How long does this pain last
As long as I carry it I suppose
If I keep trudging through my past
That I keep locked up so no one knows -
That I feel like a burden
with nothing much to offer
A broken heart and mind
With empty coffers

My children are why I live
their absence is why I am lonely
They are my reason to forgive
They are my reason only

What brought me my joy
Now brings me so much pain
the absence of their laughter
Drowns me in silent rain

I lock it all away
so that no one can see
But my eyes always betray
The fact that I can't be happy

Sorrow Grief Trauma Fear
These are the shackles that I wear
These chains are forged in pain
They increase the weight I bear

I fight endlessly in this war
But my hands and feet are tied
I'm entrenched and I'm drenched
In the swamps of tears that I've cried

My soul weeps and is weary
My memory is my torment, not my friend
But I will keep trying and crying for God-
For Him to help put my suffering to an end

And at the end of all of that heartbreak.
All of the dinners you couldn’t eat.
The bottles you drowned yourself in.
The tears you left on every fabric you touched.
You’ll realize -
He was nothing special.
But the way you loved him was.

I'll give my love to beauty
No matter what the cost
I will give my heart to peace
No difference what I've lost

I'll give my mind to clarity
And to my soul - sincerity

I'll reach out for kindness
I'll taste its sweet surrender
I'll give in to my dreams
I'll be truth's defender

With every fiber of my being
I will seek and find my joy
No matter what bridges burn
Or what my pursuit would destroy

I'm tired of always being tired
I'm weary from all that's transpired
Im sick of searching for a home
That my heart has never known

I'm done being so downcast
I'm through with my unforgiving past
Its all quickly fading into history
I'm looking forward into victory

Beneath antique gardens
with manicured lawns
Genteel tea parties
and gambling fawns
They snarl in the dark
Wolves under lock
Loose them a little
and they’ll run amok

I'm
Tired
Of
B
R
E
A
T
H
I
N
G

Tired of

S
E
   E
    I
     N
       G

This hatred in humanity
And
The
Delicates
Being

T    O     R    N

Apart
So quickly
Without listening
To their glistening
Fragile
Beautiful words

Take me off the pedestal
I am not what you see
That man's a miscreation
It's what i'd like to be

Take me off the pedestal
For it is far too high
For if I trip, slip, or fall
You'll think I was a lie

Take me off the pedestal
One cannot comprehend
To think 'tis where I stand
Make me not king, but friend

Take me off the pedestal
I've never felt so wrong
But please, oh please keep me in
your heart- that's right where I belong