Sabrina

Sabrina Oct 2019

crushes

will i ever be good enough
will he ever notice me
maybe feel the same way?
or am i forever stuck in my same ways
of daydreaming
that maybe one day
i'll mean something
to him

#depression #anxiety #love

Sabrina Sep 2019

i'm sorry, dear

i don't really know why this started
the happy go lucky girl i once was
feared almost nothing
yeah she was glowing
until the darkness came in blowing
blowing out what once was
now who i used to be
is barely inside of me
only the memories of her
remain inside
the pictures will help you remember
i can't love
i can't do anything right
i can't hide
from the demons inside
so all i do is sit
quietly and wait
until they get bored
and dissipate
though it's only temporary
you love me
at least i think
i don't know why you want me
i say i don't like anyone
but why does it make me feel sick to my stomach
thinking of you with anyone else
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but why can't i afford to lose you?
whatever good was left in me
that year
i fear he took it all with him
now all that's left is anger within
self-hatred and fear for letting anyone in
but i think i do love you
you hate him for what he's done to me
so i'm sorry about the demons inside
that simply won't let me be
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but i really can't afford to lose you
i can't do anything right
i don't really wanna die
but i want this bad feeling to go away inside
i'm scared of myself at times
but you hate the fear in my eyes
i don't know why
why, do you want to make me alright?

#love #depression #anxiety #selfhate

Sabrina Aug 2019

im sorry

i dont know whats wrong with me
the thought of you with someone else
makes my stomach turn
makes me want to cry
but i say i don't love you
i don't want to date you
i don't want to date anyone
so why do i want you to only
look at me that way

#anxiety #depression

Sabrina Aug 2019

confession

i dont know
whats wrong with me
why do i wish to express that im kinda sad
but dont want you to question it
why dont i want you to worry?

#anxiety #depression #self #hate

Sabrina Jun 2019

sorry about her

Remember that little girl?
So happy-go-lucky
Would do a little twirl
In her fluffy pink princess dress
Never had a reason to get upset
Well I'm sorry to say that she's long gone
Ran away
Now the girl that took her place loves dusk and dawn
That little girl is dead
Are you proud of what I am?
Are you proud of what I've become?
The little girl who acted like the morning sun
Look at the monster she is
Let her voice raise cause she can't keep it inside any longer
The little girl you once knew is no longer

Used to help her parents with everything
A hug and a kiss
An "I love you"
She never felt anything but happiness
So darling what happened that year?
What made the reality of the world become oh so clear?
I'm sure everyone remembers her
So clearly
Look at what she's become
This monster has become an eclipse
Blocking that morning sun

Look at the world they've created
Now I think they seem to hate it
As she'll march along
Trying to still be strong
She'll wear her big brave face
But inside that little girl is asphyxiated
What happened?
Do you miss her already?

Naive little girl
Saw nothing wrong with the world
Grew up to be
The one who's writing this poetry

Remember that little girl?
So happy-go-lucky
Would do a little twirl
In her fluffy pink princess dress
Never had a reason to get upset
Well I'm sorry to say that she's long gone
Ran away
Now the girl that took her place loves dusk and dawn
That little girl is dead
Are you proud of what I am?
Are you proud of what I've become?
The little girl who acted like the morning sun
Buried deep within the deepest parts of me
But I haven't forgotten her, please just trust me
I won't let you down
Are you proud of who I am?
Are you proud what I can do?
I'm sorry about the little girl they all once knew

#depression #anxiety #change #anger #crazy

Sabrina May 2019

Dear Auntie <3

Bite your tongue
No one wants to hear your mouth run
Always being over dramatic
We've all had it
Up to here with you
Your words fuel my anger
Makes me a danger
Maybe you calling his girlfriend a ****
Is the reason he disowned you
Maybe his anger really did click
You tryna finesse
Trying to get up in his business
Is the reason he'll spit in your face
Call you a disgrace
Bite your tongue
I would call you a lady
But you're more of a baby
Acting like the ******* victim every second
Every day
Go cry to the ashes in the bedroom
Do you think he's proud of you?
I'm sure my dear ol' cousin don't want his kid around you
Give her some good influences
Not some 60 year old lady
Who cries and trashes others like a baby
Grow the hell up
Before I staple your tongue,
Thanks for everything you've done
The money you've gave, but I won't forget this
Don't really give a **** if you're an elder
Hide under your children like a shelter
Playing the victim
Maybe evict us
Gave you so many ******* chances, Auntie
Bite your tongue
Cause I think you should be the one on the run.

Having family issues w/ my aunt playing the victim and my cousins ******* on my mother and oldest brother

#family #anger #fear

Sabrina May 2019

sensitive ears

Stop the yelling
Stop the swearing
I can feel my tear ducts burning
We live in a house
Food and care
Driven everywhere
But how come I live in constant fear
Of the raising of voices
Up in here?
Stop the yelling
Stop the swearing
Can't we all just get along?
I can feel my sanity dropping
Maybe when I move out
My sanity won't be in a drought

whats the name of the phobia for the fear of loud noises/yelling
also everything is ok i just get upset over simple callouts even if it's positive

#yelling #anger #idk #anxiety