god
He is no angel
He is just a mortal man
But still he touch my heart
like no one ever could
oh please little heart forget him
for the sake of both of us.

It's night and I am to wonder
What is this sinister madness?
shocking me like thunder
an unexplainable sadness!
Sadness from sheering silence
Erasing all hope and guidance.

I wonder. But find no reasons
Why this sadness is needed
and like spiritual dry seasons
Wither the joy I once seeded
Drained and bleak, but why?
Sadness and silence, no reply.

Time passes days and weeks
I am still with no explanation
And when the sun finally peaks
I feel this relieved sensation
But why did the sadness go?
why did it come? *I don't know.

In public I act independent
No need for care or attention

But in privacy I pray for your love...