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Tash Mckay Jan 2018
I was cueing for a bus today
I had not the right money and needed too stay,
A man gave me 50p so I could be on my way
A act of kindness goes along way
A simple act of kindness that blew me away x thankyou too the man that day his name is Peter who helped me stay x
I did not have the Wright money so I could not get on the bus too bury bless this guy he gave me the 50p x this is a thankyou too him x I saw him in town week later he would not take the money back
I no its only 50p but out of lots of people he was the only one........ kindness x
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
You claw across the room too me
Distorted in shadows you reach for me
I sweat
I shake
I'm gonna brake
You call so gently too me
Come my dear
You will rest with me,mentally you collect me,
This addiction is getting too me
I shake
I swear
I'm in dispair
I'm gonna break
I have too take
My heads so dark in this space
Embrace me it shouts
Just take me now
We will feel better
No black clouds
I take.

The guilt the blame the emptiness the same,
darkness came ,
I took painkillers
Just too feel better
No better I was
My addiction,
I have to really fight for me.

I will fight the fight too be drug free.

Just sometimes this fight is hard for me.
Being clean is hard I've been cleaned now a year but it's been a fight too get here . The things that go on in your head are mad. This is how I use too feel. I would argue with myself tell myself I needed this
But my mind is getting stronger I don't think
Pain killers is going too help.
dealing with real life will help me I no this now . I have better support now too .just wanted to get it out proper too me.
Tash Mckay Jun 2018
I'll hold a light for you forever
I'll lock this up
Hide it forever
But I will weep
As you have never been mine to keep
Even when we have dined and laugh at life with each other
I see behind
That smile
I'm not yours
Your not mine
Even when we have made love
Our bodys intertwine
and we both have weeped
As time stood still
In that loving moment
I still wish you the very best
And that all the world see the great hairs on your chest
That I love so much
Yet you hate so dearly
I still will hold a light in the dark for you
I still walk in the park thinking of you
I still miss you
Should I have stayed and thought it
Should I change just for you
No one should change if love is true
Time to let go
Time in where another love is lost
It's time
I will wish you love
I will wish you hope
I will hold a light for you forever
I say goodbye
I let go

Forever x

Natasha ***
Love lost been and gone yet still ill hold dear to me xxxx letting go ***
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
She was left standing all on her own
All dressed up but no where too go
She  was left heartbroken at 17
All dressed up  but nowhere too go
Yearning for a man 29 much older
All dressed up she was
Just left standing she was
Just got drunk that night
All dressed up she was and nowhere to go.
Mum rocking her too sleep she was
Sobbing like a child.
She was all dressed up and no where too go.
Just  stood  her up again
With no where too go.
Her dad said she  was all dressed up the poor girl and nowhere too go .
Being stood up lots of times  17 teen year old I felt lost silly hurt your feelings are so much more at 17.
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
The darkness  creeps up too me
I try too fight but it expands , Covers me , suffer cation there is no explanation

Why do you haunt me taunt me follow
Me, you reduce me too a child quickly I have too hide .
Why do you taunt me so?
I see shadows of the night they creep along my floor,I have too hide once more.
If only I could get too the door
I maybe be free of the darkness once more ..!!!!
I'm a fighter but this darkness I feel follows
Me x
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
Listen too you don't listen too me
For i am already free as can be
Your angry at you not me
You hide behind a fake name
Your true name holds no shame
Or no fame
Don't pass the blame on someone else
Look at yourself
Don't judge me
Judge yourself
You have no right too pass the blame
Use that flame your fire within
Too start too heal
Start to begin
If unhappy
Not yet free
Look at yourself
Not me.
I have been burnt on many occasions where they blame you for there wrong doings I hated it i always put up a fight my right. If you just tell the truth you will feel better don't blame others cause you are too weak ***
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
Oh chocolate I love thee so
You make me happy
You make feel so full of glee
You make me feel like that desperate wee that I set free
How I love thee
Chocolate should never be under rated
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
When I was a child I played in dens
I played cowboys and Indians over and over again
I wish now I could play them games again.
Be in the safety  of my play den.

The safety of my mother's arms the safety of you fathers love the comfort of my brothers fun.

Now I'm a adult I'm in four walls a house they call it it has a door .

I don't like this new den no more
I want too play cowboys and Indians with my brothers once more x
This is about Danny and Brian they are my brothers . We had a hard childhood. I have not made my adult life easy for myself x but growing up i had the safety of my big brother this is for him *** he made me safe xxxx
Tash Mckay Apr 2018
I was just wondering if alot of your life is pain
bad things happen again and again how am I to explain how to be happy in lots of pain.
Do you belive we can be happy in so much pain ?
When it happens again and again do I attract the same is this my shame?
Is this my cross to bear my blame my pain.
         I just want to be happy again x
I don't want to be stained in pain just remain the shame I want to change **
   Get rid of my pain x
Not relive it again and again
    How do I become happy  
How do I face my pain
Become my change
I just want to be happy .
To not put the blame on pain
To fight my strains
Become my pain
Maybe then I can change x
Sometimes you look at yourself and think how do I shake this off I'm sick of one emotion showing none feelings how to understand one self x get rid of pain be happy *** not
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
Oh my boyfriend of mine
He started to pine
Gosh he did wine
I forgot too send him a valentine ,
And now he will not be forever mine
Now I'm in trouble I have ordered a double
I got myself in this mess
Oh look
That man looks so fresh
That's put and end to me feeling depressed,
Got a hotel room we got undressed
Now I'll let your imagination
Tell the rest.
Happy valentines
Mine was the best x
Cheeky funny ** it's all so mushy and loverly so I thought I would be naughty write this made me giggle *** just a bit of fun **
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
The sunflower
Is so big headed
Sweet and Pretty
And she knows it.
I love looking at flowers in the garden x the sunflower is always big beautiful and bold then she is gone x
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
Our footprints stays in the no
Our footprint stays in the snow
Our footprints stay on the earth
Our footprint is individually defined
Individual is our footprint.
Remember where you tread
Don't be mislead
Don't stand on no one's toes
Our footprint stays on the earth
Our footprint then in the past
Our footprint x
Just we all leave this earth but even when where gone we leave our print behind our message our footprint x thankyou if you read ** and get it x
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
There was a time you said
Please never leave me

There was a time you said
I just need you
Please never leave me
There was a time you said
Please please keep me
Don't ever leave me
Making love you look at me
You made me believe
We promised neither would leave
A pact made bye too souls
I believed
I said , please never leave me
No reply
You left me
Now I'm frozen in time
Replaying in my mind that night we looked each other straight in each others eyes
Please never leave me,
Our pact.
Some things haunt you. this was one of mine, just that moment in time where everything was just right . A frozen memory
That will only go with time.very personal i no to me time too let go .
Tash Mckay Mar 2018
My subconscious is stuck on you
My thoughts hate you
My heart still feels you
My eyes still see you
My voice still speaks you
My sleep still dreams of you
My feeling miss you
My pain is still you
I miss you .
Heartbreaking they fall out of love with you  but your left feeling x want too forget x
Tash Mckay Dec 2019
I have a name is that me
I have brown hair is that me
I Excist in a space
Is that me
I talk I walk I work
I pretend
I act like I no me
Is that me
I show people a certain me
Is that me
Do I hide
Am I here
What is you what am I
What's my favorite colour
Do I matter
Dose anything matter
We all need to see

Whats me?
Understanding life .
Tash Mckay Dec 2018
It don't matter what I do
It don't matter what u say
Who I am
Where I've been
It means nothing
We all come to a end

I see clearly now
I am just a beat
Just a name
A number
I feel free
Don't expect anything from me

I am no one
I am nothingness
I'm not lost
The world is
It all comes to the end

My name
I'm Natasha mckay
we all energy
That will rejoin

The end
I'm not scared
I'm not dead
I'm just seeing
Like a new born child
I mean nothing

I am nothing.

But energy.

I see everything.
I will have an affect on my kids but not be on that I will end up  nobody just a energy to the universe that's it star dust.looking how when my life matters it don't.  I'm just here existing.  It want matter. 2018.
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
I've been called a monster before
I thought thats a lie
But I hide just like a monster
Deep inside I have a part of me I hide
I despise.

I don't want too be a monster
That hides
I scare people away with just one stare
I frighten  my kids away
I will not be a monser

I will not be that monster
That shouts and scream in my dreams
That eats my soul
while I sleep.

I will beat my monster
I will love myself
I will  care for my monster
So it never give a stair that scares people away.
I will smile like a sunrise
And play like a rainbow too brighten my kids day.
I will care abouy my monster So it feels it safe.

I don't want too be a monster.
Selfishness x temper x not likeing myself x
Learning too love yourself x looking after yourself x being the grown up x
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
I hide my soul
So no one can destroy it
Pull at it
Talk too it
I hide my soul
So no one can see me
Free me.
I hide my soul
Only on paper
I do not hide,
I hide me
I'd like too be set free like the stormy seas
Like the winter breeze
For now I like too see me as
a willow Tree
This would set me free
I think
For now I'll hide me
I don't want too be free
I'm frightened .
Love x falling in love again x no thanks x maybe x no x yes x I'll like me first like I love the willow Tree x
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
I love the snow
the wind blows her beautiful  coat around us
She rests in our hair
She lay deep at night
She is but quite
Silently she lays
Ready for kids too play.
She is but deep white and endless
I love the snow x
I really am snow mad just wish for a white Christmas once more x snow snow  snow x lol x
Tash Mckay Feb 2018
You called us too passing ships in the night
I said oh alright, goodnight,shut the door, fell too my knees,
God  lord or jesus too whom do I pray,
As I'm in dismay too what I say ,
This language we talk of, I'm not very   good at.
we call love,
As I let myself down ,I drowned in self pity,
I show all my sides, I pray I did not hide,
Well but, a little shy,
I need a reply,
Just a look my way ,
Would help me along the road of love
Or a  warm Wray from an angels open wings
Just too hear them sing,
That would guide me in my quest for love .
I pray I fall in love use my good sides
If a little shy,
God lord or jesus hear my cry
Hear my prayers
I need a love lullabie,
I need too feel loved.
I need the right person too come my way I pray
God, lord , or jesus .
When I was little I used to prey I always got confused with god our Lord, jesus, so I used too prey too all of them names .lol bible very confusing when little and when older . I have not prayed in years .not sure what I believe really x but true love would always be good x surly if God sent him he might be good x
Tash Mckay Dec 2020
I see things differently
That's OK
I can offened with my words
This I don't like
So I started again
Rewind freeze frame
Looked at myself
God that was hard
Sometimes my words breake down
They decay .
My mouth walks before my brain
This is why I write
This is where I can explain
I see things differently.
I'm OK.  
Every human never stops learning
Good or bad
Good for me.
I'm still growing learning everyday
Now I can play with my thoughts
Daydream all day
Fly away with the fairy's
That flood my brain.
Not quite like that
You no what i mean
I can try
I'm feeling good today
To be honest it's nearly good  
I see some things differently
That's OK.

I'm growing into a person whose handles her
I'm not displaying
Every ****** day
I'm growing
I'm learning
I'm listening
I'm interested it what you have to say
Be nice
Be kind
Help someone today.
As tomorrow you could be the person
Who just sees  decay.
Change in me growth. Thank you xxxxx  depression.  Appreciates.
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
Whey is it i stray with you
I play with you
Why is it is lay with you so easy
I give my self freely
I shame myself with you
I look a fool
Why do I stray with you
I do.
This is how I let myself down.
let that one person control me.  I was  hipmatised . Not no more
Tash Mckay Jan 2018
Over the meadows far away millie played with  mr moon beam that lived across the bay

They floated in banana boat's
They claimed up sugar hills
They sprinkled sparkle stardust upon the frosty hills.

Over the meadows far away millie played with Mr moon beam who lived across the bay

They fly on cotton candy  clouds  to catch a shooting  star
They would eat rainbow icecream too make her dreams go far.
Back across the meadows come across the bay there is millie playing happy in her own special way x

Good night Mr moon beam I hear her say at the end of each and everyday ***
About my 5 year old great imagination x
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