Because of my darkness I shine.
Because of my scars I am beautiful.

I restarted my medication recently because I hit the worst depression episode of my life. It got so bad that I had planned out, with cold, hard rationale, how I was going to **** myself.

The medication is helping somewhat. But it's also making me feel numb. I don't feel positive emotions anymore, if I feel anything it's the depression. I feel like an empty husk floating through life.

I don't want to live like this, I don't want to take the medication if this is how it's going to make me feel. However, I can't fight this alone. I don't know what to do.

Wish I could disappear
Been in the worst major depressive episode of my life this past month. I am triggered easily and I have so much anger and frustration and sadness I don’t know where to channel it all. I’ve lost 15 pounds according to my scale. Wondering if maybe I’ll just eventually shrivel up to nothing and disappear. What a relief it would be. #Depression #Suicide

My depression get the best of me
Long nights I don’t rest or sleep
Jaw tight as I compress my teeth
Digest the devil pressin me
Repress the stress that rest in me
Death don’t ever pester me
Life brings on all the pressure see
I can’t even measure the little pleasures
why can’t I just Rest In Peace
I strive to never take my life
Hear voices from a gun and knife
Fake light for when my dark nights strike
But **** the light, give me a ladder
I’d rather fight and climb back to the surface
Search through all my pain for purpose
Learn to deal with the hurt and worthless
Help others in similar circumstances
Gives them chances in advance
To never glance on suicidal’s dance
#f ;ghter

Living with mental illness makes almost every single day a battle. Will we wake up and handle our stress or will our brains completely derail and make us want to give up? Will today be a good day or will we fall closer to rock bottom again?

We KNOW we have everything to live for (kids, family, friends, great jobs, etc.) and we ARE grateful for those amazing fortunes...but something always haunts us. We are always fighting to stay on top and to control how our emotions flow out. There is always a fear, however small and maybe even subconscious, that today could be the day that breaks us or that we fall back down from however far we've climbed. Its a constant, conscious effort to survive, let alone thrive. Some days are easier than others. Treatment and/or therapy helps, but we're never "cured". The demon can be tamed but never exorcised. This is us.

We are mothers, fathers, friends, coworkers, siblings, sons, daughters. We smile through pain. We cling to the smallest hopes and continue to climb.

So show some compassion. Give hugs and high fives when you're having a good day. Check on your friends who may be slipping. Help them up. Show them you care, don't just tell them. You could be the light in someone's darkness that brings them back to life. #Depression #Anxiety #Suicide #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe

The kids these days are cutting
They smile but feel nothing

The teens these days are starving
Their invisible wounds are scarring

They all are filled with self-hate
Because they feel like a waste of space

They lie awake all night crying
They say they're fine but are lying

Each day they feel like hiding
Because each night they dream about dying

They all fear they're seeking attention
Fighting a battle they dare not mention

But the parents never wonder
And the teachers never question
That maybe all the kids these days
Are suffering from depression

I saw the pain in her eyes
she was hurt and broken
no one cared did they
They snickered
They judged
They talked
They bashed
Until that one day
That one day
After 4 years of abuse
She was found dead
Hung
She had killed herself






( Comment if this has happened to someone you know or you?

I loved her...
Her hair
Her eyes
Her body
Everything
She was special
She was unique
I wanted to tell her
But she was one of my best friends
I told Erin and chloe and everyone else
I hope she reads this I hope she knows
That I love her very dearly

I was looking at old pics of ours.
The memories we shared
The way we used to share our life
That way in which you cared
I want those days back in our lives
Without you I can't suffice
Coz I miss you my old best friend
Please come back to me

I'm in love with a girl.
She is so beautiful and so amazing
But she is also one of my good friends
It's hard to see her everyday
Knowing that I love her.
I hope she see's this I want her to know she make me happy she makes me who I am

Dear whoever reads this,

There is nothing for me here.I don’t want to go on. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much. And I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

Everyone say that you are meant to feel safe whenever you go to school. I don’t I have to work into expecting to get bullied and get **** written on the wall about me. I feel like no one loves me not even my own family. Death doesn’t even want me and that’s saying something.

I wish it was just as easy as saying One, Two, Three and I’d be gone.

I made so many memories with my friends and my family.
But this period of time has just been so ****. My family has started to fight more and has started to hate me more. As I sit in class wondering what I’m going to do at recess. Oh no that’s right I have to hide in a ******* bathroom to eat my food because I’m afraid what people are going to think about me.  

It *****… It really does… I’ve put my family through a lot… Maybe that’s why they hate me because I’m a fat, ugly, waste of space that no one wants.

I hate being judged I hate not having clothes that fit me and having to wear the same clothes for at least 2 weeks straight. I’m always going to school and getting letters home saying you owe the school more than $800. Dad says he is going to sort it out he’ll find the money but he never will. I’ve had all these thoughts pile up in my head now that I can’t even think anymore… I want it to stop.
I need it to stop cutting myself everyday is not just enough I need to go deep or hang myself or I could try overdosing again. Whatever I decide I know it’s for the best… I’ll miss you guys so much…Things just seemed to go too wrong too many times

Goodbye,
Hannah Field

Dear Dad,
I’m sorry I continue to disappoint you, I’m sorry I’ve changed. I wish we could rewind. I love you death and I will still love you after. But I just couldn’t do it anymore. Everyday became harder and harder(hey at least there will be two positives to my death your smokes will still always be there and you don’t have to put up with me always getting suspended and fighting you) I know you can’t understand and I don’t expect you to. And I don’t know what else to tell you expect I really am sorry but I know you won’t believe me. I’m sorry…

Maybe in the world of Emojis
They laugh at their ignorance
Every time we send smiley faces
with sad intentions
We no longer laugh like humans
we just imagine laughter

Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with a color.

















Red...

I wrote your name in the sky
But the wind blew it away
I wrote your name in the sand
But the waves washed it away
I wrote your name in my heart
And forever it will stay

Sometimes you tell someone to never call you again, and then the phone rings and you hope it's them

I think of my best friend and know that she is the person who will be there for me, even when I can't be here for myself who will CHEER me to my greatest heights and who will console me when I've fallen down. She will STAND UP for me and LIE DOWN beside me. She will FORGIVE me when I've hurt her and will occasionally, even bite her tongue when she could have easily said " I TOLD YOU SO"

I have nobody except you
But sometimes you just made me feel like
I'm just another girl
That kiss and tell
But ****
I need to talk to someone
Can't you see
That I have nobody
That I'm lonely
That I only accompanied
By my own thoughts
And sometimes
There Trying To **** You

If wild my breast
I bask in dreams in suicide
If cool my heart and high my head
I think how lucky are the dead

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I really like garlic bread
I don't know how to rhyme

We're suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids suicide is not the answer.

Roses are red, Violets are blue
If he's busy on vd
The side chick is you

Roses were red
Violets were blue
But now all flowers are dead and soon I will be too.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
****, I don't know how to continue bye

You get hurt by people you don't even like
What you should know
You're wasting your emotion when you should be listening
cold wind blow holding hands with someone new
By the big old fellow ocean

It takes courage to turn your back on the shore
Of a luring promise
The safe land of strain and sacrifice
Leading you astray on an empty quiet
But the place that you seek is an sea of delight
and only a joyful heart
will make a port in you
The heaven of happiness

I'll draw you a picture
I'll draw it with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor
I'll draw it on my wrist
If I do it correctly
A red fountain will appear
To take away my pain
To wash away my fear

Train tracks and train lines is what I see
No obvious sign to stop me
One line crossed,
Another one stepped over
One gone right,
The other gone left
Lost in direction
No comfort or protection
Two more lines crossed
Another stepped over
Red rain drops now fall,
I'm now able to see them all
One more line to cross
No more to step over
Time to watch the rain fall
Fall on to each and every track
Train tracks and train line is all I see

We stopped checking under our bed for monsters
When we realized they were inside us

Silly little girl
Don't fool yourself
They've seen your scars
Just don't want to help
Little do they know
How much it could change
With three little words
" Are You Okay"

When I saw your body for the first time
I realized how war torn you were
how many you battles you lost
on your wrists
on your thighs
how many fires occurred
on your sides
your lovely sides
and how many times I told you
I loved you because I do
because no matter how many times
you have lost the battle
you will always win the war

Sitting all alone with a broken heart
broken hopes broken spirits
everything is broken
why did you ruin everything?
what did I do wrong
I wanted to give my love
But all I did was lose my best- friend
and everything I love

When I'm gone what will you do
Who will write and draw for you?
Someone smarter- Someone new
Someone Better- Maybe YOU!!!

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

I loved her
but then she cut to deep
And then she was fighting for her life
She lost
Now i don't wanna be with anyone else
Only her,
so i just plan one more week
Then we'll be together forever
Me and my love
How stupid she was
I don't want to go so early
But she is my life
I miss you baby

They say follow your heart... But what happens if your heart is in a million pieces what piece do you follow

I'm one bullet away from suicide
No one feels darker then me inside

I feel like everyone hates me. But it's okay I hate myself to

My heart has quit beating...
I have nothing else to share

Death is only the beginning is all she could say
as she cried sliding the blade
tears rolling down her fragile face
she was beaten hard out of her grace
heartbroken words written on her goodbye
This is her goodbye

A broken mirror
A bleeding fist
A sliver blade against my wrist
Tears falling down on lips UnKissed
Ignore her and she won't exist
She's not the kind you will come to miss

Doctor: She is dead
School:The fat one? Oh yeah she deserved it
Boyfriend: I didn't even like her
Friend: At least I don't have to pretend I like her anymore
Counselor: I had to many clients I have to deal with.
She made my job easier

Just a cut
Just a scratch
What's that Mark?
It was just the cat
Just an excuse
Just another lie
What's with all the bracelets
It's fashion why
Just a tear
Just a scream
Why are you crying?
Just a bad dream
But It's not just a cut
Or a tear or a scream
It's always just one more till you die...

So I grab the knife... Put it up to my wrist... Close my eyes... And just cut away!!!!!!

I take one good slice... So fast that I can't feel It... Till it's too late..............

I don't want you to save me...
I want you to stand by my side as i save myself

I want to die but no one will let me. Please let me go

You are a work of art
The thing you have been through
Make you more valuable