this
is exactly the moment the collision occurred
this is the distortion of reality
the glance at your hands gripping the wheel
this is the stoppage of time
the numbing silence

you looked so beautiful knowing it would hurt
i always figured it would
i always asked you to wear a seatbelt
you always asked me to leave in peace
this is it then

this
is the tranquility of non-existence
this is the blood in my mouth that i can't identify as mine or yours and
this is the steel frame of the car and heart distorted

this is where fate meets human fragility
where the light makes sounds
where i can't remember the last words i said to you but
i hope they were clever

i hope something becomes of me
i hope you here my voice in car horns
and see me in ambulance lights

you were always so vibrant and i wonder where all your light went
back to the crash then
i felt us collide with the guardrail
and my soul wrap arounds yours

Thirst, he wished it from above,
Tilted cup designed one tip,
Why couldn't it be good?
Spilt his brow prolong each sip.*


                       -b-

No, don't say that
You don't get to say you're "sad"
I know all suffering is valid
No matter the magnitude
HOWEVER--
Don't you ******* pretend like you KNOW
Like you ******* know anything about how empty
Life can be.
Like you feel anything as close to how empty I feel every single day
What's it's like to live your life on the verge of tears
Aching on that precipice
Holding that urge to cry just beneath the surface of you, constantly.
You can't honestly think anyone can take you seriously
When you sit there in your comfortable, uncomplicated life
Having everything I ever wished for
Having everything you and I know I'll never have
And pretend like you feel an emotion like despair.
Look at you, surrounded,
******* inundated with family and friends and a boyfriend who all love you,
They love you ******* it
Do you even know?
Do you know what it's like to go home
To an empty room
To an empty heart?
You don't know, you'll never know,
You'll never have to feel as lost and invisible and ******* broken as some of us
So you need to learn to be more ******* precise
With your language.

I told you my words
I showed you my heart
Explained how I felt
And still you felt like the victim