That's one beautiful child. I love his eyes! He looks very much like you and his mother!
Well, I cannot deny the truth in that.
Enjoy him while he's small, one day he will be bigger than you.
I believe any proud father should cherish that.
What will you name him??"
This name spoke to me. Biblical or not. It's not where the name come from. It makes me feel strong, knowing...
There's a much more deeper part of me, that lives innocently, loves unconditionally and wants happiness for others! This world blessed me to have my own child once again. I am not going to give up on you...
"Isaiah"
From the moment the light in my eyes have faded to black.
All I remember seeing and hearing
"Dad grab my hand!"
Everything seem to have gotten bigger and I saw myself the size of a toy action figure. My son was a titan in comparison to me and orbs composed of light and ranging in all colors phased in and out of existence. Colors illuminated and danced around our auras.
Reaching out slowly for my son's before falling into continuous space
The whirlwind of emotions surfacing to the living world.
Summoned an violent storm and in the unforgiving, fast winds kinetic energy powerful enough to move actual "rips" in the air.
My clothing were tattered, it looks like I lost a fight. My limbs were nearly filled with abrasions and open cuts. Warm blood slowly dripped onto the ground. It alarms me that it was coming from me, but I was not hurt. I accepted this. If this was the end, my life will not be lived to bring suffering to those loved by me. My rage is worth burying it and myself if needed. My eyes closed wanting to become more than part of the darkness. My life was ready to be surrendered.
This is my fate and it is accepted
Wake up!!" The viciousness, growled from a strong and barking unfamiliar voice but the presence of this person, gave me nostalgia to mornings where my mother was upset, for I've failed to get up for school on time or day dreaming, instead of focusing on the important assignments.
The cold and loud winds came to screaming and paralyzing cease. Never in my life, have I felt numb to this degree. My delusions have consumed my reality unapologetically. Between seconds to minute intervals, my eyes blinked I was a different person, or version of myself. Seeing my situation from my son's eyes, my own and my shadow twin. Similar to me in every aspect. Differences stands with us, is he wears dark clothing a majority of the time, free of ****** blemishes, he's fuller in appearance and speaks in a multitude of different tones compared to anyone met or ever known.
"You decide to lay there and die. Everyone you love and honor, will vanish with me. Hell is nothing compared to the places your consciousness allows you to experience! My promise to you is, your demise will not end here."
"Daddy?"
Never have it dawned upon me, to physically view my perspective from another's view. Not until that literal life-changing moment.
Everything reverted to it's original perspective.
My clothes were still speckled with blood. My wounds have vanished along with the darkness. Standing in front of me, was Isaiah and other side of myself. My eyes never betrayed me on this spectrum. The other side of myself, was there with his arm around my SON flashing a wide and mocking smile, the shine in his eyes radiated more than my necklace in sunlight. His pupils dilated as look transformed to a piercing stare.
Indeed. Needless, to say I was highly intimidated. Even if it is me. How and why is my shadow self embracing my child?
"He looks a lot like you. But he's smaller than you dad." Isaiah said while giving me concerned eyes.
"Smaller? Are you mad son? I am no longer a toy, I am looking down at you right now! My eyes jumped from Isaiah back to him. Reminding myself. If you blink, you will become different again. What are you doing to him?! **** it! I swear if you're distorting his reality. I'll fu-
Watch your mouth. A child is present. Nothing is going to reward you with gifts if you insist on cursing everything. Don't think to hard. You're in the place your mind created for you. Gently covering Isaiah's ears by cupping them with his hands. My other self, spoke in a calm tone returning the look of frustration his eyes burned looking into mine.
You chose the wrong one! Nobody puts their hands on my son! You're nothing more than a manifestation of lies. I am his father!!
Poisoned and fueled by rage. Ridiculous as it sounds, I sprinted towards myself with my hand balled into a fist. Prepared to launch the heaviest punch to body in all of my fighting history.
Without a doubt. In my dreams, I ran more miles and with speed than this. Fooling myself into thinking I could win a fight with a dark version of myself that lives in my mind.
We both are the same
"Daddy. I am always safe with you!" Isaiah said smiling brightly at me. This time he was looking at me, with happiness in his eyes and face"
Time for you to go bye bye. Bring back flowers okay meatball?" My shadow self in moments less than the time it takes to blink. Claps his hands twice and the white butterflies from before returned and circled around Isaiah. Disappearing in an exploding bright ray of white light.
Staring into the sun was nothing compared to the intensity of the light beaming my son out of the hell in my mind. This was not an ordinary nightmare. I was the reason my son was brought into this world of chaos. Now, my demons have gotten the best of me. My conversations in darkness, turned me into worse enemy and my sacrifices would be everything that was loved. It should have been me. Everything pushed deep into the back of my mind was responsible for demise. This was not going to be the last time I saw Isaiah.
I was on my face in seconds. Opening my eyes, picking myself up from the ground with my dark twin glaring down at me. Disappointment and fury emit from his eyes.
Do you understand? You're the one that is nothing! You have no power here! This is what you, allowed us to become! You never even had faith in yourself! You have audacity to treat me as the issue! I believed in you more than anyone. I was there for your child before life and I will forever be the part that lives in him. Just like you
Sometimes, I wish I was not here at all.
Sometimes, I want to remove my presence, no feelings involved
My darkside and myself stay in fights in order to balance order and get along
I feel like I am trapped and I am a prisoner to my own tongue
In the darkness, I lived by light, gave up my rights, my living wanted to cause no wrong
I only feel good, for a good time, all I am here for, don't expect me
to be here for long
In moments I am weak, I gotta remind myself "I am worth it" and I have stay strong
My son and an ancient entity, living inside only wanted the best for my sorrow and hurt to be free
I am a dark skinned light worker and I live by dark-light faithfully
Live by codes, morals, ethnics, I am no devil's advocate, respect it!
The world wants to be saved gracefully, by angels and prayers
I'm a prisoner of rage. Who's praying for me?_