I have a nephew who's full of life
Makes me happy in this **** life .
He is the rising sun
Breaking light on every one
Helping me smile
Helping me be free
Colors just burst for he
He can not talk
He is special needs
But in his silence
I no his needs
He also smart
He understands me
He make me laugh
He so full of glee
So happy
So insightful
So misunderstood
He walks in a room
A bomb of energy
Oh dear sweet boy
I do love thee
Thankyou for trusting me
Thankyou for showing me
How to be free
You are the fastest river I ever see run
The strongest boy
So full of joy
Heart so pure
Colours dance around you when you sleep
He is the kindest wee boy you will ever meet x

To everyone out there that I may just stare at thankyou x
Too everyone on this site supporter or people that just write thankyou x
Even for the people who don't care thankyou x too my brother Brian Mckay who showed me the way thankyou x thankyou x you have helped me so many ways give me confidence too put my work on display x thankyou x

It was night as I woke to a choking to my throat
To a squeezing to my ribs
Binding my body
Binding my feet
Restricted
Can not move
Struggle for air
A being hanging
With a stare
It did not care
I take a mouth full of air
I'm scared
Then it jumps to attack
I'm fighting on my back
An evil is apon me
I fight for my soul
The darkness to take me
It crushing the air out of me
I prey
I prey
Please leed me to light
As I fight this dark night.
I wake with a scream
A nightmare
A bad dream.

I'll hold a light for you forever
I'll lock this up
Hide it forever
But I will weep
As you have never been mine to keep
Even when we have dined and laugh at life with each other
I see behind
That smile
I'm not yours
Your not mine
Even when we have made love
Our bodys intertwine
and we both have weeped
As time stood still
In that loving moment
I still wish you the very best
And that all the world see the great hairs on your chest
Giggle
That I love so much
Yet you hate so dearly
I still will hold a light in the dark for you
I still walk in the park thinking of you
I still miss you
Should I have stayed and thought it
Thorough
Should I change just for you
No
No one should change if love is true
Time to let go
Time
Time in where another love is lost
It's time
I will wish you love
I will wish you hope
I will hold a light for you forever
I say goodbye
I let go
Time

Forever x

Natasha ***

Oh my boyfriend of mine
He started to pine
Gosh he did wine
I forgot too send him a valentine ,
And now he will not be forever mine
Now I'm in trouble I have ordered a double
I got myself in this mess
Oh look
That man looks so fresh
That's put and end to me feeling depressed,
Got a hotel room we got undressed
Now I'll let your imagination
Tell the rest.
Happy valentines
Mine was the best x

I walk along same paths everyday
I never look for what on display
Birds singing dancing away
Sun out beating it's play
I feel the warm rays
This washes my cares away.

Ive walked this  path everyday
Today my feet move with the sun's dancing  beat with  the dancing of the little Robins feet.

I take my time on this warm spring day I take it all in , it warms me within

Moving with the sun beat
I'm dancing with the little Robins feet
I Shuffle muffle with the hedgehogs snuffle,  pushing through ***** leave i just love this spring time beat
I'm dancing to the little Robins feet .

Listen too you don't listen too me
For i am already free as can be
Your angry at you not me
You hide behind a fake name
Your true name holds no shame
Or no fame
Don't pass the blame on someone else
Look at yourself
Don't judge me
Judge yourself
You have no right too pass the blame
Use that flame your fire within
Too start too heal
Start to begin
If unhappy
Not yet free
Look at yourself
Not me.

Our footprints stays in the no
Our footprint stays in the snow
Our footprints stay on the earth
Our footprint is individually defined
Individual is our footprint.
Remember where you tread
Don't be mislead
Don't stand on no one's toes
Our footprint stays on the earth
Our footprint then in the past
Our footprint x

I was just wondering if alot of your life is pain
bad things happen again and again how am I to explain how to be happy in lots of pain.
Do you belive we can be happy in so much pain ?
When it happens again and again do I attract the same is this my shame?
Is this my cross to bear my blame my pain.
         I just want to be happy again x
I don't want to be stained in pain just remain the shame I want to change **
   Get rid of my pain x
Not relive it again and again
    How do I become happy  
How do I face my pain
Become my change
I just want to be happy .
To not put the blame on pain
To fight my strains
Become my pain
Maybe then I can change x

I wish I was the light that shines through the trees
I wish I was the cool winter breeze
I wish I was the strength of the thundering seas
I wish I could see me
Like
Me
I wish I  was the butterfly
flying free
Happily
I wish I was as strong as the big oak Tree
I wish I was my mum
But I'm not
I'm ****** me

Rip my chains off
set me free
Let me be the big strong tree
Or be this tiny seed
So weak

Let me be the light through the dark trees
The latern to help me see
To help other see
How to be free.

Free of thoughts
Free

You called us too passing ships in the night
I said oh alright, goodnight,shut the door, fell too my knees,
God  lord or jesus too whom do I pray,
As I'm in dismay too what I say ,
This language we talk of, I'm not very   good at.
we call love,
As I let myself down ,I drowned in self pity,
I show all my sides, I pray I did not hide,
Well but, a little shy,
I need a reply,
Just a look my way ,
Would help me along the road of love
Or a  warm Wray from an angels open wings
Just too hear them sing,
That would guide me in my quest for love .
I pray I fall in love use my good sides
If a little shy,
God lord or jesus hear my cry
Hear my prayers
I need a love lullabie,
I need too feel loved.
I need the right person too come my way I pray
God, lord , or jesus .

I miss my love , i once was a loving girl with heart on her sleeve, till I met a man that I thought was too good for me.
Many a night we shared our thoughts,
Layed our body on knaked lawns,
We would talk for hours and ever more,
I was just in total awe.
I could not stop thinking of this man of mine, i just put him up so high so high
I could not fly,
But I thought he could, he should save the world and me too.
But yet we destroyed each other
Beat each other down
****** each other at every
chance we got, i hated him, I just hated him I become so bitter for my knight in shineing armor just did not exist.

I was heartbroken I think for the first time at 34 forevermore.
I woke up out of my fairytale
I'm not cinderella
He is not prince charming
I had put him on a pedal stool
Too high too reach...

I hide my soul
So no one can destroy it
Pull at it
Talk too it
I hide my soul
So no one can see me
Free me.
I hide my soul
Only on paper
I do not hide,
I hide me
I'd like too be set free like the stormy seas
Like the winter breeze
For now I like too see me as
a willow Tree
This would set me free
I think
For now I'll hide me
I don't want too be free
I'm frightened .

It don't matter what I do
It don't matter what u say
Who I am
Where I've been
It means nothing
We all come to a end

I see clearly now
I am just a beat
Just a name
A number
I feel free
Don't expect anything from me

I am no one
I am nothingness
I'm not lost
The world is
It all comes to the end

Memory's
Life
My name
I'm Natasha mckay
But
we all energy
That will rejoin
Energy

The end
I'm not scared
I'm not dead
I'm just seeing
Like a new born child
I mean nothing

I am nothing.

But energy.

I see everything.

My subconscious is stuck on you
My thoughts hate you
My heart still feels you
My eyes still see you
My voice still speaks you
My sleep still dreams of you
My feeling miss you
My pain is still you
I miss you .

Why is it you twist the truth
You done this game in your youth
Where did that get you
Not the truth
You only hurt you with your lies
It's you the people despise
Don't you ****** recognise
Drop your deguise
Reconise
Stop yourself in time
Stop playing the same old record
Stop playing the same old games
Become a new flame
A new day
Be kind
Be simple
Be mine.

The sunflower
Is so big headed
Sweet and Pretty
And she knows it.

Why can I not get you too love me so
Why do we pretend at home?
Why do I moan your still around
Pretending with your quit frown.

I'll show you all my emotions
And shuv them down your throat
Until you choke,
But still you pretend too love me
Still we play like little dolls
In a little perfect house
I wonder what would happen
If I gave up this pattern?

Why do we do this silly merry go round,
Why do we pretend you love me
Why do we not  let this pretend  love die
Why do you do this?
Why do you just please me
Please leave me,
Please just leave me alone.

Shadows of the night
How they give such a fright
My wee girl jumps
She hears a bump
Its  a monser mummy under my bed
I jump too the rescue
Too save her sleep
I make this monsters of her run  cause I'm the freak
Eek says the monster, he runs
A mummy angry is no fun
****** run.x
A mummy angry
Defending her daughter not a pretty site x

Deep in the woods of summer gleam
Where fairy's float
And daffodils smoke
Mushrooms of purple polkadot green
I'm there singing on the breeze
I'm there flowing on the streams
I'm there always in your dreams
Please don't forget me

Deep in the woods of trees dark green
Where fairy's float And boats afloat on the streams I'm there always in your dreams  on the streams
Please don't forget me

Deep in the woods where flowers flirt
Where the wee men are hard and work
Trees all talking hearing your words
As they all whisper
Please don't forget me.
I promise you dad I forgive thee
I've told the trees and they can tell thee x

I promise you we all forgive thee x

I can not put my hoover down , I would rather make love too my hoover, more than a man.
My dusters I fluster
As I rub over my skin
I'm clean, there clean I'm excited with mr sheen.
Well , with Mrs fairy I better not go there,I found her very scary,
I love cleaning it excites me within,
When I do my dishes I have a massive grin.
With my mop I can reach every spot
I had Mr flash on my floor also up against the door.
I have o.c.d. you see, I just love to clean ,  it makes me want too scream
This is a obsession a thing I have too do
putting my house write how is dose so excite. I love cleaning.

I've been called a monster before
I thought thats a lie
But I hide just like a monster
Deep inside I have a part of me I hide
I despise.

I don't want too be a monster
That hides
I scare people away with just one stare
I frighten  my kids away
I will not be a monser

I will not be that monster
That shouts and scream in my dreams
That eats my soul
while I sleep.

I will beat my monster
I will love myself
I will  care for my monster
So it never give a stair that scares people away.
I will smile like a sunrise
And play like a rainbow too brighten my kids day.
I will care abouy my monster So it feels it safe.

I don't want too be a monster.

Oh chocolate I love thee so
You make me happy
You make feel so full of glee
You make me feel like that desperate wee that I set free
How I love thee
Chocolate.

Don't you try and tell me  my dear friend  that how love can be so beautiful, when all love brought me was shattered parts of my personality
, that I'm still picking up today.
Don't tell me that true love will make me a better person all love made me was bitter , sad., lonely. .lost, weak
I will sit on the self forever collect dust
Bitterly tasting nothing.I will safely rote away .

Over the meadows far away millie played with  mr moon beam that lived across the bay

They floated in banana boat's
They claimed up sugar hills
They sprinkled sparkle stardust upon the frosty hills.

Over the meadows far away millie played with Mr moon beam who lived across the bay

They fly on cotton candy  clouds  to catch a shooting  star
They would eat rainbow icecream too make her dreams go far.
Back across the meadows come across the bay there is millie playing happy in her own special way x

Good night Mr moon beam I hear her say at the end of each and everyday ***

I have a name is that me
I have brown hair is that me
I Excist in a space
Is that me
I talk I walk I work
I pretend
I act like I no me
Is that me
I show people a certain me
Is that me
Do I hide
Am I here
What is you what am I
What's my favorite colour
Do I matter
Dose anything matter
We all need to see

Whats me?

I've hit a wall
200 hundred miles per hour
Smash
Thrash
Car fu##ing crash
I've hit a wall
It's so ******* tall
On and on it towers over me
Smash
Crash
This wall makes me feel so small
It's so tall
I'm so small
I hate my fu##ing walls x

I was cueing for a bus today
I had not the right money and needed too stay,
A man gave me 50p so I could be on my way
A act of kindness goes along way
A simple act of kindness that blew me away x thankyou too the man that day his name is Peter who helped me stay x

The rose is red
Passionate
Inviting you too smell his colour
Drawing you in
His petals like silky sheets
On your skin
Delicate thin
He makes you hot and steamy deep within x

Old man sitting in his seat
In his eyes lays defeat
Lonely looking down at his feet
Hearing what's outside his window
Children playing young and nibble.

Old man sitting in his chair
He is in so much despair
Running his fingers vigorously through his hair
Lonely and lost
No one to talk too
******* himself ,
has no self care
His family he raised
All gone away
No one too say
I hear your voice x
Hello
Just hello, how are you today x
Conversation with himself.

Why do they just leave me alone
Sitting in my chair no one cares
My family i raised I worked myself too the bone
For what
For this
Too sit alone
The loneliness it's talking too me taunting me .
Sad old man
******* yourself
You may as well hang yourself
Do us all a favor
The old boy stands on his lonely chair
Hangs himself.

I think I was born sad.

You claw across the room too me
Distorted in shadows you reach for me
I sweat
I shake
I'm gonna brake
You call so gently too me
Come my dear
You will rest with me,mentally you collect me,
This addiction is getting too me
I shake
I swear
I'm in dispair
I'm gonna break
I have too take
My heads so dark in this space
Embrace me it shouts
Just take me now
We will feel better
No black clouds
I take.

The guilt the blame the emptiness the same,
darkness came ,
I took painkillers
Just too feel better
No better I was
My addiction,
I have to really fight for me.

I will fight the fight too be drug free.

Just sometimes this fight is hard for me.