Someone once told me
where do I see myself in the next 10 years
and I told them
that I'll either become a billionaire
covered with riches and thousands of dollars
mesmerized by other ****** wealthy people
or
become a member of a random cult
mesmerized by a theory that a snob has put inside my head
and covered with a "good outcome " and "safety from the cruel society "

it was either during middle school or junior high school
honestly, I can't remember
my English teacher told us to write a poem
didn't matter if it was long as a railroad station
or short as a pathway shortcut
"Just write" she said
she gives me a piece of paper and pencil
and told me a few examples that I can use for my first poem
but one example sparked my interest
"You can write about your favorite color" she said
so, with that in mind I start to begin writing
I wrote about the color blue
and things that have that color in it:
the sky
ocean waves
blueberry muffins
blue jays
sadness and sorrow
depression and numbness
the pain of being found guilty
the feeling of emptiness
being left alone
and showing signs of loneliness

I went on and on until my fragile hand started to cramp
but when I reached the end of my poem
I realized something very peculiar
blue wasn't my favorite color
yet I had presented blue in a way far more than just a “primary” color
When I submitted it to my teacher
she said that she loved it and gave me a good grade
later, when I got my paper back
I reread it a few times
crumbled it up to a ball
and chucked it into the nearest trash can
hoping that no one would find it

If all the negativity that is stored inside of me was in a form of an object...
It would be as big as a window frame
and it would be shaped as a spiral that floats around my head to my shoulders
if it was a color it would be a light baby blue that'll also glow in the dark
I shall name it "  "
and the only thought that " " would probably be thinking right now is "Why am I like this"
"  " can take as many forms as it desires
and to be honest I don't like it most of the time
it'll always hover around me during the worst times and even during my happiest moments in life
I don't know if "  " despises me the way I despise it
but since it had been stuck to me for the longest of times
I'm slowly starting to get used to it

Picture this:
Let’s say you’re a shy actor but not in movies but in theatre
And you’re ready to blow people’s minds with a performance that you have planned for the longest of times
But you’re scared of looking at people in the eye; especially an audience like this
So, your mind tells you to go up there on stage and give it your all
But when you step your foot out of the curtain you can feel the presence of a thousand eyes now locked in
You go into the center of the stage with your head glued to the wooden floorboards and before you take a breath in you start to have an idea
“Just close your eyes during your performance and open them when you’re done” that’s what your mind said
And you did just that
With both of your eyes closed shut
You began to perform your greatest talent that is filled with love and excellence
Or that’s what you at least thought
After you are done you open your eyes slowly starting to feel better about yourself
You raised your head
But in your surprise, there was no one to be seen
All the seats were empty
The doors are all closed
No voices or applause or chanting or cheering coming your direction
The entire atmosphere was dull and quiet
In fact, the spotlight that was right above when you first went onto the stage was gone
So, you’re left in darkness in the theatre
You felt confused and astonished because you knew that during the middle of your performance you could hear voices of different people coming your way but now that you opened your eyes fully all the voices stopped
Your body is telling you to get out of the stage, but you couldn’t
it was if your mind has shifted with the voices into the abyss
So now you’re frozen
Can’t move
Can’t act
Can’t dance
Can’t perform
tears running down your face as you stand still with your head glued onto the wooden floorboards again
And during this moment in this very quiet scenery the only sound that you can hear was your tears colliding onto the ground
This time was different because your eyes are open and not shut
You start to regain your movement again after being frozen and wipe away your tears
Starting to think about what to do next
Should you walk away from the stage and leave or look for where the audience left to
You couldn’t decide
Your mind has abandoned you
But for a second you started to feel something strong
It was your heart
And now your heart is telling you to just keep on performing but this time with your eyes open
And for a second you thought it was stupid and unnecessary for the situation you’re in, but you decided to go for it just for fun
You did a whole redo of a performance last time with your eyes open and not glued to the ground
And even though it was dark and empty from where you are you felt warmth approaching your way
And then 5 seconds later you see someone open the door and without thinking you begin to feel whole again

I wanted to be an astronaut
You wanted to be dead
But in the end
I ended up deep underground
Away from the earth’s surface
While you became a star in the night sky
Becoming one with the universe
I can’t reach to you from where I lay
But I know that you’ve look down at me
with the cosmos on your shoulders

You lived my dream
And I became your destiny

There was an old man who had a dog
It was a great hound dog that had drooled foaming out of his mouth
But for some reason the old man hated the dog because every time he would want to go on his daily walks outside
the dog will immediately follow from behind with a leash in his mouth

During the winter
The old man walked out of the house and the hound dog followed him as usual
Out of annoyance the old man decided to let his dog join him on the walk
They walked across the street from one stop sign to another
Until they reached a wooden bench
The old man sat down to rest his eyes
while the hound dog sat next to his foot

Time passes and the sun begins to set
The old man wakes up from his nap
He picks himself up and when he looks down to his foot the hound dog is gone
Confused he looks around the perimeter searching for the hound dog until he reaches to a street
The hound dog was there laid flat onto the ground but instead of drool that would foam out of his mouth it was blood instead

As the seasons passed on and winter comes by once again
The old man walks out of his house
He takes a few steps out to the sidewalk but when he turns back
The hound dog wasn’t behind him no more
He walks from stop sign to stop sign until he reaches to the bench
He sits down and rummage through his pocket and takes out the leash
He lays the leash next to his foot
then he goes to sleep
and as he starts to snore off
drool foams out of his mouth like a hound dog

I want to be free
That is all I ever asked for
For I have been cocooned in the hands of  person who I have thought was an ally but I would later find out that they are truly the embodiment of wickedness
and for so long I have been trapped in a deep void never to see where my future lies in the next few chapters
So I have made a promise to myself that when I have reached full capacity of my own self and my mind
I will regain my freedom
For I will not stay cocoon forever