Fearful are those
Who do nothing to help themselves

Fearful are those
Who have lost the people closest to them

Fearful are those
Who cry in the nightime

I am all of these things.

I fear what I do not know.

This is what anxiety is like:
My stomach is in knots
My heart is beating fast but when I put my hand over my heart I can't feel it at all
I might throw up, I'm not sure
My brain can't focus on one subject, one thought
I feel like there is nothing to do nothing to say I give up
Too many thoughts and yet none at all
Tight chest and curdling stomach, which will get me first?
And this all happens... for no reason at all.

the stars are not bright enough
when you are not around

Have you ever
experienced something
that has truly
broken your heart?

Something so devastating,
that it breaks
your soul
your heart
your mind

You question
everything you’ve done
to make this happen
but you can’t think
of anything

Over and over
the thoughts tumble
in your mind
the memories
flow from your brain
to your eyes
the pictures hurt
just as much
crisp and clear
they were made to remind you
of the best times
but all they do
is show you what you lost

The dull ache in your
heart
even months after
the defining event
says I miss you
and aches for
the ability to travel back
a year
a few months
any amount of time
that could rewind
the heartache

But time doesn’t act
that way
Neither do I.
Going back
knowing all eyes are
watching
judging
waiting for you
to **** up

is not friendship