The thing is
I wouldn't blame her
If she grew up hating me
For staying how I am
I too find myself
Intolerable
Yet
Desirable
And
Impossible to learn from

Can't go a moment without saying
I am madly in love with all she is
And could be
But won't be
Because she and I both know
You can't please every need

Becoming who I am to you
Has made all the things I was to me
So minuscule
My life is now for giving thanks

Your happiness
Is everything
To me

She shook
Ever so slightly
Trembled and
Fumbled along
A single tear
Rolled down
Her cheeks
They didn't know
She was hurt
They didn't
The turmoil she felt
Inside of her
All they knew was
That even though
She had a sad family
She was the one to put smiles
On her lips , for them
Even if they were fake.
They will never know
What she went through
They will never know
The pain her tender
Heart had suffered
They will always think
What she made them think
She was the girl who smiled
The most.

The angels looked at me and whispered,
"No need to throw him in the Hell,
he already suffered a lot in his own
which he created or maybe the world did for him
but poor soul, look at all those burns."

I smiled at them for they did not know
my hell was my solace in the heaven
of the world.

Lavenders.
I looked at them and wondered
if I could ever touch them.
Lavenders.
I sigh
for they remind me of you.