I wish bawling my eyes out eased the pain
and I also wish my parents would stop asking me whats wrong when they already know
and I wish I could stop crying everynight
and I wish I wasn't suicidal
and I wish I was good enough for the only person I love
and I wish you loved me back
and I wish writing this poem right now wasn't the only thing stopping me from killing myself

but I looked into your eyes tonight
and I hope you saw it
but I know you're blind

im broken, you broke me

you told me the things I made for you meant absolutely nothing anymore.
I spent days on that
days.
and when you said that
I walked away
hoping you would chase me
or hit me with your car to put me out of my misery
but no, you didn't

and I wish you ******* cared about me
then maybe I would think my life is worth living....
and maybe I could go to bed at night without wanting to take my life

I just wanted you to ask me to stay
so I could be happy, be sane, stay a good person

but now that I know you don't care for me
why does it matter if I **** someone?
why does it matter if I do **** with a million boys
doesn't matter to you? why should it matter to me?
truth is im done giving a **** about life
when the one person I truly loved doesn't give half a **** about me

its one of those nights where I can't resist the temptation
im done
goodbye

You're pulling mountains out of anthills,
every pebble in your path
becomes a boulder.
And you're far from being any kind,
of lost or wayward soldier.
All the love that you have leeched,
you emphatically squander it.
And there is no "Great Weight" upon your shoulders.
That's just gravity *******,
don't over ponder it.

who am I kidding? it doesn't matter, it never did

everything's perfectly aligned on screen
IM windows in the corner,
my several pinned tabs:
email, poetry, music, analytics stuff,
and a book a girl told me about
my desk is a disaster:
a book about curing moods
from one of my best friends
tax papers, pay stubs,
eye drops, spent soccer tickets,
a can of anti-itch spray,
plastic bbs, empty boxes,
and paraphernalia
the clock only keeps ticking
and I wonder if the devil in me
will come out in my dreams again tonight
I hope I don't wake up on the floor again

I changed my wallpaper back
to that picture of us
and I put the hearts back next to your name
because
I don't want things to change
and I thought maybe..
if I did that..
you wouldn't leave & nothing would change

I thought about sending you my poetry link tonight
but immediately resisted the temptation
why should I give you the satisfaction of caring

you probably ****** the school **** tonight

im beginning this act where I don't care about you
and I don't care what you do
and I wish that was true
I wish you didn't consume my thoughts
every day
every hour
almost every minute

all the guys I talk to
are only a temporary high

they are a temporary filling for the hole you left in my heart

and maybe im the dumbest human being for still loving you through everything you have put me through
but I have never really been common sense smart
and maybe all of this is a lesson
to tell me what I deserve

but I still know I don't deserve better

and it just hurts
it hurts when I try and fall asleep
knowing you're probably not thinking of me
but another girl that you're probably just using

and I wonder when you'll realize that you actually liked me for me, not my body
but all these other girls won't mean **** after you please yourself
and I wonder when you will realize I actually mattered
and I wonder when you will realize you lost me

you lost me
and I lost myself
and I hope I can get back to the happiness I held before I met you
im just learning to live without you
how is it so easy for you babe?