I should practice what I preach,
I'm such a hypocrite

You're dead to me
But I still feel you sitting
In the bottom of my stomach
Making me anxious,
Making me sad,
Causing all of the tension
That's driving me mad,
You're gone, and I'm glad
Because I knew that you were bad
I'm trying not to miss you
But you're the best I ever had,
Making me bitter, letting loose, with no filter
Scribing at my scratch pad

wisdom burns through my veins,
Igniting endorphins into flames,
Primordial fire,
Exhale desire,
Detach from the self

I will love all who cross my path
I will treat them with kindness and compassion,
Wear my heart on my sleeve, but not for fashion
I feel a swelling in my heart you can't even imagine,
My spirit lifts, soars,
Powerful, born of dragons

I will take only what is given
Receive humbly, give naturally
I will help others reach the top of the mountain,
Making leaps and bounds over life's long climb
I will offer them water,
And let them drink from my hands
When they've become to weak to help themselves
Because those who would tend to the Buddha,
Would tend to the sick, the tired, and the famished

I will live in the present moment,
Not in my inescapable past or independent variable of a future
The only time is now,
And I'll liberate myself from the chains of suffering
I will be free,
I will return home

This is my Mantra

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
Ill never forget the way I sit in the bathroom floor
Or the way my legs stretch out on the floor
Or how my back feels pressed against the wall
Or even how I hold the blade in my right hand
Ill never forget the way
The blade feels against my left arm
How the blood  slips through my skin
Or how the world gets find of quiet
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself

There will come a time when
I have to choose a path
And I know it will be the one
That leads away from you....

You're dead to me.
You'll regret leaving me.
I assure you.
But I wont be awaiting the return
Of someone who treats me like you did

Ungrateful *****.