I began in a garden
Where time, life, humanity started
Unformed dust
Flirted with pure waters
Muddy lifeless clay
With sticks and ribs
God molded His kids
Beloved, in Eden
You shall thrive and stay

When I was older
All the kids say
Sticks and stones will break my bones
But words will never hurt me
1 2 3 beware of their tricks
H-E-Double hockey sticks
Little do they know
When wide-eyed Eve heard the tone
Of the wicked seductive note
No stick or stone broke her bones
But words caused the death of humanity

God called for eviction
Sent an angel and flame
To block the entrance

Wandering through the heat and rain
Humanity lost their way
Only one path remains
To unshackle sin’s chains

I walk the narrow path
Followed His word
Fought spiritual attacks
But my Creator I did betray
Hilly, rugged terrain
Twisting my ankles
Scraping my feet
Left me tired and ******
Foraging among the beats

I stare off the trail
Enamored by the tales
Foretold by the snakehead
By a fallen angel I am misled
Bloodstains mark my tread
Metallic crimson red

Though my blood may drip
The promises of God do not chip
Jesus’ body does not slip
Into chaotic waters
And abandon His warships
Insane it is to think I could ever be the same
Once I let the bloodstain of Christ
Give hope to my pain  

The blood of the lamb
Who washes my feet
Rinses my flesh clean

Judgement day will come
Like a thief in the night
But Saints don't have fear
The Wicked alone cower and sneer
When the holiness of the lamb is near

Time will run its course
Marriage of God with the Righteous
Purity and Body will have *******
The Wicked alone God will divorce

Made one with Christ
He clothes me in white
He hands me a cup
And teary eyed cries,
“Beloved daughter
Drink from the fountain of life”

The clear blue water
Refreshing on my lips
Baptism penetrating my body
Resurrected, purified, holy
Angels sing in worship a refrain
“All glory to God
Father, Savior, Creator, Redeemer
We worship you
Glorify you
How you bless all your creatures”

Michael the Archangel
Stands as best man
Champagne glass in hand
“A toast to the bride
Beloved since the dawn of time.
Faithfulness was steadfast
Even though shaky at times.
She doubted, she wrested
She yelled, she cried
Yet humbled her pride.
Prayed the groom would mend
Her heart and her mind.
A toast to the groom
Who faithfully provides
A path in the wilderness
A lamp in the night.
Like fairytales and chick flicks
It was love at first sight
The groom pursued His bride
With all His grace and all His might.
Now they stand before us
In front of all the angels and Saints
To uphold the covenant
May we forever glorify His name.
Here we stand
Judgement day
The groom’s justice triumphs today.
May the bride and groom
Honeymoon forever
In this eternal city”.

Restored Jerusalem
Blushes with glory.
This is the last bride’s story.

I'm sinking farther into the sea
Air cut off, unable to breathe

But it's not all too bad
The water's warm
and the fish look nice

It's a shame I can only see this
By myself
at the end.

Innonence and sadness
No longer one
But often the other
Your music makes my heart
Desperately want to sing again
Speaks my fears
Makes melodies of my hopes
Produces the background music of my dreams
Innocence and sadness
No longer extremes
I swim in between
In the vast dark blue sea

"Hey babe" he says softly "why don't you stay the night?"
I can see his gentle blue eyes twinkle in the fire light
Both of us huddled under blankets
To shelter us from the crisp California breeze
On a foggy spring night
Giving him a smirk, with subtle sadness in my eyes
The kind I hope my mascara hides
Teasing him I answer "I can't"
"That's girlfriend privileges"
He looks down at the fire
Poking it with a tree branch, he nods
Looking back up at me his bright blue eyes piercing mine
He asks compassionately, "who hurt you?"
I break eye contact, wanting to answer honestly
But fiddling with the gold rings on my hands as I do
Spinning one round and round on my finger
"Several people.
Too many people."
He leans closer to me
I can feel his warmth
Smell the sweet musk of his cologne
He gently holds my hands in his
I stop fiddling with my rings
He glides the gold band slowly off my pointer finger
And delicately places it on my ring finger
"One day, I will make sure
The memories of you and me are the only ones that linger"

I only write poems when I'm manic
I collect words when I panic
Gather them up in a picnic basket
To spread them all out before me
On a rainy afternoon
But I am inside, you see
Where the rain can't touch me

I spread out my words
Like peanut butter and jam
Putting them together all over again

But now the bread's soggy
And the jam too is watery
My eyes drip liquid glass
Reflecting every part of me
The mania has ceased
My energy deceased
Sadness now caresses me
Exhaustion slipped inside of me
I guess even inside
Somehow the rain found me

When I was four
I was no longer an only child
the window-paned double doors to our home
now open to another smile
When I was four I met a baby girl
who's gonna wow the whole wide world
with the sass of her curls
and her charm and fake pearls
When I was four
I no longer had all the attention
your precious crying and laughter
deserved comprehension
When I four
I couldn't have known
how much love your squishy red cheeks
could tug out of my heart
When I was four
I didn't know how much my mental illness
would drag you down with it
When I was four
I didn't know how much I'd cry
wishing I hadn't made you feel heartbroken and alone
When I was four
I was so excited to be an older sister
I didn't know how much
I'd let you down
But when I was four
I had only a sliver of the love
that I have for you now
Almost two decades later
You have my whole heart
Happy birthday baby sister