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I took you out of notebooks, so that my heart could heal. Had to stomach the reality, that you were never real. 

Pens once lost on pages, now crinckled on the table. Happily ever after, just a twisted fable. 

Erasing you from my soul, burned history marked with pen. So that I may forget my past, and attempt to begin again. 

I scribbled out old verses, I had yet to complete. Leaving behind our memories, ruin laying at my feet. 

What once was love filled margins, with cursive bent askew. Only to find that with time, my poetry is tainted with the poison of you.
how can u be my motivation
when u clearly only hinder me.
u have been shaking my foundation,
i only hope - some day soon - u will finally let me be.

u have given me demons - carried ghosts that i am terrified to face;
i know that everything happens for a reason - i just wish that those reasons would pick up the pace.

i can't help how my mind makes me feel - the intrusion of thoughts are breaking me down;
i convince myself that they are real -
that everyone would be better off if i wasn't around.

maybe it's the alcohol - maybe it's the drugs,
i can't function without an abundance of the two.
all of my problems were swept under imaginary rugs -
i am so far from gone - idk what to do.
i don't wanna be alive
no need to get your hopes up.
eyes wide - mind closed up.
in the flesh (but u) ghost-up.
u only got my hopes up.

my emotions start to blow up -
watch out for the glo-up.
i didn't mean to get your hopes up..

she only cares if the dope's up -
until then insecurities stay up.
i'm surprised u ain't gave up -
u only get my hopes up.

loud & abrupt,
expecting a come-up,
but u need to come down.
how come i never see u around?
u like to play the role,
but can't wear the crown.
tell me,
how does your pedestal look
from the ground?

your mouth,
it moves -
your words,
no longer profound.
i just need to know
if u still want me around.
i'll always see u as lost -
never ready to be found.
i'm ready to be made new -
on the road to rebound.
02.12.18 • 4:30am
I will always keep this flame that you've burned into me,
I hope you still have your spark.
I've watched you combust, burn out too fast,
Find new places to run & park.
I know that I'll never truly know you like that again,
That I'll be kept in the dark
Just know that no matter what or how it ended,
You've made a permanent and positive mark.
It is not your job to save everyone.

Lemme say that again:
It is NOT your job to save everyone!

Be selfless and be kind,
But don't forget to unwind.
Don't forget to focus on YOU.
Don't forget that you go through some ****, too!
Don't forget about your own life.
Don't let them stab you in the back after you've handed them the knife.

You can only give so much of yourself before you are left empty-handed.
You can only do so much for someone before you become aware that they've taken you for granted.
What does it take for you to see that you have been planted?
That life is about personal growth, no matter where you have landed.

We all have our baggage and we've claimed our vices,
But there comes a point in adulthood when you should open your eyes and see how beautiful life is.
It's not about whose picture looks the nicest.
It's about whose internal light shines the brightest.

So tell me, when you see your reflection,
Do you glow or do you burn?
Are you brighter than sunshine or are you ashes in an urn?

"From the ashes we will rise",
Though it may be trite and cliché;
In the end we all get the same prize,
As long as you start the game to play.
Be the driving force behind winds of change.
Where she goes
know one will ever  know

Her soul wonders with exhustation
Her emotions nauseous
Her heart is cautious

Where she goes
Know one will ever  know


She heads  toward the sun
Obeying no one
She goes by no label
Leaving her identify  on the table


Where she goes
Know one will ever know

Her heart  a peaceful Anarchist
No rules no regulation of her heart


Where she goes
Know one will ever know
 Dec 2017 More than Man
kas
this is how it happens
it's the last day the temperature will be
above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit
until February
you're not looking at the date
it's just the end of November
the middle of the night in the middle of a road
at the end of November
the hum of this small town hurts your ears
you're stuck in a dream where everything you see
turns into a weapon
this is how it happens
you knocked back sharp, amber liquid
to make this place feel a little more okay
and it only worked halfway
no matter how soft the edges are
you bruise your hips when you
run into them in the dark
you're ******* on your fourth cigarette when
a police officer pulls over and asks
how you're doing today
in the too-bright white of the headlights
the sick taste of Red Stag sticks to
the roof of your mouth
the mouth that you're moving into a smile
the mouth exhaling plumes of smoke at the ground
you're okay
"i'm okay."
you don't tell him what you're really doing
you're really taking all of your
thoughts about stopping your pulse for a walk
you don't tell him you've been
chasing ambulances all night long
please, officer don't leave me alone, you don't say
he tells you to have a good night and drives away
and this is how it happens
the moon smiles at you with every single one
of its tiny, sharp teeth
nobody but your cat finds you in that bathtub
nobody but your cat watches you rise from red water
watches it drip drip drip
from every chasm carved in your left arm
nobody but your cat saw the soft animal of your soul
shiver from the cold that day
it's the first day the temperature
dropped below
thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit inside your chest
based on true events
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