sometimes i feel so happy ,
that i can't beleive it .
most of times i feel so dismal ,
that i got used to it .

i am sitting in a dark room
infront of my bright blank laptop screen
i force my mind to think
i push my mind to creat
what should i write ?
what should i say ?
think .. think .. think..
am i being too dramatic?
am i complaining too much ?
aren't i using the right words?
aren't i good enouph ?
i guess i'll never be .
i better go.. i better leave ...

death ,
an unknown destination
we all have to face
that ,
some of us fear of
and some of us imbrace.

every day ,
the same way
the same road
the same mistales
the same faults
this routine is *fatal

i ******* hate her
i want to **** her ,
then  burn the world
hate is strong word
but it expresses what i feel,
what i'm saying is real ,
i just want my mind to heal
the world is so cruel
it treats me like a fool
and she is a ******* liar ,
she deserves fire .

the sky without the clouds
is *dull

a room , a girl , a laptop , a guitar
i sit alone , in an emty room
i feel at home .
stuck in an endless routine .
sad music , oversized shirts
i'm losing my mind.
no self esteem , no self worth
but still , it's a thousand time better
than fake smiles and fake friends

should i ? or should i not?
that's a hard choice
if i do , i'll leave my family behind
the person who gave birth to me
who offered me life
if i don't , i'll just be waiting,
in this miserable life
for my miserable beating heart to stop.

hello ,
would you like to hear
about my deepest fears ?
would you?
sometimes ,  at night
i go to dark places
i try to fight ,
but i see scary faces
it all happens in the shadows .

when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.